Hi guys, I'm on my 52-nd day of being clean from P and M. Very little edging (two or three times maybe), nothing else. Although 52 days isn't some amazing achievement, it is the most I've ever achieved by far. my mind is slowly changing, I'm more open, more confident and more interested in hitting on real women. Like I feel I can easily succeed and it's not that hard, plus I view them somewhat differently. my problem is I was addicted for a long, long time (over a decade probably) and now I feel as if my entire past was heavily influenced by the addiction. like it altered my entire psyche and rewired me to a somewhat different wavelength that only now is changing. I feel as if I wasted too many good years to this addiction and feel as if my entire youth has been flushed down the toilet by something so stupid as a P and M addiction. it's like I have a constant feeling of regret, every single day. like "you stupid motherfucker, you lost so much time, now you're over 30 and you're going to play catch up to people who are way, way ahead of you" and I know, or am convinced, and this depresses me the most, that I can never catch up to those who didn't waste so much time. it almost makes me feel resigned, because if I know what I wasted and what I'm never going to have, why bother? to the rest of people here - how long were you addicted? and how do you feel about it in retrospect? do you feel regret, or resignation? something else?