How PMO led to involuntary abstinence

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by AGradeAGuy, Nov 1, 2015.

  1. AGradeAGuy

    AGradeAGuy Fapstronaut

    It's almost a cliché to hear quotes about shaping our lives. Jim Rohn wrote, "You must take personal responsibility. You can not change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of." Motivational quotes abound stating pretty much the same thing.

    When I was younger I didn't know of my assets. I didn't know the power I had in determining positive outcomes in my life. Being introverted, insecure and bullied, with low self-esteem and little self-confidence, I had few friends, I felt, that understood me.
    Being an only child in a single parent household left me wanting.

    I found porn to be the answer the way many alcoholics and drug addicts feel that there lives are much improved by chemicals; the same way gamblers and debtors, over eating, and any other "fix" that actually is does more harm than good. In the same way gamblers and debtors want more financial security, or the way eating makes people feel better about themselves after looking in the mirror to find an ever increasing waistline, my loneliness and need for physical contact was sated by the images in magazines and videos which perpetuated my isolation.

    If there were a measure of improved self-confidence I'd be seeking unhealthy relationships--nothing deep or meaningful, just to numb the feeling of being lonely. I've long lived the isolated monkey in the famous Harlow experiment. Fortunately, I can use the insecurity and low self-confidence to keep me from using a woman they way I use their images on the computer screen.

    Yet, to dig myself out of the hole of low self-esteem and self-confidence, I must first stop the very behavior that makes it easier to deal with. PMO just perpetuates the low self-confidence while simultaneously (and ironically) disallowing my "graduation" to riskier behavior in involving real women.

    I'm proud of the fact that using a person (and being used in return) isn't healthy at all. While it's important for me to largely drop judging, I use only two requirements to act: it must make me happy, AND, it must be healthy. Sure, acting out on addictions may make me happy in the moment, but avoiding that seeming indulgence makes me happy in the long run, AND makes me emotionally healthy.

    I'm a firm believer that I'm more apt to find a partner for a healthy, mature, and meaningful relationship if I'm PMO free. If not, I won't be interacting with anyone, healthy or not.
  2. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    I am in exactly the same boat and its tough, but I have hope
  3. davee

    davee Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the post :) I am in the same boat, I recently lost my girlfriend because I was abusing her mentally to fulfil my sexually needs. I had narcissistic behavior. And I PMO'ed multiple times every day. Now I lost my girlfriend, all my "friends" which where actually her friends and I stopped PMO, had a 65 long streak before O one time without P 5 days ago, so I have nothing left to numb my pain. I am completely open. I feel lonely and miserable in a way I can not describe, but deep inside I know I've never been more on the right track. Even though I think it will take years before I can feel anykind of happiness. I hope you stay free of PMO and then make some healthy relationships, you really deserve it.
  4. very well said, and I love the title lol I'm also in the same boat!! I can't believe you did 71 days tho?! If you don't mind me asking, what made you relapse?
    AGradeAGuy likes this.
  5. AGradeAGuy

    AGradeAGuy Fapstronaut

    Funny, it's the epitome of "the lapse." I lapsed in my self-awareness.
  6. AGradeAGuy

    AGradeAGuy Fapstronaut

    Sorry, I know that sounds like a cop out. Though, it's quite accurate. I got bored and lonely and, rather than "doing the next right thing" which is simply the physical representation and action of being self aware and conscious, I choose to take the quick fix--wanting comfort now rather than dealing with the discomfort in a non-judgmental way.

    As I mentioned in the original post, the happy in the moment won out. And so it's time to get back to it. I've started a new relationship and it's also inspiring to be better and sexually healthier so it serves to keep me going. I'm done with today and will concentrate on another day after waking tomorrow.

    A guy in one of my accountability groups had a great saying: "The softest pillow is a clean conscience." So true for me.
    TakingTheSteps likes this.
  7. Yesodi

    Yesodi Distinguished Fapstronaut

    My apologies for going off-topic, @AGradeAGuy, but:
    1. I really like your avatar!

    2. I can very much identify with your current status-message:
      However, I'm not sure that I really agree. I doubt that consuming "food porn" in the same manner and quantities that most people consume "sex porn" is not "definitely safer." If it leads to obesity, then the physical dangers involved are certainly more dangerous than the physical issues resulting from PMO addiction! (Moral and psychological dangers are another story.)

      Moreover, if obesity leads to reduces self-confidence and social/sexual performance, then it can potentially fuel the viscous-cycle of PMO addiction even further!
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2015
  8. Your avatar isn't too shabby either...
    Yesodi likes this.
  9. Realize your mistakes you have. Now time for growth. I love you, friend.
  10. AGradeAGuy

    AGradeAGuy Fapstronaut

    Yesodi, sorry to hear you have food issues as well as PMO addiction.

    My hat is off to those who deal with multiple addictions. Fortunately for me looking at photos of food doesn't move me to acting out as can sexually provocative images.

    Best of luck to you in your recovery!
  11. AGradeAGuy

    AGradeAGuy Fapstronaut

    You're doing great! Kudos to you!

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