How the fuck are you suppose to do this

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Upwards2020, Mar 25, 2021.

  1. Upwards2020

    Upwards2020 Fapstronaut

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    Jesus wept Been trying to quit now for nearly 2 years..this is just insane

    What do you guys do lifestyle wise that helps get lasting streaks I can't get past 4 days to save my life.

    I'm going to make morning runs my thing like 6am forest runs and same again at night about 3 or 4 hours before bed

    Something wrong with me
     
  2. Lencho

    Lencho Fapstronaut

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    I'm in the same boat... keep trying.... you're not alone.

    It's hard to live dependent on porn.

    It's hard to live porn free.

    Choose your hard.
     
  3. scottb

    scottb Fapstronaut

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    Next you time you relapse,
    Although try your best to not relapse.
    But even if you relapse
    Make sure that you don't relapse through porn.
    And then start all over again with some good habits like cold shower, regular exercises, meditation,etc etc
     
  4. 6 years here dude. And I wouldn’t even consider myself nearly as bad as a lot of shit I read on here.

    I came to terms with it about 4 years in... I might need a lifetime to heal. And you know what, fuck it. I rather spend my life every single day removing this poison from my mind than live like a numb lifeless shell, masturbating with my dick in my hand like a god damn monkey. Staring at pixels.

    The only way is forward.. We can’t look back or we’re done for. Gotta just keep moving forward
     
  5. thesunalsorises

    thesunalsorises Fapstronaut

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    I think it will help you to figure out the "why's" and the "hows" of your porn consumption. Beating yourself up every time it doesn't work, or sticking with negative self-talk like "something wrong with me" will not help you solve the issue. Actually, it might just be working the other way around! It's easy to say this over the internet, but if you read the stories of people on here that got clean, or read some advice in the threads on support after relapsing, then you will find more on how important it is to be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.

    Now to answer your question: Try the following (it really works, and it is very often used in recovery programs for all kinds of compulsive/addictive behavior): for the next week or two or so, write down, every time you get an urge, or when you fap, watch porn, etc. the following: where you are, what the time was, what you were doing, how you were feeling emotionally/physically, and any things that were going through your mind. It's like writing a little 'log' of what happens just before you use porn. It's okay if you fail in getting a streak during these two weeks: the whole point is to identify what your triggers are, and what situations lead you to do the things that you -actually- don't want to do.

    After a week or two of doing this, you will probably figure out some patterns. There might be specific times of day, specific activities, or specific feelings that you have just before you relapse. It is exactly these things that you want to identify and then try to eliminate to help you get successful streaks.

    Examples could be that you find that you always relapse in the morning because you browse your phone in bed. Or that you get urges whenever you are tired from a day of work/school/whatever. Or when you're hungry, or feeling alone, or tired, etc. Or when you saw a person on TV/on the street wearing a certain XYZ, etc.

    It's still no silver bullet, but you have to figure out what your 'triggers' are before any lifestyle changes make sense. For example, getting up at 6AM to go running will not solve things for you if it is actually feeling tired that causes you difficulty in resisting urges. It might be better to just get some sleep instead!


    I hope it works for you! GOod luck!
     
    eagle rising and Upwards2020 like this.
  6. PrioritySystem

    PrioritySystem Fapstronaut

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    How determined are you? What sacrifices are you willing to make? Live without an internet connection for example. Use an old Nokia instead of a smartphone, give your laptop away. If you live together with others, let them set passwords on their electronic devices.

    Apply the ‘no-arousal method’ in public. Do not look at anything that may arouse you. Quit your job, live in a monastery in Tibet for six months to get accustomed to a life without fapping or anything sexual, then return home, find a new job in another city for a fresh start and keep living with only Nokia and no laptop/tablet.

    Are you willing to make sacrifices like this? Are you willing to take shit serious? Are you determined? Do you really want change? Or are you too scared for that? If you could choose between the options I gave you in this post or stay scared like now and stay a wanker for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2021
  7. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Congrats on continuing to work on breaking free of this and taking steps to a healthier life. Lots of information in posts in here and tons out there in the world. Two that I like are Matt Dobschuetz of Porn Free Radio (www.recoveredman.com) who has many excellent podcasts on how to heal and ways to adjust your thinking. Another good site is sexandrelationshiphealing.com (Dr. Rob Weiss author of Out of the Doghouse and a bunch of other books), especially if you are in a relationship and your partner has experienced any of the betrayal trauma of finding out what you've been up to. Stopping porn usage is critical, and I would recommend stopping masturbation totally too for at least 90 days. Clean out our brain and you'll be amazed how much better you feel and how more clearly you think. To be ultimately successful, you need to get beyond counting how many days you've been clean and focusing on the porn behavior you're trying to stop, and dig deep into the reasons why you went there and stayed there in the first place. Without that, much higher likelihood you will relapse. And to dig deeper, you can't do it alone. You need other human beings to talk with, voice out loud what you've been doing and keeping in the darkness, as that honesty first to yourself, then voiced to a trusted person, will help you stay out of that darkness and get on the road to a happier life, intimate relationships and healthy sexuality. The SAA group I have joined has been very key in my recovery and it is amazingly powerful how hearing other guys tell their similar stories and you being able to tell yours without condemnation or condoning, but just a ton of support, is so helpful. I wish you well and know you can overcome this.
     
  8. Porn isn't your issue, it's impulse control. Learn everything there is to know about yourself. Start by asking: "why do I watch porn compulsively?" Every behavior happens for a reason.
     
    Chefb87, Hadrian3 and Upwards2020 like this.
  9. strongminded33

    strongminded33 Fapstronaut

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    It takes time and dedication you have to be serious and understand the risks of masturbation and porn. The more porn you watch the more you search for porn. Try going a whole week without using social media or using your phone. Take a daily cold shower every morning and put an alarm on your phone wake up an hour earlier than you usually do. Spend your time wisely and dont waste time on social media. excessive scrolling on instagram and you bump into light porn. You have to delete your instagram, snapchat, twitter, youtube, google and move on with your life. Now you said you cant get past 4 days. I struggle with this too im only 15 and i cant go a fucking day without watching porn. but the longest i went was a week and that one week i was off my phone and kept myself busy the whole day. Never have time to watch porn or never have time to go through social media. That's what helped me so far. im still a starter with this but it takes some time..
     
    Upwards2020 and PrioritySystem like this.
  10. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    You need to think of the benefits, do you have PIED? have you been with a girl and you were unable to get hard? How terrible did that make you feel? For me that was all the terror I needed to feel and all the motivation I needed to stop looking at porn/photos etc and masturbating.

    The constant visuals on a screen is slowly destroying you, don’t let it.
     
    Upwards2020 likes this.
  11. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    Less internet usage, happier and easier to get rid of P
     
    CarP likes this.
  12. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    Quitting PMO is super easy, all you have to do is to not do something.
    It took me one shot to reach 4 years.
     
  13. brassknucks

    brassknucks Temporarily Suspended

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    If this is your very first time trying to quit fapping, getting to ten days will be a fight.
     
    CarP likes this.
  14. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Either you're stronger than 99.99% of guys or maybe you just weren't addicted. I quit gambling and video games the same way you said you quit porn but I don't doubt that for others it is much harder.
     
  15. Dude he is 120 years old believe him
     
    CarP likes this.
  16. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    ahah (i'm 28)
     
  17. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    2 years ?

    im way pass that buddy
     
    RebootRewire likes this.
  18. dysdiadochokinesia

    dysdiadochokinesia Fapstronaut

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    This is true for most addictions. My dad was addicted to smoking (chain smoker). He tried to quit on-off for 30 years. Couldn't. In his 31st year of no-smoke things clicked and he was able to stop it. Just keep trying and things will click for you. Don't focus too much on the quitting journey. Just try your best and let things work out.
     
  19. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    It's more than just quitting porn. You can't expect to just never do it again just by white knuckling. This is something that we've all done for the majority of our lives! This habit/impulse/compulsion is so so so deeply ingrained in us. I'm proud to say that I'm;

    -over two years without watching any sort of pornography or hard drugs (MDMA )
    -8 months without any sort of masterbation
    -4 months without any alcohol /marijuana .

    These are the things that have been pivitol in my life to achieve this stuff.

    1) honestly. Complete, scary , honesty. We've all built a secret life.. and maybe you feel like you could never tell someone everything you've done or thought because they would think you're the worst person ever. We've all carried so many secrets and shame. You need . Absolutely need to purge ever single little thing you feel like you could never tell anyone. You have to dig out all of it. And after you do make sure you continue to purge anything you feel like you wanna keep secret or hide.

    2) 12 step group. I've been going to SAA every single week for two years now . And I wouldn't be where I am at without that place. This is where you will be able to purge your secrets and shame in a safe , place. You'll be surprised how connected you feel and how others feel when someone is brave enough to let others in on things you've been scared to tell.
    3) prepare to look at your childhood , and prepare to find that you've been though some sort of trauma(s) or some sort of abuse whether it be physical, emotional , mental , or even a sense of abandonment. There's a reason why you went to porn in the first place and theres a reason. Why you can't stop. It's serving a purpose.. maybe that's to feel safe, or to numb yourself from massive anxiety you've felt your entire life. You need to dig deep under the porn compulsion. Porn isn't the problem. Dig deeper to really understand yourself and your past. And I promise you will discover why.
    4) start seeing a therapist . Especially one that understands porn and sex addiction.. they will be able to help with #3.
    5) how badly do you want to stop and finally see what healthy can feel like ? Bad enough to make sacrifices Like deleting Facebook? Snapchat , instagram , having parental lock on even things like YouTube ? You will learn that there are many things that will suck you right back into porn of you are not careful . (P-subs) anology for this is like a black hole. Eventually these " little things" you will feel a sense of pull. That want to suck you into the black hole. Of you stick around in that pull for too long you WILL get sucked back in . The goal is to notice when you feel that pull and to stay away from those as best you can.
    6) prepare that you may have to shed ppl out of your life. I had to distance myself from my own mother father and brothers. And as painful it was it was necessary to distance myself from that family disfunction to be able to get healthy.
    7) never , ever stop progressing and moving forward.. never stop reading books, doing recovery work , self-reflecting, setting boundaries , never allow yourself to think " oh I dont need to go to my group anymore I'm healed"

    8) and for goodness sake. Please please please be gentle with yourself. And be kind to yourself. You did the best you could with the tools you had . Be gentle! I would highly recommend looking into **INNER CHILD WORK** this has been a huge focus of mine right now .

    * Think of yourself on a escalator going down. It does matter how fast your walking up , just as long as you are still moving forward. Because even if you just stop stepping up ..... You're moving back down. *
     
  20. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

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    Think about it, its not you that is fucking those woman you see on porn.... its not you , get that on your mind and it will help
     

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