How to deal with my "toxic" friend

Hey @MotivationWarrior, thanks for sharing your story with us. I can imagine that you feel pretty confused and frustrated with this individual. It sounds like you hit the nail on the head. This person is in fact "toxic" and is most likely holding you back in life.

From what I gather I would guess this person was not shown much affection by his parents growing up. He seems unsure how to express his affection (strange touching) and unable to empathize. This individual's parents have probably passed down their own lack of affection and empathy to their child. That's not to say that all people who get divorces lack affection and empathy.

Because of this, your friend lacks what is generally referred to as emotional intelligence (EQ). EQ enables us to understand ourselves and others and how the two interface. Individuals high in emotional intelligence are highly satisfied in their relationships and life in general. Whereas someone low in emotional intelligence will most likely struggle to find happiness and pleasure in life. In fact one of the strongest predictors of a child's future success is EQ.

I will list some of the characteristics of an individual with low EQ. It may remind you of your friend.

- They are oblivious to other people's feelings. They may be genuinely surprised when they find out someone is mad at them. They also become annoyed when others expect them to know how they are feeling.

- They behave insensitively. Ex. they make an inappropriate joke at a funeral. If you react to their out-of-line response they tell you that you are being overly sensitive.

- Blames others for their problems. When something goes wrong their first reaction is to find someone or something else to blame

- They always need to "right". Unable to say "I was wrong". They find it impossible to simply "agree to disagree."

- Lack of coping ability. Individuals with low EQ will walk away from emotionally charged situations rather than deal with them. Brushes others off when he/she is upset

- Struggle with relationships. They are abrasive and unfeeling

- They turn conversations towards themselves. No matter what you say they've been there, done that. They will constantly one-up you. Ex. you were in a car accident? so were they .....and their dog died.

Your friend can't help this. It is just the way he was raised and how he is wired. It doesn't mean that he is a bad person. He still can be kind to you and try and be your friend which is what he seems to be trying to do. However, because of having low EQ his kindness comes off as sporadic and out of touch.

The good news is that anyone can improve their emotional intelligence (as long as there is no disability involved). Your friend will need to do this on his own or find a coach or mentor. I would not suggest that you try and help him. I think that you are doing the right thing by distancing yourself from him. If someone is making you feel crappy and treating you poorly you should keep them at a distance or cut them out of your life altogether. I have had to do this before. It is difficult but worth it.

 

I think he might either be
1. narcissistic

2. He is still fighting his inner demons (most people can hide their struggles well)

3. It might be what @OttarrTheVendelCrow is saying.

I think the best thing you can do it make it clear you won't stand for his bullshit, I understand that the guys been through a lot but who hasn't. You aren't responsible for what happened to him, nor is it your responsibility to be his friend. Friends are people who are there for each other, people who rise you up not stomp you to the ground. If I were you I would just cut him off and save yourself a bunch of bullshit. If you want to try another approach, confront him and tell him what you want, make it clear what you want him to change, and make it something doable, stand you're ground even if he starts telling a sob story or telling you some bullshit, tell him that its either he changes or else you walk away. Again if he's what I think he is it would be simpler to cut him out of your life cause he sounds like he's oppressing you, and might ruin your reputation among your other peers or even worse your crush.

 

You should watch if he feel comfortable on what he is. At this moment, for you is just an Hylic, organic portal energy sucker, stay with him could make you hexausted. But if he 's really as the other guy saying, fighting against Archons, Demons, ecc...you should try to educate him and spiritually help him if you are capable of do it, a lot of souls are lost inside the matter.

 

I really liked your approach and I would suggest you to just cut that person off..

Don't waste your time helping others to fight their demons..

He is your friend so friendship should be mutual..
You aren't his therapist..

I might sound harsh but believe my I was in similar situation (except the person was my crush) and I continued sticking with that person and it had horrible results

 

I'm mostly friendly with people, i will never leave someone that need me, you should see, if you want to abbandon him, if he care, or if he stay like he actually is now.

 

You did not explain a person that I would classify as a ‘Friend’.
Quick story:

I had a friend I knew since 8th grade. I am 25yrs old now. For the first time in all these years he said something disrespectful to me. I talked to him in person about it. And just like that...we are not friends anymore. Things happen man.

After reading your situation, If you can see all these things going on then you already know that you should remove him from your life because misery loves company and these people are great at bringing people down. You’re a senior in high school right? Just cut him off. Most likely it’s not a life or death decision and both people will be fine. You will feel better in the long run.

Overcome all challenges

-A6

 

Narcissism is generally considered to be immune to therapy. This article is the most insightful piece I've read on the disorder:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/.../the-narcissists-dilemma-they-can-dish-it-out