How to reboot with an understanding partner?

Hey Lawyer,

I'm going out on a limb and assuming that you want to be sex free during the reboot. If that is not the case, and doesn't need to be, let me know. Otherwise, go ahead and reboot. There is a lot of support here, but what kind of tips were you looking for specifically?

 

man if the partner is understanding then you should be talking about this with her. You should know by now that you need to relax and abstain some time from sex (it waries with people) and once you feel comfortable then start having sexy time. Let her know that she shouldn't pressure you and you should engage only when you feel confident. Just talk to her and see what works. You're lucky to have an understanding gf.

 

From everything I've read here, it is.

I suggest you speak to her and be prepared; have your facts to hand about why abstaining entirely is a smart strategy, the process the brain goes through in recovery etc. It's an addiction. If it was alcohol, we wouldn't talk about having a drink once a week while recovering from it.

It sounds like she's being supportive. I can say from experience that is a massive help.

Regards,
Jake

 

I'm rather new here but also have an understanding (it was a rough point to get there) wife. She has done a lot to educate herself about addiction in general. The brain can be addicted to anything and treats it all the same. Our case is PMU/PIED. I'm away from her during with week for work and only see her and my kid on the weekends for now so we have a forced break from sex... though to be honest it wasn't good for as long as we can remember because of my addiction. What has helped us is having "face to face" conversations over google hangouts and discussing the hard issue at hand. Being alone is a trigger and I make every effort to talk to her about anything. The conversation always rolls around to my addiction... which I welcome. Not talking about it, now they we both know, only makes it worse. The early conversations are very hard. She doesn't trust me with her emotions. She is unsure what to think about my porn habit... Like, "Do I still thin she is sexy?" If I say yes... "Are you lying?" Etc... Honesty and connection are the most important things I've learned about addiction. From these awesome people dealing with the same thing as well as my struggle with alcohol years ago. You'd think I woulda figured out the porn thing when I quick alcohol and pot but the brain is... tricky. Good luck and just keep the communication open. I've heard that PIED will reverse itself. My wife thinks I'm "bigger and harder" since I stopped the PMO. I'm not sure that is true at all because we didn't have all that much sex, sadly, but who knows. I would stay hold off on the sex until you think it is right. It may take a while or the mood might strike and you'll both be surprised. Just don't watch porn or porn substitutes and talk to your partner.