I’ve failed as a man (vent warning)

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by RobinCoenBrosFan, Jan 11, 2020.

  1. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    The best I’ve done on this site is 38 days (but ONLY no porn; I masturbated for those days, but without it, which is healthier imo). But I feel inadequate in every way today. I’m 30 years old, no career, no money, never had a real relationship (having trouble seeing myself ever being in one, even tho I’m struggling to stay positive about it), renting a room from an old lady who treats me like her son (which I hate) and shames me like a mf for being lazy and not paying on time (I try to but I’m having difficulty going around looking for a better job because you need extra money for transportation-I live in the city, and am hoping for a little extra money from my dad to give me freedom to go to the city more regularly and actually meet people who can give me better work, which I should already have by now). I feel like I’m mooching off of at least two people which I HATE doing. I literally can not afford to pay them back because the rent is so high, and am hoping to live somewhere cheaper (even if it’s a hostel), which is the good news. But I’m trying to make a career in the arts, which is extremely difficult for anyone, but it’s like I barely even have the financial resources to do it.

    I’ve also wasted so much time pining for women who already have boyfriends or it turned out they weren’t interested in the end, and the ones I’ve been even remotely intimate with have ended up being toxic. I also have an anxiety condition that I can’t afford therapy for (I had a really bad attack today). Maybe I should’ve just told the landlady to fuck off but I didn’t have the balls.

    This is why I think that my life is pretty much for naught right now no matter what I do. On the brighter side, it’s gotten easier as of the past few years to count my blessings and be thankful for what I have, but I live in constant anger and sheer disappointment at my shortcomings, and am afraid that I’m doomed to a permanent state of failure, friendlessness, going nowhere, and chasing dreams that I can’t get because I don’t have the balls.

    Sorry guys this may just boil down to me having a bad day, and if I get negative comments, I’ll delete this post.

    On the NoFap front, once again, I’m glad about the 38 days, but it’s as if my brain always finds some fucking excuse to get back to it.

    Bottom line: I don’t know what the fuck to do, and see nothing but failure ahead, even though I’m smart enough to know that YOU create your own reality, and you’re supposed to maintain a positive “I can do it” mindset, but it’s mad difficult. #feelingstuck
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
  2. IAmLegion

    IAmLegion Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry to read this.
    I hope things get better for you. :)
  3. Since I am nearly double your age, I will say you are still young enough to get your life going. You are obviously no dummy, that's clear enough. You are rightfully pissed off about a few things and rightfully counting your blessings. Again, no dummy.
    It may be time to admit that your career in the arts is not panning out. Deal with it.
    Let anyone who is helping you know that you are determined to do better and that this period in your life is temporary. And get on it.
    Forgive me if this is harsh, but you sound quite a bit like me when I was 30 and I needed someone to wake me up at that age - to stop dreaming and start being the man I needed to be. I'm still a work in progress, but boy oh boy, I would fucking kill to be 30 right now.
    Boost and crazybutconscious like this.
  4. Bro, i feel your struggle. The only thing i can say is, i understand what you are feeling. Don't give up of your passion, one day your luck on it wil lchange...Don't give up in the heat of the battle, you are a winner.
  5. You see it all black because you are in the days after the relapse. Take this demotivation feeling and grow. We use the PMO to not fight, for dont feel pain in this life, and for dont face the frustration. All of us here have bad tolerance to the frustration. That pain you feel now is good, look it to the eyes and face it with strength!

    Start using your time to think about how to be a better and more productive person and concentrate those desire for sex with the P to seduce those same pretty girls in the reality (there are many books and information on youtube about how to flirt rightly)
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2020
  6. Mr.Brave

    Mr.Brave Fapstronaut

    man, come talk in my tread, ill share my storie, don't blame yourself i am in the same situation as yours 31, no job, no girlfriend, fapping to wrong kind of porn. talk to me.
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  7. Looks like you're a nice guy man. Read the book called Not Nice by Dr Aziz or download it online.
  8. skibum71

    skibum71 Fapstronaut

    Are you in the UK? A friend of mine got CBT on the NHS. You'd probably have to wait a while but the sooner you get on the list the better.
    I was in a similar place to you last year but I've fought hard and now my mindset is completely different.
    Do you believe you can change?
  9. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the responses. At the end of the day, the only thing that I need to battle is to come to the realization that it’s never too late to the point where it’s “irreparable” and “over,” that I’m not doomed to failure, i’m Still working on myself, and I am a late bloomer overall, with a purpose.

    And also, FUCK anyone who even hints that I’m never meant to have a relationship in my whole life. I’ll find the right woman for me (not the “perfect” woman, the perfect woman doesn’t exist)...NOT NOW, but when I’m good and ready.

    For what it’s worth I’ve achieved quite a lot and am trying to see things with a “glass half full” attitude, even though these things I’ve achieved have been somewhat small. Whatever.
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2020
  10. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    I’ve started looking at it, pretty informative so far.
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  11. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    I live in the US, sorry. I do love the UK tho, and that’s one area where we’re severely behind in over here, which is the right kind of health care.
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  12. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    And this is a side note; sorry to take the juvenile route here, but “sex in the P” sounds funny out of context. :p
    Optimum Fortitude likes this.
  13. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    UPDATE: I still feel awful. As far as circumstances go, I do have quite a bit to be thankful for, but continue to feel shitty and am in constant hope that things will get better. I have an interview coming up later this month for an airline, for what it’s worth. That’s a major company instead of some random-ass establishment, even though it may not be what I wanna do. Once again progress at least. Problem is, I’m still unhappy.
  14. Be patient and keep fighting! Dont give up! You will get it ;)
  15. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

    Head up and go ahead buddy,take situation in your hands.
  16. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    Thank you again. Patience never has been my strong suit, but I’m hoping to change that about myself, if anything.
  17. beyondPeterPan

    beyondPeterPan Fapstronaut

    Hey RobinCoenBrosFan,

    It sounds like you have lost control of your life. External forces are pushing you in directions you don't want to go, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to win. This is a very tough spot to be in, I feel for you man. But don't give up! Every day is a new day, a new opportunity to start over and be better. You can take your life back.

    I would recommend getting one healthy daily habit. This could be getting up at the same time, eating a healthy lunch, going to the gym, meditating, keeping a journal, going on a walk, etc. I like to center my habits around the start of my day because I feel like it is when I have the most control, but it is up to you! Create one thing in your life that YOU control and protect it. This small habit is yours and yours alone; it is the foundation you will use to take back your life.

    I would also recommend looking for a role model. Find someone you look up to - someone who has their life in order - and spend as much time as you can with them. Surround yourself by their ideas and think about what they are saying critically. This can be hard to do in real life, so start online! For me, this was Jordan Peterson. He has two books, a podcast, and tons of content on YouTube.

    Finally, be only as hard on yourself as you would be with someone you care about. You are only human and life is hard. Unwarranted shaming and abuse will not help! Take life one day at a time and give it your all. You got it!

    Just my two cents,
  18. RobinCoenBrosFan: "Patience never has been my strong suit"

    This seems to have been written by me a long time ago!

    Before nofap I got angry more easily with the people. In fact, I was fired from work for arguing with my bosses many times. I also had few patience with the girls without success flirting with them obviously.

    I have a regular phone since 2 years for avoid problems (not an smartphone). Because with whatsapp, facebook, etc... I discussed many times with the girls who was atracting me. And finally I block them in the chat, or they blocked me

    The key is not only nofap. Do meditation every day, or whenver you can. I promise you this habit will change your life :)
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2020
  19. RobinCoenBrosFan

    RobinCoenBrosFan Fapstronaut

    Update: hanging in there!
    getbetter73 likes this.
  20. SeekingPower

    SeekingPower Fapstronaut

    I will be quite honest with you. And also a heretic here.

    You need to man up and get a proper job, even if its not related to arts.
    Maybe even plumbing or something, it can actually make good cash.
    At you age you really ought to have a job going and be able to support a family.

    Without this, you will not be able to get a GF.

    This is even more important than NoFap for you at this point.
    Compiler and RobinCoenBrosFan like this.

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