I am the onlyone who feel angry and duped

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by davee, Sep 26, 2015.

  1. davee

    davee Fapstronaut

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    I have (mis)used PMO for at least 25 years almost daily. All this time I have been suffering with social anxiety, depression, destroyed relationships, loneliness, social isolation. I have now been PMO free for a month and for the first time in my life I feel good being around people, and just talking with them. I feel joy in a lot of things I have never enjoyed before I feel normal!. I feel a bit angry that I had to go 25 years before I see nofap by random. I really didnt knew about the
    consequences of porn. Maybe I am stupid, but I feel like the porn industry should inform about the risk.
     
  2. CrossGlow

    CrossGlow Fapstronaut

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    Hey davee. I'm glad your life has improved so drastically - your post is very uplifting. Don't feel stupid or be angry at anyone though.
    Only when we accept full responsibility for what we do to ourselves can we truly be free and in control.
     
    nfprogress likes this.
  3. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    It is great to hear about your recent successes and recovery. I think perhaps the biggest oversight may have been to let these problems persist for 25 years without resolving them. When you recognize that something is wrong, it is super important to take a proactive stance and work toward a solution before too much time passes and damage is done. Too many people fall into the trap of adapting to their surroundings when they should react to them instead. Adapting is too close to coping, but reacting with smart thinking and proper action gives you more control over your surroundings and life.
     
    JoshZissou likes this.
  4. davee

    davee Fapstronaut

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    @nfprogress I think you are right. And I have been trying to get to the root of my problems. And done a lot of things and used a lot of money. But I never suspected PMO for a second. When I watch the YT videos where they explain what is happening in the brain it makes totally sense. The recovery is working, and to be honest I could never imagine doing PMO or even M again. I lost my girlfriend because of this, I was a jerk, the only thing I cared about was sex. I actually thought it would be best to lose her, because then I wasnt restricted by her sexually. Now I miss her so much it hurts and I doesnt care about sex at all, to be honest I hate it. I really hate what PMO did to me.
     
  5. Philip1_6

    Philip1_6 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Davee, I'm also mad that I couldn't shake my chains sooner too. It's baffling that I was not able to do it alone. There's been lost time, relationships, among other regrets. I'm growing, one day at a time, and finding a common purpose! For me, none of the regret, shame, anger has been able to last forever, especially after sharing it with others. When I share whatever is getting at me, it melts away. Thanks for the post, I feel like this is a topic I need to think more about.
     
  6. galaxim

    galaxim Fapstronaut

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    Hi @davee! Have you read any books regarding PMO addiction? I can recommend you "The Porn Trap" (http://amzn.to/1QS9l6g) and "Breaking the Cycle" (http://amzn.to/1LQu3iv). What you're experiencing is quite normal, to be angry with yourself for the time lost. But now that you're in this positive state, you should keep reading and keep developing strategies, as you say "I could never imagine doing PMO or even M again". That's a very good feeling, but if we don't have a good plan, sooner or later, a relapse happens. It happened to me after almost one year of being MO/PMO free and it has happened to others aswell:
    http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...er-a-long-period-and-what-did-you-learn.47904
     
  7. davee

    davee Fapstronaut

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    @galaxim I believe you. I will definitely do as you suggest. I take this very seriously and I don't want to relapse. My ex gf left me and blocked me in all possible ways, I really love her and I am not able to tell her about this journey and the things that i realized now (that is a lot). So now I want to change and be the person she would have loved.
     
    galaxim likes this.
  8. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

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    Very good insight and I am sorry for your plight. It is very hard to see gaps in our own understanding (a fish doesn't have any idea it is in water). In your case you have great perspective now but at a great cost. nofap aims to provide that perspective at a much lower cost. I have gone 20+ years myself without really entertaining the idea that there might be a problem with MO (or PMO). Sorting out the essence of a problem is difficult in much the same way. It took us a long time as a culture to find out that it wasn't the flapping of a birds wings that allows it to fly.
    I believe much of this is a cultural problem (it definitely is in the US). Sexuality is often not openly discussed, even in the context of a two person relationship. There is a stigma in many circles placed on masturbation. On the other hand you have porn, which is so incredibly open, it is almost lashing out at everyone and has achieved quite the ubiquity. Neuroscience is still in its infancy and awareness of the problems with porn addiction are just now opening up to the masses educationally. I think the psychology and general study of addiction should be taught at a young age so that people have a better awareness of what they are up against. Too many people must face addiction for the first time under pretty rough circumstances.
     

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