I dont know what to do

Can personally guarantee that porn won't help you with any of that. That guilt about "not being at position X while everyone's at Z" is your brain enforcing a malignant survival technique: It's under the impression that, since you haven't carked it from your current practices, it's safe to keep doing them, which feeds the guilt and depression about not doing anything, which feeds the doing nothing, and so on.

I was trapped in that cycle for the better part of two years, and I got out of it with this absolutely Rhodium piece of advice:


"Whatever the brain is doing, it likes."


You've been doing the stuff that produces negative results for so long, but your brain will be just as pleased, if not more so, if you switch to the stuff that moves you forward. You'll be laughing at how stupid you were to be doing anything else.

So! Don't seek an activity that is fun, seek something that's challenging. This'll ease off your dopamine receptors and build up the necessary reliance on repetition- but in a direction that produces positive results. Not that you asked, but learning any skill that's inherently lethal will almost always increase your self-esteem, so maybe start there.