I feel like I don't really want to do it

Hello, folks!

I'm creating this topic because I would like to hear some advices on how to deal with this issue.

I've been on NoFap for a long time without success. I keep relapsing and temporarily quitting over and over. Yes, I'm having a hard time with this issue and I'm aware that many other people are also in a similar situation.

In many of my recovery attempts, I deleted the porn I had saved in my PC. The problem is that it feels like it just increased my urge, since I longed for the deleted porn and had no way of seeing it (many were "exclusive"). I found myself regretting deleting that porn, even though I knew I shouldn't see ir ever again. But I wanted. So I would end up craving for more similar porn and ending up with a new "collection".

Few minutes ago, after feeling depressed and thinking how this behavior contributed nothing to my life and just made me feel miserable, I decided to take action and start deleting my porn again. But right in the moment of confirming the deletion, I stepped back and thought "do I really wanna do it? I will regret deleting it later. I don't think I'm ready to delete it now" and ended up not deleting anything.

Have you experienced something similar? Should I delete it right away even if I feel like I'm not 100% committed or will it make the problem worse? I don't understand why I don't feel really committed, coz I know porn is a big issue in my life and still, I can't step out of it. How can we become really committed to it?

Sorry if the text was too long, just wanted to share how I felt. And please ignore my counter, it's deadly wrong.

Thank you so much for your attention!