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I feel so baaad...

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017.

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  1. Apr 26, 2017 #1
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    I joined NoFap maybe a week ago or so and my boyfriend just joined... I immediately went to check his latest activity and got triggered big time. He posted his Introduction message and then went on to read another posters Intro... It was a girl... 18 year old!!! There were tens of posts by guys there in the NewToNoFap forum and he started reading a post by a girl describing her masturbation stories.
    I feel like a stalker. I feel like he couldn't resist reading HER post. I am not feeling good about this whole healing journey even though it *just* started.
    I'm losing my mind with these triggers all over the place... even here!!! Or maybe I am totally crazy!?!?!
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    #1
  2. Apr 26, 2017 #2
    baston grief

    baston grief Fapstronaut

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    hey listen maybe you are going way too fast and making your opinions wrong..... maybe it was an accident that he got to read a girl's intro. people join here to leave addiction of porn not to enjoy their time. i think you should talk to him he might tell you the real side of the story.
     
    baston grief, Apr 26, 2017
    baston grief, Apr 26, 2017
    #2
    Deleted Account likes this.
  3. Apr 26, 2017 #3
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Thanks for your support. I think I am going too fast and making assumptions :( You are right. It's just that, when I get triggered, and nowadays this happens 20 times a day, since the trauma is so fresh, I don't know which is the real trigger and which is just my over-reactive mind. I get triggered when he goes to the toilet and I can't immediately see his phone on the table. I get triggered when he smiles at his phone or tablet. I get triggered when he gets sleepy. I get triggered when he goes to take a shower. Etc. etc. Basically, I am getting triggered all the time by anything and everything that is either connected to his PA or could possibly, even very remotely, be connected... even if it wasn't really connected before.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    #3
  4. Apr 26, 2017 #4
    i_wanna_get_better1

    i_wanna_get_better1 Fapstronaut

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    What just happened to you is not unusual. My wife and I both joined NoFap 1 1/2 years ago. There were things I was commenting on that made my wife feel uncomfortable. It wasn't a sex thing, but I had to respect my wife's feelings. We had to establish boundaries on what I could and what I could not read or comment on. I didn't agree with it in the beginning but I see the wisdom of this decision now. My advice is to communicate your concerns and work on a mutual solution.
     
    i_wanna_get_better1, Apr 26, 2017
    i_wanna_get_better1, Apr 26, 2017
    #4
    hope4healing, Kenzi and Deleted Account like this.
  5. Apr 26, 2017 #5
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Thanks for validation, i_wanna_get_better1. I so need it. I will for sure talk with him about it, the boundaries, that is. Well, and also about what happened last night with my trigger. I really must.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    Deleted Account, Apr 26, 2017
    #5
    hope4healing and i_wanna_get_better1 like this.
  6. Apr 28, 2017 #6
    baston grief

    baston grief Fapstronaut

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    see that is natural its human nature to be suspicious. to be true a wild and evil nature...... to be frank i lost my love just because of that habit and i cannot let that happen to someone else now... work it out you both,, and be happy please never leave each other just because of suspicions or you will regret it.... specially no vibe talk to him and ask if u feel uneasy..
     
    baston grief, Apr 28, 2017
    baston grief, Apr 28, 2017
    #6
  7. Apr 28, 2017 #7
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Thanks, @baston grief . Yes, I do talk to him (waaay more than he talks to me). I mean, he can talk for hours, but not on deep, important, topics. It's so strange how he is a confident, talkative, even loud, person, when he is talking about work, but as soon as I start "that kind of conversation" (really, anything dealing with his feelings or thoughts, emotions, deep stuff), he shrivels, his voice becomes soft and super-quiet, he doesn't know what to say, he seems in pain actually. I guess this is a good topic for another thread.
     
    Deleted Account, Apr 28, 2017
    Deleted Account, Apr 28, 2017
    #7

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