I need help

I started nofap on last summer and have always failed horribly ever since, longest I could do was 27 days. Last wednesday I relapsed and I PMOd "just for one last time". Of course it wasn't going to be the last fucking time but somehow my addicted self fell for it. On friday I almost relapsed, only seeing myself naked in the shower was enough to get me horny as fuck and I almost couldnt shower. I jerked off a little bit but no O. Then on the weekend I went out with family so I didnt have any problems , but today I think I will be alone for some like two hours and I am waiting so bad, I wanna touch myself so bad, I've been thinking about it all morning. I think I will relapse and I know it will happen, I have been like this for months. I am addicted to this shit I need serious help. The worst is that if I masturbate again I know it will end up horribly, just like last time. I don't know what to do guys I need help. I have been praying but somehow I feel that my addiction has taken away my faith.

 

Dude thank God my uncle did not work today and dude we're having the best time, I just need to keep myself busy. I still have this in the back of my mind but I am happy now. About my quote DUDE that is the most frustrating thing. That I KNOW it will be bad yet i still FUCK UP. I need to be stronger, may Jesus give me strength

 

Dude tomorrow I will be home alone pray for me y'all

 

Shit I just showered and almost fucked up. Still standing strong though.

 

Dude I feel terrible and I've been wondering, can I just apply my knowledge and prevent that shit from happening again? Because, if I can't, then it means I should just have to fuck up again, and terribly this time, in order to wake up and realize this shit is wrong. Somehow I've been blinded my my addiction right now and I just can't see any further, I just feel like there is no hope for me now.

 

I know it's not true but that's what it feels like