I Need Your Advice to Help me Come out of my Predicament

SamDan · May 1, 2020

I have had 10 years of masturbation (inconsistent) since I was age 15. I have been single from my high school and university days, never dated a lady or for relationship, and Masturbating seem the only way out of my loneliness. I thought I was practicing celibacy (please was I wrong? I need answers). I did Masturbate to keep me happy (thinking I was doing the right thing to keep myself happy), but it eventually graduated into Phonograph, and I became addicted to it. That was how phonograph started. However, being single, I focused my energy to building my career and develop myself for future opportunities. To my surprise, it worked for me. I built my own company (startup) and invested my time and energy in my career. However, Masturbation often come in between that, sometimes I get frustrated with myself, trying to control myself and my emotions. Sometimes, I go in several months free from Masturbation and sometimes I am overwhelmed that it's difficult to come out.
Plus, I am single! And lonely! I did tried to ask ladies out for a serious relationship that would lead to marriage, but it's not working. Some ladies I have met, happened to have been heartbroken and not wanting to go into a relationship. I had my regrets, I was bitter and pained. Because I have abstain from Sex to keep myself for the love of my life (except phonography and Masturbation), I don't know if you understand my experience. I am Handsome, Jovial, Lovable and industrious, what else does a lady wants from a guy?

I'm 25 years, and I am ready for a relationship but it seems not working. My recent trial with a 22year old lady, who clearly shows me Love but would claim she is wanting to heal from her past (she was heartbroken), hence, she is not ready for a relationship, it gets me frustrated. I met her since October 2019. We have developed deep bonds; when we are together, she initiates the (touching, restingoon my shoulder, holding of hands while I followed suit), and she sometimes invited me to her family house with her older brother around, and convincing him to allow me stay overnight.... Lol, I eventually ended up spending 3 nights. And we did have memories, but abstaining from Sex. We have been together for 7 months, always showing her that I truly love her and I do show it by actions and she somewhat reciprocate, but she still claims she's not ready for relationship. She told me about her past relationship and how she's healing from it, however I realize she is still sharing memories with her past boyfriend (she posted picture of herself and her past boyfriend on her social media in 2nd January 2020), but we have amazing memories too, since we met but she has not for once posted it on her social media). I manage to get through this thought, and I had to walk up to her once more to declare my love for her. But still same answer; she's healing, and even claim she's not only healing from her past relationship but also from her childhood trauma as she was molested. We met October 2019, and she has since claimed she's healing. Those were are claims most time I come out straight to her. I couldn't manage it, as I was too overwhelmed by her; I truly love her, the bonds was too deep that the only solution that comes to my mind was to break it and distance myself from her emotionally and completely. I did just that recently, April 2020. Please, do you think I did the right thing or I could have done better or i acted wrongly?

p1n1983 · May 1, 2020

Hello @SamDan I hope you are doing great. You need to change the way you approach to woman.
Being masculine, or masculine energy is about going after your goals in life and became the best version you can be. Going after woman for a relationship is not man department. Feminine energy is about bonding and connecting with people. Yes, nowadays they also go after their own goals and carrier but as womans they are designed to bond and connect more with people in general. Woman like man that goes after their goals in life because they are acting masculine. If you go after them trying to lock them down to commitment you are acting femenine, and she will reject you. Woman fall in love slowly in time, if she told you she is not ready for a relationship in reality she is telling you that you are coming to strong asking for it, and she is not ready yet to be in a relationship with you. As a man your only job when you are dating a girl is to go out with her and have fun and eventually have sex with her. Never ever bring up been in a relationship. After months of dating if she gets to the point when she wants to be in a relationship with you she is going to pop it up. If she doesn't do it she is not ready yet and you have to wait. The relationship must be her idea and not yours. In the meantime you need to date other woman too, never focus all your attention to only one woman. Only do it when she brings up been exclusive or boyfriend and girlfriend.

About his ex, she has a lot more history with him than you. And you are not doing a great work to make her forget about him. You dated this girl for 7 months and you didn't even have sex. Do you kiss her at least?
If she uploads pictures of her with her ex and no pictures of her with you is her way of telling that his ex is more important than you. She already told you she is not ready for a relationship with you, why would she post a picture with you? That would give u hope, and she knows that, she don't want to hurt you so she didn´t do it.
Is she speaking to his ex? Is she going out with him again? Is she dating other guys besides you?

About breaking up with her, bad move. She was helping you. She told you she was not ready for a relationship, but you didn't listen. You were focused on locking her down to commitment. Why? You acted upon the fear of loosing her. You wanted her to be yours and you were afraid to lose her with her ex or another guy. That´s a bad way to go. You were needy, insecure and no masculine at all. That´s weak and girls will run away from weak people.

The only thing you needed to do with her in this 7 months is to go out with her have fun, and when she touches you, hold hands etc you as a man go for the kiss and escalate things to end up in bed to have sex. Never bring up relationship and when she said that she is not ready, or she is still healing you just tell her that it's ok, that you just want to hang out, have fun and see where it goes.

You broke up with her so you can call her and apologize for dumping her and that you want to start dating her again and see were it goes. If she said yes, ask her out and do what i said in the paragraph above. But if she said something like "let me think about it" you say ok, let me know when you figure it out and let her alone. Never speak to her again at least she calls you back. If she say no, tell her that if she changes her mind to call you and never speak to her again untill she reaches out to you.
Good luck!

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I Need Your Advice to Help me Come out of my Predicament

SamDan Fapstronaut

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