I relapsed...but I found out some interesting things when I did.

(If you notice my no PMO timer, I am going to reset it tomorrow, when I restart the challenge).

Today, I am sad to say I relapsed. Before you people start to moan at me, I was having extreme urges. I however have a few things which I noticed, since this was the longest time I have been without porn for 4 years. I believe this may actually be quite interesting. I am going to restart tomorrow morning. Going to set it for only 30 days, but this time without relapsing.

1. I noticed that while I was looking at sexually arousing images, I felt this metallic (basically a bad taste) in my mouth. I have felt this before, but I haven't felt this since I started abstaining. What could this be? I have gotten it in the past if I saw something really arousing, but it's a very rare thing to happen.

2. I noticed I didn't actually get a full on erection, despite getting decent erections (for non porn/masturbation induced ones) for the past week. I did almost get one at one point while I was looking at porn, but what could cause this? I believe it may be due to only being 25 days into the challenge, but I would like to know from others about this.

3. I noticed I didn't desperately look for clicking on content as much, I seemed more...selective. Does this make any sense to you?

4. I do feel like some of my energy has been sapped slightly. This happens if I abstain even for a short while. It's a weird feeling...

5. I don't feel...powerless for some reason. It's strange, I don't feel like it controls me so much right now. But is that normal among people who relapse? Then they only become addicted again?

While I intend to restart tomorrow, I do find what I asked to be quite interesting, and kind of odd to be honest. I don't want to relapse again (at least not after 25 days this time around). I didn't edge thankfully, despite lightly masturbating for a few seconds (not enough to get me to orgasm...but), but somehow I orgasmed despite not masturbating (while looking at porn). That has happened in the past, but yeah...I failed in regards to that too.

I am proud I was able to do it for this long, but angry I ruined it in the end.

 

4. was after I was looking at porn. But it didn't start to arouse me until I looked at if for a good hour or so. My brain was being rewired to be aroused or what? Resetting my counter now btw.

 

I reset the timer last night, after closing all the porn tabs and such.

It's hard to tell how great of an effect this porn abstinence is having yet, I have other issues that are plaguing my functionality (none of them involve mental disabilities, though it does seem like it when you never wake up feeling refreshed). Going to get those looked at while I under go this challenge.

It does feel like the odds are against me. But I certainly felt much worse after looking at porn last night.

 

I relapsed for a second time...apparently I don't even need to masturbate to even get an orgasm right now.

This is going to be a challenge, I was originally just going to give up on this, but I am doing to do it for a third time.

I am hoping this time I can at least make it to a month without relapsing. The problem is that my life is insanely boring and my health problems (mainly due to being too tired to do something to distract myself, I think I know what's causing it, it isn't porn) are making this challenge very difficult.