I saw this girl and my mind started racing.

There's this girl I'm "friends" with. We are kind of checking each other out I think. She is mid eastern. For some reason today, when we were out walking on a trail. My mind started to race and think about certain things. It was like - I thought/perceived that she was different......I just felt like how do I act, what do I say. Then I started doing this really weird thing, it was like I was analyzing her culture and mine....and my mind started to trip out. I started to have all these panic thoughts, anxious thoughts.
I ended up getting the thought somehow that "Americans are generally self-centered, focused....and that she'd notice this about me", or perhaps I was being this way. But maybe this was just a thought I just thought? It's so weird to tell reality from what my mind just puts in there. I started to panic about it..and was conscious about it the whole time. I get really confused with too much thoughts and information. I feel like I'm in a vacuum - with my thoughts. It is the strangest, most uncomfortable feeling. It's like I have tunnel vision, and I can only see that one thought that I'm thinking. I'm so anxious during that. What's this mean/ is it normal?

......I don't know... why does this happen to me? then I started to race about all sorts of different things. Like getting depressed and down about theU.S.wanting to leave, I didn't want to sound negative to her, it was really confusing and hard to handle. Then I started to get anxious she was noticing me quiet. Then my mind raced about a million other things. Why does this happen?
Is it normal? Is there something wrong with me...?

Everytime I think about the wanting to leave here, it shreds me up inside - literally. I get so damn depressed, that's one thing that really tears me up inside. It makes me so upset inside I can't stand it, so miserable.
I can have myself so convinced I just want to leave - that it would be better elsewhere.
But, this feeling passes....

I'm not sure what it means.
Anyways, just sharing.
Maybe I should move? or, go to a psychiatrist? I don't know ...sometimes I feel like I"m not normal. I spaz, I have quirks and am agitative and hyperactive. It gets worse when I am anxious. Mirrors really get me. I don't know why it's the strangest thing.

 

Sometimes, it is hard to handle all of my competing thoughts/feelings that house inside me. I feel my mind spirals in a million directions.... it's terrifying. It's like I begin to lose the ability to think clearly. ...it's just junk after junk thoughts in my head, coming up. I also get like I feel like I have to detail and explain everything when I'm like this, like as if I'll miss something. I get narrow focused. What the hell? Sometimes I just feel that I can't handle life - that I go to pieces. I know this sounds bad, but I'm being honest, it's terrifying. Sometimes I feel that...I literally can't handle it - that I'm splitting into a million different directions. .. for no reason. I know it's just a feeling but its terrifying, and it affects my decisions/judgement.

What is wrong with me? Sometimes I feel I can't make decisions. ...that I'm too skewed or in the zone that's weird or, not right - to make decisions, which terrifies me further.

 

Thank you for your responses. Yesterday was a rough day. There was no doubt about it, I didn't get enough sleep the night before, and that was a contributor.
First, there are things I need to discuss which I didn't to begin. I think with this girl, there are elements involved which complicate me and throw me off balance. I guess, in a way - I wanted to go after her because she was exotic, and feminine, to me. I thought that I have this thing for middle eastern girls; because I used to live there, and enjoyed it, and I remembered how nice they were to me, there.
But I'm running a danger of ignorance in my thinking. I'm putting her up on a pedestal in my mind, of what I think she is. It's actually my fantasy that I have, and it's not her. I think I'm thrown off balance because, in this case I'm laying myself low to try to ....understand her culture, and be generous, accepting, etc. This throws me off balance - because then I end up treating her differently, than I would other girls, and then I'm not sure what's right and wrong. It's like I go out of my way more; and I may not see her lack of care about me....or her just using me, and not realize it; because I'll think - well oh, that's just their culture over there. So I don't know how to judge what's right and not, my paradigm of fair/unfair has been momentarily suspended, putting me in a sort of danger. I can feel it.


I thought I did, but I don't really like this girl anymore. Firstly, I don't find her that physically attractive, I thought that maybe I did in the beginning. But I don't. I like her kind, feminine nature...that's what I was really attracted to. And it seems she's adopted or adopting a "western girl" attitude, which really depressed hell out of me, and set my sails down.
Anyway, I'm not sure this is worth pursuing. She also shows what seems to me, to be, a surprising lack of care or concern for my well-being or of my feelings. It seems to be all about her, and what she wants and needs - which really tbh started to piss me off. She shows no concern for what I want or willing to meet me half-way. It's all about "me forming around her, the gentle princess. I must not touch....until she's ready." It's like I'm a dog just waiting for my treat. This really aggravated me. I wanted to take her out last night for New Years. She agreed she had wanted to go dancing. So I called and texted her all night, showing pictures of the place with lights, and just told her that "she'd have a good time!" ....I was really gracious and nice about it. I heard nothing. She just ignored me. I think I'm over this one girl. I hate being used.




*On a sidenote - when I'm under duress or extreme stress, which is transient - that is the time for me to experience all of these weird mental states I talk about. Sometimes, I'll really argue or fight my thoughts, when in an extreme intense state, which of course makes them fester around in a cycle in my brain. ...I've figured out that I need to cool it, treat myself with tlc and not try to fight my thoughts, that this way they will just pass through. ..I understand that I'm adopting a new paradigm "for me", which includes spiritual principles and gentleness, acceptance, etc,. instead of the old way I used to learn to handle my emotions and thoughts, and how I used to handle everything; which is terrible in retrospect. ..What I mean is, I used my fathers' style of militarism, that's how he raised us up to be: stern/ rigid/ controlling...power, "straight lines", to get things done. This was indeed how my father operated, and it did cause him many problems, much, much pain. But he insisted, he was military, a Colonel, and so we had no choice....really, in a lot of ways. Looking back, this style has probably done more to ruin me and sabotage my interests, relationships and life - than any other singular thing.
Anyway, so I'm doing away with all of that now. I'm much relieved for it, too. It's wonderfully amazing, to just watch everything melt and fade away. It was so easy...that I didn't get it, before. O well. Life's that way. ..I feel myself changing. I particularly gain a lot from the gospel of Thomas (gnostic) of the sayings of Jesus, in the dead sea scrolls. But I've been reading Taoism, as well.

Anyways, thanks for reading and your responses,
Happy new year!