I tried sex with a girl and it doesnt work now i am scared of trying again

Welcome to the NoFap Community.
I haven't been in your exact same situation, but i can relate to what is happening to you.

Before i quit, i had been M for 3 years, always with P. One day, just a few weeks before i started NoFap, i had to M without P, and i found that it was really difficult and unpleasant to end (not as with P).

Providing that i'm young and healthy, that was a result of a mild PIED (Porn Induced Erectyle Disfunction). My brain worked perfectly under hyper-stymulation, but regular stymulation wasn't enough for it (as it was when i first M).
You should evaluate your situation, and consider if it is PIED (if you work OK with P, it probably is, but i'm not an authority to diagnose you).

To put it simple, our monkey brains can't handle the massive and numerous shots of dopamine, and progressively starts to adapt, resulting in an inability to get excited to regular shots of dopamine.
(To learn more about this, you should read "Your brain on porn", which will make you understand what is happening and how to overcome this problem).

The time you have spent watching P, the age you started, or the type of P you consumed, are some of the factors that will affect your recuperation time, difficulty and recovery. To put this straight, you may never ABSOLUTELY reverse all the damages, but giving your brain some rest will definitely improve its condition.

The recovery will be really difficult and stressful, specially in the first 2 months. You will learn the meaning of the word "crave". You will need a strong commitment, and the best way to overcome this bad habit, is by developing a good one (exercise, reading, etc...). There are some great posts about this, so i won't talk about it.

Finally, about that girl. I would recommend you not to have sexual encounters, and i'll tell you why. The point of getting rid of porn, is to be able to enjoy again regular shots of dopamine by readapting the brain to normality. By having sexual encounters, your recover will slow down and you may end using her as a sexual relief (that apart from using her as a sex object (which is dehumanizing and selfish), will provide your brain it's regular dopamine shot, and slow down the process).

Sex isn't as important for girls, as it is for boys. You may not tell her YET about your P addiction , PIED, etc (that's up to you), but you should tell her that you need time to heal. If she is worth it, she will understand and wait.

But REMEMBER: In the meantime, you will have to learn to treat her properly and to give her attention and affection without sex. If you really like her, this temporal abstinence shouldn't be a problem.

Good luck,
And remember that your biggest ally is Patience.

 

The problem was stated before this phrase was in. You are accustomed to heavy, heavy stimulation. Maybe you aren't aware of it, but if you want to overcome that, you WILL HAVE to be.
I disagree with the fella here saying you shouldn't have sex, but I agree in that maybe you should wait for at least two weeks of complete abstinence before it. (Well, maybe if you're so into it Red Riot isn't that wrong about it, but I think maybe normal sex should be good if you can enjoy it).

 

The previous two sum it up. This is definitely because of porn. If you really really are into this girl and want to go further I would try to convey your problem to her and save her self esteem. She is likely to understand and would appreciate the openness and honesty and sincerity. During whatever length of reboot you chose, get to know her more and learn to love bringing a smile to her face.

Cheers brother! Sincerest good wishes to you!

 

@MisterJ420 Good to hear that you're willing to do this for the sake of that girl. Sometimes we need external reasons to change internally.
Just a little reminder, and maybe a discouraging one:
No matter how strong is your motivation, it won't eliminate the difficulty of this process.

There will be really hard times when your motivation won't fuel you enough. Trust me when I say that i'm doing this for the most loving reasons, and after 4 months, there have been some extremely stressful days that almost made me fail, times were my motives were put to the test.

Motivation is the reason you give yourself to choose suffer over instant pleasure.
In those times, you won't feel like it, but you will have to remember WHY are you doing this. And that will only be a reason to guide your actions.

 

Sincerely I have no idea how a guy which has 20 to 30 porn tabs open even got to have sex in the first place. Secondly, it is proven that this shit can cause impotence. Give up to this addiction.

 

I've had situations sorta like this when things heat up too fast. I find that more foreplay helps with this. Also, have you checked with a Dr about it to make sure it's not some other reason that's causing it?

 

You can be good with women and still be a porn addict

 

Anxiety will ruin a woody all the time. Porn brain adds on to the situation. I think it’s too separate problems at the same time.

Mr. 420. STOP smoking weed, that kills woodies too directly and indirectly due to the pot lifestyle. I was a heavy pot smoker for years and it’s not sexy and you will see this after you quit.

Don’t tell her about your porn problems, the probability is high she gets insecure, subconsciously angry, weirded out ect that you have seen too many hot girls doing things she is not sure she would do or as good.

Two weeks no P no M no Ejaculation might help you for that next time but you really need to reboot 60-90 days.

I disagree with a post above saying girls are not as horny as guys. Many girls are hornier than guys.

That being said, get your 2 weeks abstinence in. No Psubs as well, cutout social media, tv, cuz Psubs everywhere. Starve those P brain connections, replace them with Heathly sexual thoughts so you are not so driven and only excited to do all those porn site categories with your chick. Work out, read, spend time with yourself.

Best of luck and thanks for letting me write on your board which I do to remind myself of what needs to be done and why!

 

How the fuck do you have 20 to 30 tabs of porn open and still get laid unless your bullshitting? While other Woman/Men on here are trying to get free happy beautiful life's on here? Men can live happy life's with out a touch of a tab bar or getting laid like you each day. Dude treat her as a damn queen and quit the porn. If I had a damn relationship right now I would be doing my absolute best. The fact you are telling us you got a bj but not getting hard when you stick it in doesn't make sense. Poor you?

 

One night have sex, and the another night when alone, use PMO with 20/30 tabs... which is a pretty good indicator of a PMO addiction, which is why we're here in the first place. If you haven't had this experience then be grateful for it, instead of dishing out your own anger to all of us trying to stop.

 

My apologies. Now that I think about the past I've had the same experiences, for me I was a teenager. Right situation and time at a friends house and my crush asked me to go up stairs. I remember it being very sloppy, not the romantic kinda first kiss I always imagined, but it took me off guard. Of course the next times we got together and with friends it seemed like it was going beyond the normal "hit". I remember after that night I went back home looked up her race and fapped again. I guess I do kinda understand this now and I didn't think before I posted. I apologize.

 

You will eventually heal if you stick to nofap, but it can take very long. If you want to have sex in the meantime use ED pills. It will help you to have successful erections and prevent performance anxiety.