I want to start new life. But i cant

I have many problem in my life, and this (PMO) is the biggest thing in my life.

Let me tell my story. Now im 20 years old, it was over 7 years ago to have my first maked orgasm. The problem is 3~4 years from back, i fvcked up my life just for PMO. I think everyday i do it gently , and i always regret, and blame myself after finish that job. Im already taking psycholog, and many of method but i never fired at this job. And you know the sirculation, started after finish the dirty job i willing to stop and promise dont do it again, but once i want and i see the P0rn, my brain just say, "do it, no problen, JUST DO IT, YES YOU CAN. JUST ONCE AGAIN." And of course i surrender and follow the taste of fail, though i enjoying that 0rgsm.

I want to stop it, because i cant having fun in my live, i always have an unlucky things after do that job. Once in Korea i lost my wallet, with the identity card and big money after 1 day i fap. And i cant enjoy my outside life because i just stay in my house. In over 1 years , i fap almost everyday. Oh my godness help me.

I try to wite blog, reading book, fitness, and go out but it just call my sensual brain to stimulate again. And i try to join the martial art group and find social forum but no change. Badly every finish the meeting or training i take that dirt job again as if i celebrate it. Oh no.

I ever stop fap, for several days . But i it changed my emotional, i often get mad to almost everyone, and my focus is tottaly blur. I dont play this game anymore.

Im from Indonesia, i want to find forum , and sharing for motivate. Maybe good if anyone Indonesian, we can be friend and meet sometimes.