I hate myself and i can't express it enough.I've literally though about killing myself multiple times I know i had a problem with porn and masturbating addiction for a very,VERY long time and it feels like i don't want to change but i know i have to. My life has become a complete mess i have no connection with any of my family, I am lossing my friends slowly, and havent talked to a girl in a year. My last girlfriend left me because i didn't show her any effection.One day she asked me to walk her home and i made a lie up on the spot just to take the bus go home and masturbate.I also wouldn't text her and barely kept a conversation when we did. I was just worried about getting home and getting my release. This is all my life has become a cat and mouse game of when i will get my next nut nothing else matters. I feel absolutely worthless and i haven't had an erection in years.Ive been jerking off a dead dick and i know it.Even the doctor told me i had inflammation all over my pelvis from excessive masturbation and yet i still went home and jerked off. I have slowed down and only do it 2 times a week but when i do its 5-7 times a day without an erection i just do it to cum.I need help ive tried almost everything meditation,reading,boxing,picking up an instrument but at the end of the day it only last about a week and there i am back in my bed with a bunch of porn tabs open masturbating feeling guilty as ever.I just repeat the same cycle over and over i feel stuck. I am destroying my life for 5 seconds of pleasure. I have joined NoFap because i always lose motivation when i start and I've never told anyone about it because i am ashamed of what i have become.I feel i can't be open with my family because theyll laugh or something.After reading some sucess stories i love the support you guys give each other and were hoping you guys could help me on this journey.
I feel sympathy over your problem, how long actually you got problem with porn and masturbation ? Depending on lenght time i will give different advice
I'm very sorry for your pain. You are in a good supportive place. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, please, please get help. You can call this number for free. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Provides help to those in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Call 1-800-273-8255
It has been ever since the very first time one of my friends showed me porn and explained masturbation to me in 5th grade so about 8 years.BTW thank you in advance i really appreciate the help
I have steps that you can take, and they will very likely work, even with your addiction as bad as it is. They won't be easy though. Are you willing to do what it takes? 1. Remove as many triggers as you can. Get porn blocking software, quit social media, stop watching movies and tv with triggers-even if they don't immediately cause you to relapse- and don't look at women in a lustful/sexual way. Take some time to seriously think about whether or not you REALLY need the devices that you use for porn. Do you need them, or just want them? If you can get rid of even one of these devices, you will have a much easier time. 2. Change things up. You're brain is accustomed to certain patterns, activities, furniture arrangements. Your addiction has become so pervasive that you now associate your entire lifestyle, even the non pmo parts, with pmo. Anything that you do before pmo on a regular basis has become a trigger for you. You may have noticed that when you open your laptop, you are struck with an urge to pmo, even if you didn't have one before. Change up these patterns. 3. Replace bad habits with good ones. Start working out, read books, go for walks, etc. You can't be free from an addiction if you don't replace the space it filled in your life. 4. Educate yourself on what pmo does to your brain chemistry and body. Knowledge is power, learn it, love it, use it. 5. Start to forgive yourself. You've screwed up a lot, but honestly, who hasn't? You won't help yourself if you hate yourself, so set goals and LITTLE rewards for successes. Big rewards can be counterproductive for addicts like us. Out loud, say to yourself, "I forgive you" I know it's silly, but it does help. 6. Look into prayer and religion. I'm a Roman Catholic, and I personally suggest it to anyone who wants to be happy. If you aren't ready to take the leap into an actual religion, just try praying. Daily prayer goes hand in hand with not relapsing for me. It can do the same for you. 7. I've referred to 'your addiction' a couple of times, and I did that intentionally. This addiction belongs to you. It is yours to keep or throw away. It has no power over you that you do not allow. You are not powerless against it. You can stop at any time, just like we all can. It isn't easy, because we have given our addictions so much power, and whenever they demand power over us, we just give it to them. We just need to stop giving addiction that power. 8. Most people relapse a ton before they get a good streak going, and then they normally lose that. The key is to forgive yourself, get up, and move forward. Don't waste your time with all that self pity/self hatred crap. Learn what leads you to relapse, and then find ways to counteract those things. If I had to guess, I would say that self hatred leads you to relapse. 9. Look into accountability partners, especially in real life, but here on nofap too. There is a whole forum section devoted to finding one.
First off i want to say thank you so much i can't even begin to explain how much this helps.I think you're spot on with the observation that my hatred toward myself could be the main factor, so i will look to improve myself over the following weeks.I am going to start to reconnect with my spiritual side.I was a Catholic a long time ago but after sometime I grew apart with that part of me.I will come back to this post and re-read it everytime i have a negative thought or am about to take negative action and follow your steps accordingly.I did recently just start reading a book and i turn to it everytime i think about PMO.As for step 9 I will make an attempt to find someone i can talk to in real life but this is an embarrassing thing to bring up so it might take a little to find someone i can put my trust into.Again Thank you.
