I Woudln't Be Able to Resist Sex (Update: Not Anymore)

As a virgin who's been off of PMO for 35 days, my sexual energy is through the roof. I become horny extremely easily and the fantasies get uncontrollable. A few days ago my dick started hardening even while talking to a hot girl who I think might be attracted to me. It was only a short exchange and there was no noticeable "bump" down there, so nothing went wrong.

Although I'm confident that I can keep resisting masturbation, I feel like I wouldn't he able to resist making a move on any girl whom I'm getting friendly with (unless it necessarily feels inappropriate). I simply wouldn't be able to control myself.

I feel like there's an animal inside of me growing bigger and stronger. I embody that sexually motivated personality in my imagination during my fantasies, and I'm liking being that guy. I feel masculine, bold, dominant, assertive, etc, and even my voice changes during the embodiment. That imaginative personality has become more and more manifest in real life.

I've noticed that my voice, posture, etc change significantly when I speak to women I'm attracted to. All I can think of when I talk to them is the fact that I wanna fuck them. I know that all of this is natural, and the personality shift I"m experiencing (which began a long time ago, by the way, and has since been on and off due to reboots and other factors) has to be welcomed and accommodated. I don't think that any form of masculinity is necessarily toxic. Although I do feel agressive, sexually minded towards women, more confrontational, etc, I know that I can always channel all that energy correctly by upholding good social values that I believe in.

But aside from all of that, I would like to remain celibate for certain reasons, and I am genuinely afraid that I might not be able to hold myself if I get the opportunity to fuck any girl who's pretty enough within a range, especially one of the better ones.

I'd wanna have sex only in a meaningful relationship, which is something I'm not currently even open to or looking for. I'm going through volatile times currently and would like to dig deep and dark, all by myself, to explore the abyss and find fulfilment and meaning in life.

 

I've heard about it a lot, and I'd definitely get into it once I pursue a relationship. For now I'm not looking for a relationship, and worried about falling into the hands of casual sex due to all the sexual tension.

 

Damn, that's inspiring to hear. I'm not even able to decline that kind of an offer in visualization. The thirst takes over.

I don't think I've been "feeding" the fantasies, at least not voluntarily. I try broadening perspective when my mind goes there, but sometimes it's just extremely hard to prevent the thoughts. I sometimes don't even realize that I'm fantasizing until I've already been in it for too long. I don't wanna resist the thoughts because I know that it's not the answer. I wanna let them flow by, trying not to feed them attention. It's the same as in meditation. Resistance isn't the solution.

 

Thanks, @milarepa999 @blacklabel92 @Learn to fly again

I had a wet dream last night, so I feel depleted and calmer. I miss being overcharged sexually since it makes me feel more masculine and powerful.

 

I think I can resist it now. After today's session of laying down and being alone with my thoughts, I sat back up and thought about what I wanted in life from a deeper perspective. That swept away the animalistic insistence inside me of trying to have sex if a girl were to make the slightest move on me.

I'm finally able to visualize declining a seductive offer. I couldn't even do it in my imagination before because of the sexual urges.