In need of help for a New Beginning

Hello everybody
I would appreciate if people who have been through the usual problems with girls would read this post fully and give me an answer to my questions.



I once had a three-month long streak until October, and I started to do M and P again, but I'm still proud of what I did.

So far I have had two girlfriends, but haven't slept with either of them by my own choice, which means I am still a virgin. Now, I will be very honest with you. I am a 22 year old man and I don't like complaining, but I miss intimacy so much that I cannot express it in words. My abilities with girls are not so good, and I cannot really tell why, because I consider myself smart and interesting enough, and I always respect and make girls laugh and feel good. But it seems I just don't have that attractiveness that all the cool guys do. I don't go to clubs and I'm not looking for one night stands (although I sometimes feel I am, because of my strong urges). I want someone to love and who will love me back. I want someone whom I can hug and hold with all my heart and trust while feeling that weakness that makes you shiver (I can even feel it now!). My desire is extremely strong.

I received a one-year long scholarship from a university and I left my home country. I always try to spend my time with people here, especially with girls, even if most of them don't seem to be open to get to know me (maybe because they can see I am not the party-drinking person whom they want to have fun with). My roommate is usually around and the showers are shared so I don't really have the privacy which would allow me to watch P or to M. Well, I believe I could find a way to if I wanted, but my point is that I think these are the best circumstances for me to finally change my life.

I got out of my comfort zone, I am trying to open myself to people as much as possible and I am giving my best not to feel disappointed for every time I will be rejected (which, I am sure, will happen many times).

I often imagine myself having that special someone and it becomes all I can think of. Many times the thoughts come with sadness, because I feel it will be almost impossible to me to find that person, given the fact that I can hardly find any person whom I would have shared feelings with.

All the authors of the articles I have read on this topic (which are many) are saying that they are sure the reader will find that special someone and on forums people say that they are sorry that they don't know each other because the person seems really nice and they would certainly give them a chance. But I wonder, where are those people?

If I had to make a comparison, I would say that I feel like a person who hasn't been eating for a while while everybody around him has a table full of food which they just throw away, and I don't understand why don't I get at least a slice of pizza, although I've been polite and respectful with everybody.

I may have written too much, and I admit the fact that it may be possible that I'm exaggerating, but this really is how I feel and I felt I had to share my thoughts with people who have been trough all this. I would like to ask you to answer my post any way you want and give me your opinion, some advice or additional information which could help me change better and faster.

Thank you in advance!
B.