Internet conundrum

I've tried blockers for years and same thing, doesn't work, if I didn't have a family id just use library computer and flip phone, I tried that before actually but my job and my family demanded more technology from me. I just wish the world would see this is a big problem and we could get a censored provider like China does, I know they're communist but they hit this internet thing right on the nail

 

[post on the relation between NoFap, P, and the Internet. Just aside of your initial question OP]

Cutting yourself from the source isn't enough, and never will be - if we're here it's because no matter the cost (emotional, social, physical, sentimental..) we continue to persue what we crave, and we find it, one way or another. Cutting yourself from the source (with blockers, meditation retreats, NoFap, whatever else etc) is a good and necessary start - if we can't gather enough willpower to do that there's little chance we will be able to make the necessary changes in our behavior and mindset.

We must kill the craving and replace it by a desire for something that doesn't have such a cost, or maybe it has a high cost but with far better rewards.

May I ask something about your internet use : Do you have to (as in professional necessity) be at your web-connected computer for extended periods of time?
If not, then you can work you way around the computer one way or another. If you do have to, then maybe you can try changing something external that will prevent you from accessing triggering material - move to a part where you're not alone in your workplace anymore, use a co-working space, move your desk so that everybody can see what's on your screen from where they are, etc. Doing this (you only have to do it once, then there's no putting the people beside you out when you have an urge, or moving your office around - it will be an extra layer of protection. Chances are, in the early stages you'll develop a sixth sense as to who stands behind you - you brain will want to know, because it wants its fix. You might also find yourself shifting scehdules around and suddenly be alone and safe - that will be your addicted brain recreating the conditions for the usage to resume. At which point you might realize how far it goes, and decide if you want that behavior control your actions, or decide that it's you and you alone who are in control.

This sounds obvious I know, and you might find 1000 reasons why you can't make it happen, but please ponder what's the true part of these reasons that have something to do with the fact that your brain has absolutely no intention of letting you cut it from its P feed.

As an illustration with my case (which you can easily skip if you don't care), I do have to spend incredible daily amounts of time behind the computer for work, and I also do much of my entertainment on it. There's no one here to oversee my working hours, there's no one in the vicinity, and I'm usually in an office at my house. So there was no help coming from the outside world, no condition I could set up to force myself to behave. It was paramount that I build the willpower inside myself or else I'd always relapse. So I decided against a blocker. I was a famished belly staring at a closed fridge - all I had to do was open it and plunder. And I did, sometimes. What followed these episodes was each time a new thing learned about my craving, the circumstances that led me to that, and lots of light in the maze of my addiction. Took a few months but I finally managed to establish a strong will, with the help of meditation and cold showers and gym and reading and a lot more of time where I would just take care of myself. After that, I was working and playing and creating and reading and writing about 12h a day on the unprotected computer, and at no point did I give way to my craving. Went to 108 days streak, then had another difficult time where the relapse broke me down, then I started again with the streak I'm in - 7 months and counting. And there's no way that willpower will break, you know why? Because it's reinforced everyday by the pride that I did this on my own (with the help and support of NoFap community of course ), that this is my doing, my will, my strength, and no external circumstances or lock or gizmo that I would depend on today.

All that to say, that you too can do this - I'm no superhero, and my initial circumstances were aweful regarding P and my own usage.

Like @AM141 just said :

 

Most definitely, especially since it's the time at home that troubles you most - a shower isn't far. On top of making you focus on something else than the dancing P images in your head that would torture you until you open that good old webpage, cold showers have helped build willpower at the very start. And like AM141 just said, it has some physical benefits that can't be denied! Although I personnaly think the best take away is that you confront yourself to something that you anticipate as highly unpleasant (though harmless), you force yourself through it, and when you're through you feel physically amazing and mentally amazing : you've done it. The next one is easier, because you've been there, and you know the unpleasantness isn't that bad, and the feeling after was awesome, so it's a little bit easier. Etc. etc. Builds a willpower habit very efficiently and at reduced cost and exposure.

Protip : if you can't bring yourself to 100% cold from the start, then use a normal shower, then pledge to not come out before you spend a good 20 seconds with 100% cold only, and cut the warm water. Makes it easier at first Some call it the James Bond shower. I've no idea why xD