Introduction to Me

Hey guys. I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself here.
I’m not new; far from it. I’ve been trying to quit for years.
I’m 17 now and I come from Ontario, Canada.
Back when I was 14 in February 2016, I discovered NoFap and gave it a try. Prior to that, I felt very guilty after each PMO session and I’d swear it off forever only to relapse a few days later.
I didn’t get very far in 2016. I had countless relapses. For most of the year, my longest streak was 25 days, which took place around May and the beginning of June. After that relapse, I spiralled down and had a miserable rest of the year. Then, in December, I had an amazing streak of 31 days, in which I went to see my grandparents in Thunder Bay, which were some of the best in my life. I still sometimes wish I could go back there!
Much of my habits I use on NoFap were learned in 2016.
I had a few other shorter streaks in early 2017, all ranging around 20 days.
Then, from March break to the end of April, I had a great streak of 40 days, in which I visited Cuba with my school. During that time, I thought that I’d finally make it to Day 90. The relapse after that was devastating. I felt so depressed and thought that I’d never break free.
Then, on Friday, April 28, 2017, I went on a 90-day streak to Friday, July 28, 2017. I had finally done it! I felt great! It was awesome! I was free, right? Once I hit Day 90, I left NoFap and deleted all my stuff while maintaining a life free of PMO. However, I had no clearly defined plan and I slipped back into bad habits and I ended up relapsing while I was on vacation in Europe. That spoiled the rest of the trip.
I spiralled downwards for the rest of the year, usually relapsing around the 20-day mark. I began to feel better around June. I had a relapse around the very end of July after a trip to Ottawa. I finally temporarily ended the downward spiral on Saturday, August 11, 2018, when I went on 55-day streak. During that streak, things were great. I did my ARCT exam, finished piano, went on a trip to Thunder Bay and began grade 12. Looking back, part of the reason I felt so good was the warm weather. Cold and cloudy weather makes me feel like shit.
Anyways, during that streak, I thought that I’d finally make it since I made it so far. However, I never found a way to silence my urges and I had strong urges for at least 20 days. Then, on Saturday, October 6, 2018, I relapsed. I thought that I could go back to watching porn without guilt but I was so wrong. I hit rock bottom. That was it. I’d never quit.
But, I decided to give this another try. Instead of doing the conventional method where I’d try again in about 10 days, I decided to wait a while. I decided to wait until Sunday, December 9, 2018 so that 120 days from then would be Monday, April 8, 2019, which is my 18th birthday.
I also decided to get my NoFap research out of the way (which is collecting posts and pictures and saving them). Usually I spend the first 30 days doing this which unnecessarily builds up the stress during such a crucial time.
I hope to make it to Day 120 because I really want to quit. I’ve always wanted to quit because porn makes me feel terrible.
Anyways, I look forward to a fun recovery!

 

Welcome to the community.

 

Thanks guys!