Is it a good idea to tell your GIRLFRIEND?

She needs to understand how Evolution works. You're just doing what you've been programmed to do. The vast vast vast majority of boys/men get turned on by internet pornography because it exploits our primal urge to procreate. She should be helpful and understanding (and she would be if she understood evolutionary biology). All I can advice you to do is to educate her using yourbrainonporn.com and hope she gets it.

 

Well, you have to tell her. Always better to let your better half know. Then you will also know better. And yes educate her and maybe tell her you really care for her and want to change for better future together. And really do it then man.

I had a gf who tried to help me and at that time I din't try hard enough. Now I regret it.

Fight and have faith. Believe in yourself that you can change, then she will too.

By the great going. 13 days. See you at 90.

 

Her feelings are valid. There is no way she "should" act. Porn is vile and disgusting so she has every right to feel this way especially because she is saving herself for marriage while you are wanking to porn.

My advice is to tell her that you agree with her and you have recommitted yourself to your marriage bed and then ask for her support. Just tell her that you thought it was normal but you want to change (or whatever the reasons are). You are doing an awesome thing that will strengthen your relationship in ways you may not even be fully aware of yet! Good luck

 

@Spider92 yes, absolutely yes. I told my girlfriend about it, and she's been a great help to me. She didn't have the same reaction as your girl though, because she's struggled with addiction before and she knows what it's like to go through it.

That being said, @Limeaid is right. It's perfectly understandable that she would respond that way - no matter how "mainstream" porn might be, it's still repulsive, and she has a right to be repulsed by your actions. It's up to you to show her that you're serious about committing to her and to solving your problem - and honestly, being 13 days clean is a damned good start. Give her as much time as she needs to process the information - scary things like that don't get processed easily at all, and a revelation like that takes time to sink in. She'll definitely be affected by this for at least a couple of months after, and probably longer. So show her that you're committed to changing, communicate with her often about it if she's okay with it, and do other things to show that you care for her as a person (which I'm sure you're already doing). Your relationship gets stronger when you deal with tough issues like this together, rather than sweeping it under the rug or stuffing it into a cupboard where it can fester and grow into a hideous monster.

Best of luck on your journey!

 

It's a shame that you didn't give her the details, because it is the details that could show her that you are serious about quitting and that you regret letting your problem get in the way of your relationship. If you leave her to her own devices, it is natural that she would experience feelings of betrayal and self doubt. Peregrinnus has good advice. It will definitely take time for her to accept your past actions and/or forgive you. It will also take a lot of work on your part, now that she knows about this.

I suggest preparing how you approach her when you bring up the topic again. Make it clear that you don't watch porn to fill a sexual desire that she can't fill. In some ways we are slaves to our desires and in this case, we are slaves to porn. Perhaps you could show her this video to give her an idea of the seriousness of this addiction.

Next, you should communicate to her your willingness and determination to change your actions. You could mention that you're 13 days clean, but mention it as a preliminary testament to your commitment to change, rather than as an achievement as such. It is likely that she will expect long term commitment from you in abstaining from PMO. Thirteen days may seem like a hollow promise to her at this early stage in your recovery.

Lastly, include her in your recovery process in some way. This could include introducing her to this site and allowing to keep up with your progress and follow your journal. As peregrinnus has just mentioned: "Your relationship gets stronger when you deal with tough issues like this together".

Good luck!

 

Oh woops, I forgot to add it in! I've linked it in my original post now. All the best!

 

Hey bro,

I'm a christian too and I've been where you've been with a girlfriend, quite a few years ago now. Here is my personal recommendation (in short) - don't talk to her about it. Find someone that you know isn't addicted to porn, maybe from your church, and share your excitement with them. This will help you to keep you accountable. I you have more questions, feel free to PM me.