Is it possible to recover around mid 30s after 20 years of addiction?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by sephiroth-zero, Jun 17, 2019.

  1. sephiroth-zero

    sephiroth-zero Fapstronaut

    Long story short, I have been watching and masturbating to porn for around 20 years and now 33 years old. I was a virgin until late last year when I can't take it anymore and went to a brothel, I tried several times and either can't keep an erection or can't even get hard at all, even with the V pill. I get really frustrated and come home to test myself by watching porn. I could still get hard with some porn and can orgasm and cum. But I think I might have developed some kind of fetish that usual porn doesn't turn me on, and I think I developed death grip too because the sensations inside a vagina doesn't even feel stimulating to me.

    I tried many times to quit, max I achieved is 3 weeks no PMO given my sexual frustration, I think about sex all the time, but my body doesn't react and there's actually no desire.

    I see many people here are probably in their teens and 20s, when I still had a sex drive, but now it's like totally gone. I used to get morning wood everyday until late 20s, my addiction wasn't that bad before, usually just few times a week. But I guess around the last year it started to get worse, caused by depression because of sexual frustration as a virgin at my age, then streaming porn instead of downloading, seeking for new exciting videos to get me off. But now stuck with a dead dick that doesn't even wake up or respond...

    Is it too late at my age? I get really depressed thinking I can never have successful sex in my life.
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  2. Head-Of-Holofernes

    Head-Of-Holofernes New Fapstronaut

    You can do it! The sensations of a vagina are quite different to a hand. I'm a similar age and problem for PMO for just as long, although have had a lot of girlfriends (but the relationships always go wrong. Always) and so I know I'm an addict in all sorts of ways. Recently I really thought that I'd never manage to get any sober time because I was PMOing several times a day every day without fail. Then, I had a terrible motorbike accident and ended up in hospital unable to use my broken arms and pumped full of morphine and found that under those circumstances I could actually go ten days without doing it, until I relapsed. I can see that I'm just addicted to the emotions and sensations and brain chemicals that are involved in PMO and that I could possibly achieve long term sobriety (and this isn't the first time, I was in sex and love addicts anonymous for a year and couldn't really get any sober time there either and didn't really think the 12 step thing helps for sex, although other groups did help me with drink and drugs). I'm now on day one yet again of nofap and no doubt I'll fail and relapse but I've just got to keep on trying. I really want a beautiful girlfriend and a loving relationship and to be the great person I need to be a to get that and for myself, so I'm sure you can do it too. A good counsellor can help if you can afford it. Support groups and staying busy and not isolated are good too. Isolation is really a key for me, but then I'm isolated and lonely a lot, so I PMO which keeps me isolated and lonely. Life is tough! You can do it. Happy to talk if you want and I'm online again.
    Indurian likes this.
  3. RebootIan

    RebootIan Fapstronaut

    39 years old here and recovering.
    Anything is possible.
    All the very best of luck
    Head-Of-Holofernes likes this.
  4. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

    I'm recovering my self at 40 now. Wanted to ask as you are not far behind me in days of PMO free. You having any wet dreams at all..?? I haven't but think because the head is so fried from all the PMO though is the problem. I get nocturnal and morning wood as well. I think at this age and with very little sexual experience for myself will take over a year to two to actually become something of what I somewhat remember as a young man.
  5. RebootIan

    RebootIan Fapstronaut

    Hey, interesting... I haven't had any WD athough on previous reboot attempts in 2018 I did get a couple.
    I try not to think about when I will be fixed. It stirs up too many emotions and frustrations. I am very much taking it 'one day at a time' which I think is excellent advice for anyone in recovery.
    The other thing that is odd is that I don't have a sexual relationship with my wife at the moment which is a shame as I know that giving up porn is just one side of the coin, the other taking the form of a reconnection with real experience.
    I am sure if I was having regular normal sex, I'd be much further along.
    On the bright side however, we have just started couples therapy with a psycho-sexual counsellor, so fingers crossed for our future.
    I hope this helps a bit?
    I guess everyone's recovery path is different and it is certainly not linear.
    All the best my man.
    BigOne79 and Head-Of-Holofernes like this.
  6. ArduousPath

    ArduousPath Fapstronaut

    I'm one year older than you and have all the same symptoms, but they've been getting worse and worse in the past year like this weird dizziness that feels like you're being pushed from side to side. I've gotten my morning wood back with my previous 2-3 week streaks, but not anymore. Every subsequent relapse will damage your brain even more when you have withdrawal symptoms. This is called kindling and it has killed drug users, but I'm not sure about PMO users.

    You're at the end of your PMO journey. You won't get any satisfaction from it anymore and you will only physically damage your brain even more. I don't want to frighten you, but I'd suggest taking this seriously as it can have dire consequences. Go for a total monk mode for a few months at least, maybe even a year or two as many of the longtime addicts are still recovering after nearing the 2-year mark. Then see if the symptoms will gradually disappear and maybe you can have a healthy sex life with a real partner in the future.
  7. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

    32 now, slept with 1 girl at the age of 31. She was my type and yet i still had a partial ED.
    After we broke up i swore that i will never let anything on this planet stop me from recovering.

    I have regular morning woods and very consistent wet dreams every 7-10 days now. Still a crippling desire for intimacy on certain days but i get wood just while dancing with girls now. I don't know what is going to happen should i ever get the chance to be with a woman again. But i know for sure i don't want that ruined by porn.

    That is why it's worth fighting. Trust me, it is super hard to fight if you haven't slept with a girl yet. And at 20-35 it kinda feels like the clock is ticking, it least it does for me. Which puts even more pressure on this whole ordeal of a situation.
    But if there is one thing i learned is that it IS worth it.

    It's difficult. Very fucking difficult. And you need to be prepared to fight deep depression while on nofap, especially when you're going monkmode. Your brain HATES you for doing it and will do ANYTHING in its power to get you to relapse.
    Our Brains first priority isn't seeking pleasure. It's avoiding pain and loss first. So be ready and fight this stupid mechanism that breaks so many people on this site.
    And be aware that you are vulnerable to a relapse even after a year, 2 years or even 10.
    All you need is one moment of weakness and your brain will abuse it and try to cause you to relapse.

    But knowing this is increadibly helpful, since you can actually work with it. Be aware that you have to fight through it with the rest of us.
    Thats why we have this site. To assist eacch other. Use it as much as you can.
    I actually have everyone i know who is close to me involved in this. My closest friends and even my family knows what happened with my last girl, and everyone has been supportive. I can write posts on nofap on the coffeetable on my laptop with my family next to me and it has just become normal.
    Seriously, try to get the people you trust the most involved. They will want to help you out if they really care for you.

    Fight for your Life
  8. Pointlessaccount

    Pointlessaccount Fapstronaut

    Actually recovery might be a little quicker for you, assuming you didn't start on the P at a really young age. Guys who start as young teenagers or whatever often need more time to heal, but then they have more time ahead of them fortunately!

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