Is it wrong I want my first time to be unprotected?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Fractured Mindset, May 9, 2019.

  1. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    I'm 22, never been in a relationship, tried once recently but got rejected. I won't meet new people until August, and I think my chances of getting a relationship are slim, but I just wanted to put it out there: I want my first time to be without a condom, I'll be fine with using it afterwards, but for the first time I want skin to skin contact.

    I realize this is extremely risky (I don't want kids, people are dishonest), but I've found myself to be overly particular as to what I want despite my lack of experience.

    In the unlikely event I actually find a woman who I want who wants me back, I know I'd push sex back as long as I could focussing on the emotional side first, but I don't think I could keep it up long term. But the future is unwritten and unpredictable.
     
  2. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to this as far as it goes. But I am curious how you can be so confident that after that first time, skin-to-skin, that you would be fine to have sexual intercourse with a rubber thereafter? I also think sex without a condom would feel much better. But after tasting such sweet fruit, could we really settle for a barrier over our cock forever after. I don't know.
     
    Committed to One and Bay like this.
  3. Bale

    Bale Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's as risky as we've been told. I mean, humanity didn't use those for millenia. Anyway, sex with a condom is fine too.
     
  4. Facundo0810

    Facundo0810 Fapstronaut

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    As long as you know that the other person is clean (no potential STD) and there is no risk for an unwanted pregnancy then you should be fine. Just be safe.
     
  5. Committed to One

    Committed to One Fapstronaut

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    Risk #1 - Making babies! It only takes one little guy swimming hard upstream and then you've got a whole lot of other things to be concerned with.
    She can say she's on the pill or has other birth control but you don't really know that and some gals will say that just to hook a guy with a pregnancy.
    Lots of ways to make that go away. The impacts of that emotionaly are a life long burden regardless to what your belief on abortion is. There are emotional consequences. They are real and they are heavy. You don't want them or to cause a women to have to bear them unless you're just a complete ass.
    Risk #2 - And so how are you going to know that??? Make a date out of going to the doctor to BOTH get checked for STDs? Kinda takes the spontaneous moment out of the equation. Which might not be bad, but then see Risk #1.
    "Safe" Alternative - Yes, of course there is always the back door, or hooking up with another guy for some mutual "safe" release. Just make sure you're not fooling yourself and believing that Risk #2 isn't very real. STDs are a gift that just keep on giving. Also life long.
    Fun fact - Just keep escalating in your addiction to PMO and none of these will matter to you. You risk tolerance goes way up the longer you linger with this addiction.
    I am glad that you acknowledge the future is unwritten and unpredictable. Very much so.
    The fact that you are on NoFap and trying to make some positive changes is increasing your chances of becoming someone that would be very desirable in relationship. You are facing a hard reality and doing something about it it. You are growing up. I didn't really start dealing with this until my late 40s. There is this thing called marriage. It's really good. It takes an incredible amount of work, self sacrifice, and patience. Hmmm, you're practicing those things now.
    Regardless of whatever your personal experience of marriage has been growing up in your family, marriage is good. Sex within a committed marriage is way better. The above mentioned risks can be discussed and mitigated together when there is a commitment beyond just "feeling" like "this is the one."
    Commitment is an attribute of a mature adult.
    Not willing to commit, just wanting to see how it works out first, are attributes of a child. You can choose to act like a child your whole life. The world is full of them.
    You can also choose to grow up and take responsibility. It seams like you're at least taking a step down that road by being here. Congrats! Take another one. And then another. A women can spot a man who is on that track a mile away. It is very attractive.
    That is why mature, married guys are so attractive to needy single women, or married women in a hopeless broken marriage. They see something there that is safe, reassuring, committed.
    You will find someone. Do the work on yourself now so that when you do, you are the someone they are hoping to find.
     
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I think this is a bad idea. Firstly I would worry as to why you want this? Can you be sure that it is not porn seeping into your brain? There's a premium for porn (and prostitutes) to have sex without a condom, is your head messed up by that? To be honest the first time you have the girl you fancy naked in front of you you could put a suit of armour on and it would still feel great! It's your first time, don't worry it'll be amazing. My second worry is the pressure on her. What will she think? If you do find a woman who agrees with this is she a better fit for you that the women you passed over because they said (or would say) "no"? Why? When choosing a girlfriend (or long term partner) this seems to limit your choices, and somewhere in the women you are discounting may be your perfect girl.

    It's a mistake.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2019
  7. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Rational me says: wait until you're already committed to the girl before before sticking things in new places, and that my porn and soda addictions have shown me I don't often have good impulse control. I don't want kids at all. I don't want a curable std, and I definitely don't want an incurable std. I may have overly high standards, but I don't know what I'll fall for.

    emotional me says: Just one time, rational me knows I'm not going to settle for a quick fling so it should be safe. I know I have overly high standards. I should be fine.

    this is why I'm conflicted.

    AND...
    I found it hard enough to try and tell a woman I liked her. I can't imagine how difficult talking/asking for sex would be.
    AND...
    I also want my first kiss to be something special, and I'm probably just as afraid of that even though there's so many less risks than sex.
     
  8. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Don't worry - it will be special.
     
  9. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    I've been thinking this over, and I've realized.
    first time for me, I don't want protection.

    with future hookups:
    if both of us have done it before, I'd be fine using protection on the first encounter.
    if it's her first time I wouldn't want to use protection- this time for her sake.
     
  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Why would that be wrong?
     

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