Is there any reason to get married other than for legal benefits?

You know, something else I should mention is this:

I don't necessarily think legal, paper marriage theough the government is important.

It just occurred to me that's an important distinction. There are some legal benefits to being married, of course, but when I speak of "marriage" what I'm picturing is a couple who have made a covenant with God to be together until death parts them. That covenant doesn't have to be made by an officiant, with legal documents, in my opinion.

To me the important distinction between dating and marriage is that official, binding promise, under God. So that being said, I personally don't see much difference between marriage and dating, if the married couple has no issues with the concept of divorce. It just makes it a little bit harder to break up.

I realize that was probably important to mention. It's always good to define terms before discussing something, so we aren't confused and talking about two completely different things.

To me, divorce should only be an option in very extreme cases, like abuse or infidelity. If a couple has made a promise to each other to be together until death parts them, to never leave each other unless there is some kind of abuse or infidelity, and they live their lives that way and stay together until death, then honestly, I think those people are "married" in the eyes of God.

I changed my view on this several years ago, when I thought about the fact that all cultures are different, and not every culture has the same legal process of marriage that mine does. Actually, I believe it came from the thought experience of asking myself if Glenn and Maggie, on The Walking Dead, are truly married. Lol because in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, obviously they don't have government institutions like marriage anymore. But they made a vow to each other and I think that counts in the eyes of God.

I would consider a couple like that no different than a married couple, although I would still recommend the government institution of marriage, for the added benefits and for the reason that it will make it easier for them to stay true to their commitment not to break up. That's just good sense, in my opinion. If you think your vow is important and you see going back on a vow to God as a grave problem, I would want to put up as many safe guards against breaking that vow as possible. So getting married officially under the government would be a good idea, because it would make it harder for you to break your vow.

 

Lots of real wisdom from @Castielle I highly recommend single people who are skeptical of marriage read the posts a couple of times. Lots of really deep stuff that takes years of work to really understand is in there.

My advice:
1) Date around and be social.
2) If you realize someone isn’t right for you for marriage break it off right away.
3) Wait for that special someone you just want to be around all the time.
4) Don’t get married until you are ready to go all in.
5) Have a conversation with your spouse to be to commit to try to both avoid selfishness as much as you can.
6) Live that way and be happy. It’s awesome to be there for someone unconditionally when they are down and it is humbling in a good way when you are down and they are there for you.

 

If you are open to learning about the lesson part on forgiveness may I suggest a good movie on the subject:
The Shack Movie Trailer

 

Of course!!

May it touch your heart powerfully!

 

I used to want to get married now I don't care for it. I think civil partnerships are better.

 

there is a book too!

 

Married here, and no regrets. It doesn't feel a whole lot different than a long term relationship, I suppose, although you reach a point when you know you aren't going to pursue anyone else, and you don't want to either. At least, I did.

Marriage has to be to the right person to make you happy. Even then, you have to keep putting effort in your whole life. It's worth it though! I enjoyed being single well enough but it is so much better having a lovely wife around (and a little baby now).

 

That's super awesome, congratulations to you!

 

I would say your experience in that is more common than mine. But again, that's because if people not understanding the purpose of marriage. If both parties understand the purpose of marriage and are committed to their vow to each other, you can resolve most any issue. It takes time and effort, and I'm not going to pretend it's easy. There have been several times I've cried out to God, scared that my husband and I have a different opinion that is just too big to overcome. But I've been wrong every time. Every time I've asked God for help to either change my heart or his, or both, and help us to work things out and either get on the same page or at least understand each other and be able to work out a compromise, God has come through and we've worked things out.

Honestly, I don't think this would all work out the way I'm speaking of without God. I can definitely think of times when I am pretty darn certain without that prayer, my husband would never have come around to understanding me, or I would never have realized I was wrong and apologized, or whatever the case may be. Of course I don't know for sure. It's possible we could have gotten there on our own, but that kind of thing takes an incredible amount of humility, and I can't say I've ever met a human being capable of that amount of humility without God. It's just not something we are naturally inclined to.

Well if you ever want to talk more about that, you know where to find me. Learning lessons from the Bible is good, but it's not half as good as having a relationship with your Creator and having the Holy Spirit within you to guide you and actually change you from the inside out.

Actually, the main purpose of the first portion of the Bible is to show a record of the past in which people were trying to do exactly that. They tried to follow God's law to make themselves righteous, good people, and historically it shows that for thousands of years, they consistently always failed at doing that. We just aren't capable of following all of God's commands in our own. That's why we need Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

It's still good to read, though, like I said. There are good lessons to learn, but the more important thing to glean from the Bible is salvation, atonement for sins, and securing your eternity with God.

I totally get that. And no worries at all, your attitude is clear and positive. I was just a little nervous at first, because people rarely have that attitude in discussions like this, and I'm often accused of trying to force people to bend to my will, when I'm literally just sharing my beliefs and letting them do with it whatever they want. So I just wanted to be clear about that.

I would recommend a guy named Mike Winger on YouTube. He makes videos about apologetics, which is basically a fancy way of saying why we believe what we believe. His knowledge of the Bible is very sound. If you are curious to know what Christians believe and why, his videos about the historicity of the Bible would be a great start.

Also, it is definitely nice and feels good to believe in God, yes, but I just want to point out that that's not what's important. What we feel isn't as important as what is true. For instance, it might be nice to believe that nothing in the world could ever hurt you, but of course that isn't true and would be naive and unwise to believe.

So my belief in Jesus as God doesn't come from feelings. It comes from the evidence. The feelings are an added bonus. And I think that's very important for anyone's beliefs. You shouldn't base any major beliefs on what you feel, regardless of whether or not it's true.

And actually, I feel there's somewhat of an argument against believing in God if you are focusing on feelings. Because believing in God and Jesus' sacrifice for your salvation requires you to change your life and make him Lord of your life. Which is a good thing, because it's what you were designed for and it usually feels good to know you are fulfilling a purpose. But there is also a huge aspect of Chrisianity that is focused on doing the right thing, even when it is extremely hard, and knowing your reward will come in the next life, not in this one.

Honestly, if feelings were my only concern, I'm not sure I would choose to follow Jesus. It would be stupid of me, because I would probably never know the true fullness of joy that I know now, but I also wouldn't have to care about not lusting, not having as much sex and gluttony as I want, or any number of worldly pleasures. Of course the richness of God's pleasures are much stronger and deeper, but they don't always feel that way when you're watching your friends do drugs or party or have sex while you are not.

Anyway, sorry, that was a tangent, but I think it's important to mention that my beliefs aren't centered on what feels good. They're centered on the importance of believing truth, even if it doesn't feel good and I don't like it.

You too! well, morning now lol

 

I so agree. Lol especially nowadays, the dating world seems insane to me. Occasionally I feel like I miss dating, but then every time I'm talking to people trying to navigate dating I'm like oh, right. That was not as fun as I remember it being. Lol and then my husband and I talk about how glad we are to never have to do that again. Well, assuming neither of us dies young and the other wants to remarry or something.

 

I think it depends more on the people involved than it does on wether marriage is objectively good or not. I guess a lot of people don't really understand what living most of the time very intimately with another person really is like or they rush into marrying a person they don't know well enough or they just aren't mature enough to handle such a close relationship. I think it's good that you can see the bad sides of marriage, so you at least won't end up doing that. Maybe one day you'll get to know someone who you'll love enough to see why people choose to marry despite the risks and potential issues.

 

I like what Jordan Peterson said about marriage.

 

Benefits? I thought marriage was supposed to signify your commitment and love to that person, and not something you can profit off, so to speak.

A lot of people say it ruins them, destroys relationships or a bunch of other excuses, but that's definitely not true, while still obviously important it's just a piece of paper. Those people were either already having problems in their relationship to begin with, or most likely were never truly committed in the first place.

I don't see how marriage itself makes you tired or stressed, if anything it should be bringing you closer to your partner.