is there hope?

hello everyone just joined a few days ago trying to heal my life from 19 years of porn addiction. The worst thing about all this is that I didn't notice what was affecting it, my attraction to women started to lower to a point where looking at them in normal life wouldn't do anything for me, thought it was something natural in life for a 34 yo man who had sex experiences in the past and that maybe got used to look at women in a different way than just sexual. But to be honest maybe I was just dumb enough to not notice what was going on because whenever I saw a pretty girl I couldn't help admiring her but without any sexual reaction which again I thought was normal. I have a wife I never had problems getting an erection but I think it was because I love her, honestly sex between us was never something as exciting as porn, used to masturbate daily watching it. Since I was 20yo can't remember having crushes on girls or anything like I used to, seems like I started looking at them as sexual objects and this I just noticed and I want it back but don't know if reebooting will help. Happens that I started having problems with my wife and I fell in extreme depression, during this I was so depressed that not even porn would turn me on and lost my erections, this led me to hocd and now things got even worse because in my anxiety to reassure myself went to watch gay porn and for my surprise I got strong groinal responses , good thing about this is that I didn't masturbate to it in doubt that maybe it's escalation because of porn addiction or groinal response due my ocd and in any case if I act on it it'll make everything worse. I love my wife and Im so depressed about all this and angry with myself for not stopping this before and letting it advance to this state, that I've had suicidal thoughts. I've committed to heal myself and its been three weeks since I started nofap but I don't know I don't notice any improvement at all I fear that those 19 years of addiction it may be impossible to revert to my old self, have to say that at least I've been able to have sex with my wife again but does that count as relapse taking in mind that my goal is not only been able to get erect but also noticing other women attractive again and stop looking at them as mere sexual objects? thanks everyone and sorry for my grammar English is not my main language

 

Thanks a lot will do that and looking forward to see results about this

 

today it has been a difficult one, after a month without masturbation or porn (was easy because it has been months since I stopped getting attraction to women even in porn) but today I started fantasizing about previous sex encounters with ex girlfriends (adding a little extra to what it really was) and got urges felt so attracted to those thoughts. haven't recovered attraction when looking at real women in person but it feels like it could come back soon though, so my question is, does this affect my recovery process? should I stop fantasizyng?