Is your PA in a 12 step group?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Lonely In a Crowd, Apr 2, 2019.

Is your porn or sex addicted SO involved in a 12-step group? If so, how involved?

  1. No.

    7 vote(s)
  2. Goes to meetings, but that's all.

    0 vote(s)
  3. Working the steps alone.

    0 vote(s)
  4. Has a sponsor, is working the steps, is connected to others.

    5 vote(s)
  5. Sponsors others.

    1 vote(s)
  1. I'm trying to get a picture of how many PA/SA are in 12 step groups and how that impacts both their recovery and their SO's healing.
    If your SO is in a 12 step group, how involved are they? What changes have you seen because of that? How does their involvement affect how you feel?
  2. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    Hello lonely in a crowd.. yes my PA is in a 12 step program. He has attended 8 meetings as of today’s date. He has found acceptance, understanding, love and compassion. He is shy nature, however he was sharing issues by the second meeting. He has a list of like minded support people he can count on and call. He has realized he’s not the only one in the world dealing with intense shame and guilt. He sees what other members have ,(peace, acceptance,serenity) and he wants that for himself. He is also seeing a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, which much to my surprise he’s eager to see and more than willing to work through the abuse issues that he sustained as a child.
    I myself am in the support 12 step program...which has been very beneficial as far setting boundaries, limits and rules. As I let go , he takes up more responsibility for himself.
    We have talked more in the last 6 days than in the last five years. He’s learning that in order to heal sometimes you have to sit in the pain, frustration and discomfort . He knows I’m serious in the boundaries I set and is doing everything he can. As he progresses my respect grows for him...and as that grows so does his self respect and self worth...I can only say that if it wasn’t for the SA program, I would have moved by now. I can’t change him, only he can do that and he’s currently embracing the program and theraphy. I highly recommend the SA program..he’s finally looking forward to each day.
  3. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Mine runs a group, has completed a few programs and workshops. (but that box isn't on the list) and sponsors others.
    He used to be sponsored, but completed that. Finding the right type of 12 steps is important.
    There are many kinds....

    Just to name a few.
    (He also did therapy and I personally think that it's important to the process, - there is a reason they are addicted in the first place, you know? That part isn't always so forthcoming)

    Good luck
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2019
  4. Kenzi likes this.
  5. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    As @Kenzi said there are many groups and finding the right fit is important. My husband went to an SA group in town a couple years ago but it really didn't feel right to him as they were mainly sex addicts and not porn addicts and my husband had stayed very vanilla in his PMO times.

    My husband is in an IA group and through that I've seen him start to share emotions and go to others for emotional support which is so healthy!

    When I went to AA a couple years ago I remember really loving the support and how nice everyone was. Just listening to other's stories was very helpful and eye opening. It can really scare the hell out of you and make you work recovery harder when you hear the horror stories.
  6. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    Queen of hearts you correct. Some of the stories of what people have gone through in AA,SA, NA, Alanon, ACOA, etc... are mind blowing. The human spirit never fails to amaze me.
    The people who actively work these 12 twelve step programs are to be highly commended. It’s been my experience that these people are deeply feeling, highly sensitive, kind, loving and creative.
    That said, finding the right fit is of the utmost importance.
  7. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    My husband is currently in SA with a sponsor. He is thinking of trying out a local Celebrate Recovery group to see if he likes that as well. He also sees a CSAT. It has been very good for him and has helped him to look much deeper than the surface and to really examine himself and why things have ended up the way they have. They have also provided and great buffer for me. If there is something that needs further light shed on, or we have a difference of opinion, or something delicate needs to be addressed, I can defer to his therapist or sponsor and suggest that he speak to one or both of them about the issue instead. It takes all of the pressure and anxiety off of me and he tends to be more willing to hear things from a professional anyway. It is very helpful.
  8. IamGold

    IamGold Fapstronaut

    My husband has been going to SAA group for two years but there was no noticeable difference in him until he got a sponsor about six months ago. Before that, he was still relapsing regularly and not really doing the steps like they are supposed to be done. I think that my husband really needed a good male figure in his life since he's never truly had that before.
  9. Butterfly1988

    Butterfly1988 Fapstronaut

    My PA goes to SAA every other week or so. We both love it and he comes back with some great reflections!
    Lonely In a Crowd likes this.
  10. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

    What means PA and SO?
  11. lostintx

    lostintx Fapstronaut

    My SO (significant other) has a sponsor, goes to meetings and is looking at working on his first step. He's currently not in our home, so he's been going to 1-2 meetings a day. His sponsor has asked him to do 90 meetings in 90 days, so that's part of what he is working on now. He's been meeting other people and finding good sources of support at these meetings. I think that since starting to go to these meetings, he's learning a lot about himself and some of the unhealthy behaviors he engages in that he was not even aware of. It has paved the way for a lot of communication between him and I where before I felt like we rarely had meaningful conversations.
    Lonely In a Crowd likes this.

Share This Page