It fights back with a vengeance

So It has been a couple of months that I have beer trying to get my PA under control. Dec and Jan were very good months and Feb was doing ok but... the last 48 hr I lost it.... I relapsed over and over, with zero control over my actions. It was like a dragon was fighting for his life. Scary!... I fell it is now over but it made me realize that when the brain wants its dopamine.... it has an atomic power. Hopefully this will be the last relapse for a while. I would like to say forever but I am realistic that it will take time and hard work to wean off. I have been at it for decades so I realistic that I need to keep it under control and eventually stop it.