It's not just Porn, it's Internet...

I finally figured it out. It only took me 3 months and over 20 relapses in that course in time to do so, but I finally figured it out...

Looking back at all those times I relapsed, it was because I was on the computer. It was because I was browsing, bored out of my mind. It led to getting curious, which then led to getting excited and rebellious, which then led to 'promising myself just one peek' at P subs, which then led to getting ridiculously horny, which then eventually led to MO and instant regret. For 3 months of doing NoFap it was that exact same cycle. I want to break that cycle now. I want to reboot for real. I want to beat my pathetic 21 day streak and finally pick myself back up and whatnot. And to do that I figured I need to beat the devil from the root. Spending any time on the internet at all.

I realized just how strong its hold is on me when I tried to limit myself to 2 hours everyday for a while. As soon as I got rebellious and unblocked Youtube on Day 2, I was back to my old habits almost immediately and couldn't stop myself from binge watching random shit for 5 hours straight...I got back to the lethargic lifestyle and it once again led to looking at P and masturbating to said P. I feel really down now.

I feel that I REALLY need to cut off any internet time whatsoever, which means I have to hide this chromebook of mine or have someone confiscate it or something. The porn blocker doesn't work because my horny self knows the password and can easily deactivate it. I need to remove internet ITSELF so that there is ABSOLUTELY no chance at all that I can fap to porn, because porn is only ever on the internet and whatnot. Taking it away can force me to focus on my reality for once. It can force me to live my life for real and experience and feel its hardships. I want that.

I WANT to be me again. I WANT to be the person I was before internet. I WANT TO STOP MY ADDICTION FUCK

Sorry if it was poorly worded. I'm pretty pumped right now and can't be asked to make every sentence coherent or transition perfectly to the next haha. Anyway, I'll be seeing you guys again in 90 days or so. God help me if I ever decide to check back into the internet before then...I will seriously punch myself if i do...