its worse than i've thought

Well I'm actually in my late 40's but in my experience with this addiction, self-loathing is extremely common with addicts, whether the addiction is lust or something else. Lust is absolutely a problem for addicts, but it's rarely THE problem. It's almost always a result of the problem, which often times is some traumatic event or events, usually from childhood. We know that this addiction is unhealthy amd progressively destructive, but we feel hopeless, helpless, and out of control. That's exactly why there are so many resources devoted to helping addicts, because it's so hard to quit. That's why the very first step of any 12 step program is admitting that we're powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable.

I STRONGLY suggest finding a local SA group and getting involved. There are people out there struggling with lust that have experience in fighting it and would LOVE to help you out with fighting it too!! But you have to go get that help. It's never going to come find you. Sa.org/f2f will give you information on SA groups all over the world.

Feel free to PM me anytime about this and good luck!

 

I second this. SA changed my life and my recovery

All hope is not lost

I am 160 days today in a row free from compulsive sexual thoughts and from PMO

Without God I am power less.

 

40 years ago I frequently spied on women. 6 of them noticed me and were frightened. I caused trauma to them. I am still ashamed of this. I wish I could meet them and apologize but I don't know them. I only saw them once. I can never redress what I have done. 30 years ago I began to tell this to my psychiatrist but he laughed and said it was a bagatelle.

 

you need to work with a talk therapist who specialises in addiction. Also do read the book "Dopamine Nation" by Dr Anna Lembke

 

It's very difficult to me to live with my past. I harassed women in the 80s. I inflicted a trauma on them what they can't cope. They had to carry of the burden of this harm for decades. Maybe it had an impact on their sexual life. And it was me who did this. I am not better than Kevin Spacey and others.

 

So this is something that hits a nerve with me that your psychiatrist said is no big deal. Step 9 in the 12 step program is making amends, and it is a HUGE deal!! When someone is making amends but cannot contact or locate someone to do so, we're told to do the next best thing. So if I as an addict hit.my dog, and the dog has since died, I would do something like volunteer at an animal shelter.

 

Do you mean I should do something that is beneficial to women, e.g. support feminist organizations?

 

There's this organisation called Treasures that supports women in the sex industry and helps those get out who want to leave it. They have this thing called 'Restitution Fund'. Basically, the idea is all the money someone has spent on the sex industry they give to them. You can read about it here.

 

Thank you very much for your suggestion.

 

NoFap is a supplemental part in my recovery toolkit. As others have mentioned, attending and actively participating in a 12 step fellowship is life changing. We can post as much as we want on these boards, but it's truly about taking action towards a better way of life.

A huge part of working a 12 step program is helping others. I am 100% positive you will be greeted with open arms by countless members willing to walk you through the steps. However, your willingness and desire is paramount.

Wishing you the absolute best!

 

How are you doing now, @SDJR ?