July 5th, 2019

Today is 5 days.

I am feeling better and have more self respect today. I am also mindful not to get too confident with myself. I've been here before many, many times. As soon as i let my guard down i will be attacked.

I have allowed myself to wear essential oil today. I am still not looking at girls even though there is someone sitting directly across from that i find attractive. I looked for 1 second to see who it was. 2 seconds is giving in to temptation, 3 seconds i consider sinful.

I'm pretending to ignore her for now. I refuse to get up even though i'm really nervous. I may make eye contact later.
Maybe.