Keep Going back to HIM

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. I am struggling so hard at work... there is this 27 year old guy I have had an affair with for 2 weeks now and I keep going back... I don't know why... Am I crazy... Is there something wrong with me... I'm not sure of myself anymore...
  2. marr708

    marr708 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    You're probably not crazy. However, some more info might be necessary, for the forum members, to assess your situation. No problems are unsolvable.
    Tannhauser likes this.
  3. well I guess like I felt like there was something more to it... like love... he even says that...
    I just wish I could decode his intentions... like I have seen him with other girls.. And because of him interacting with me
    more sexually than anything else... I keep on... well you know... MO... I honestly don't know what to do..
    +TenPercent likes this.
  4. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Seen him with other girls? That's ok if you're willing to share him with someone else. Don't forget if you have sex, he could be bringing you STDs.

    IMHO - If he loved you he would be more interested in you and wouldn't be looking at other girls. He's playing the field.
  5. well thanks I really needed that..
  6. When you get involved with someone, your ability to rationally think is impaired. Your body changes chemistry and your decision making becomes difficult to control.
    It is a chemical change in the brain and its the sensation people experience most vividly when they fall in love. They become irrational and for the most part obsessed. However there are gradations to this sensation.
    For this reason any opportunity for infidelity has to be stopped as soon as possible, the longer it goes on the less control the individual has to stop it.

    I will not judge your morality, that is something you have to decide on. Being faithful is not a two way street, you are ether faithful or you are not. If the other party is not faithful, you should address that problem but it has nothing to do with you being faithful.
    Being faithful is something you do for the security of your relationship not something you do for the other person.

    I suggest you face the reality of what is happening, without adding any other flavoring.
    Do you approve of what you are doing?
    Do you judge yourself?
    Looking only at your behavior do you dislike it?

    Your behavior is your alone, if your partner does things you do not like - address those issues.
    This is difficult situation to be in, but you should decide what is important to you, we have too little information to go on.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. So it's all in my head and the chemistry changes I experience?
  8. mxmn

    mxmn Fapstronaut

    If you start dating someone there is no reason to expect them to be exclusive with you, unless you bring up that topic and talk about. Many people in the dating game see different partners. You say "keep going back" - back to what? Did you break up? Did you tell yourself not to see him anymore?
    I agree with #2, more info is needed.
  9. I told myself I wouldn't talk to him... And we never had sex we just played with each other Ig.. I just feel like he keeps using me for sexual purposes and not trying to love me the way a good bf would.. I keep falling into the lie that he still caress about me or will treat me different.. but also at the same time I am addicted to the feeling of sexual satisfaction he gives me.. It's almost as if he knows this too.. like he is always constantly wanting more of the sexual side of things than the personal trying to get to know each other type of deal.. idk is this enough info
  10. Intimacy with another person facilitates bonding and emotional attachment. Sex facilitates even deeper bonding and orgasm really bonds people to one another.
    Sense of bond we feel for someone is produced by release of specific hormones. Deep intimate experiences like sex release allot of them especially during orgasm.
    Females in general are much more susceptible to bonding to their sexual partners. And so the more you have sex with another person - the more bonded you become.
    Bond is sense of care and affection you feel for another person.
    Bonds created by long term sex are very hard to break, they also affect judgement and always lead to problems.

    You must understand that your rational decision making is impaired, you admitted that much in your original post. Now you have an ongoing relationship with another person and you will get attached more and more.
    If that is what you want, then no problem. If that is something you do not want you have to figure out what you will do next.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Lots and lots of people (if not almost everybody) gets caught up in this kind of chemistry at some point.
    We all deserve to be treated with respect and to enjoy a faithful monogamous relationship if that is what we want.
    To me it sounds like he is playing off of your insecurities and probably manipulates lots of women by playing them against each other. It is very selfish of him and dishonest. Definitely not someone that you want to be in a relationship with . . . he is probably incapable of giving you the respect and love that you deserve.

    He is also probably not going to end this, at least not until he's done using you. You are only going to get hurt by interacting with this guy and you will end up in a painful and difficult working situation as well. I would suggest breaking it off immediately and doing everything you can to not interact with him, not think about him and no MO to him. The best way to do that is to try to focus on someone else - not another man, but a person that you can help. Maybe see if there is someone at work who needs a friend.

    If this persists, and you can't seem to break the pattern, then I would suggest reading Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody and/or looking into SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous).
  12. Thank you to all who helped on this subject. I ended the relationship with the guy I was dating and am now MO free since last friday ^-^ I really appreciate everyone who gave me advice on what to do.
    +TenPercent likes this.
  13. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Good for you on both counts! I hope all works out well. When you meet the right guy, he'll treat you very well and not like a sexual object. And you'll be PMO free so you'll have an open mind and heart.

    +TenPercent likes this.

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