Lack of intimacy

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by recoverychap, Jun 26, 2021.

  1. recoverychap

    recoverychap Fapstronaut

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    I have been in a long term relationship with my husband for almost 20 years. There is a big age difference and things don't work the way they used too.
    I miss being fully intimate and no longer am I satisfied in the way that I used to be. It took me many years to come to terms with my sexuality and what feels like own briefly had a chance to explore it in a safe and loving caring way. But there has always been a problem with porn in my family and also addictive behavior. So I understand what I am looking for when watching porn (in the past - I am 6 months porn free, but still struggling) that what I seek is the intimacy what I had once with my partner and don't and won't find that with a stranger. Well I ever get beyond the want if my needs are not being met. The love is very much still there and I accept what we have is a beautiful thing and that porn is only an illlusion of that intimacy. My question is - what is on the other side of abstinance for an ex catholic. Why am I doing this other than knowing that after the release and anticipation and chemicals produced in the brain are done after the wanking experience. If I'm not looking for salvation in a dogmatic deity based religious set of beliefs then why am I doing this - other than knowing there is nothing at the end of the porn and also nothing in the abstinance other than constant frustration and emptiness.
     
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  2. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    I've asked similar questions even though my situation is different. Abstaining has no finish line or purpose, because I have no other sexual release than PMO.

    It seems like your predicament is surely not unique. I assume you are a gay man married to an older gay man, but the same thing happens to heterosexual marriage too. It is probably more common in heterosexual marriages, because men decline from age 25 and women decline from age 40+ as I recall. So that's about a 20 years difference in libido even when the ages of the heterosexual couple do not differ.

    It's important to have intimacy in your marriage - and it is more than simply getting some sexual release. The intimacy has been found to keep marriages healthy and prevent divorce.

    You can have intimacy in other ways like hugging. It doesn't need to be sex if your husband is no longer as interested in sex. Snuggling up on the couch is probably just as good for intimacy.

    So that's my advice from a heterosexual person in his 50s who has never been in a relationship, Take it with a grain of salt I guess LOL
     
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  3. recoverychap

    recoverychap Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your time - yes I am a gay man in an intergenerational relationship. We do cuddle and have some intimacy and we won't be divorcing and the relationship continues to evolve. Maybe I just have to accept it for what it is - although this still leaves me unsatisfied, not with him as a person or our love for one another, just that full trust of another person whom you love, I have been grieving for this loss for a few years now and don't know another way other than just accepting it and the pain that comes with it.
     
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