Hmmm, I relapsed, but I don't feel much shame...it all started with Iggy Azalea Instagram I'll start again, and make it
Day 55- I have spent less time on this website in the past 3 days and I feel like I don't identify with my addictive personality so much. As a Christian, I have also had time to contemplate my relationship with God and one word comes to mind: surrender. I must surrender to God or I will surrender to others expectations of me or my lusts. I have been stubbornly using will power and my counter which is creating an anxious living cycle and the constant dread of a relapse. One Bible verse (2 Timothy 2:22) talks about running from youthful lusts and running towards developing better character with the help of God. So here I believe lies the course of victory. I need to stop identifying with my addictive personality or I will remain stuck forever but run away from it in a figurative sense and then run after developing better character that allows me to be the best version of myself. So instead of focusing on how many days I have run away from PMO, how about I focus attention fully on the character that I want to develop? How about I focus on the values that will serve me and others better? How about I focus on God or a higher power than self? How about I focus on my purpose in life? This does not mean perfection. It simply means changing my focus to healthy living not living in anxiety waiting for the next relapse and identifying with past. I will continue to endeavor to spent less time on Nofap and more time on the pursuit of healthy living with God in view.
Thanks, and yours too. I've noticed that even on the longer streaks there are still waves of urges to navigate. They may come less frequently but they do come and have to be tackled and navigated. Looks like this will always be the case however long we abstain. I went a couple of months easily cruising without even a single sexual thought and then the past few days from nowhere, urges appear!..