Long time addict just didn't know it

Right there with ya - also in my 30s but got internet access as a teen. Can't believe this isn't taken more seriously in society. Anyway, remember you are doing this for your family but also yourself. Best of luck to you and I hope to continue seeing you around.

 

Hey bro,
Stick with it. The pain of discipline is easier than the pain of regret. We are all here to support you. When you get tempted log on and we are here for your support. You are stronger than your addiction. Tell yourself that. Just looking for help is a huge first step and that is the manliest thing you could do, admitting you have a problem.
Much love

 

Hi Arpy. I am 6 months PMO free, porn free, and MO free. Like you I found the abuse to be a thrill, like a roller coaster or fast car. The escalation factor is common in what might be called the end stage of the addiction. For a lot of men they up the thrill by experiencing more and more bizarre porn, porn that is a million miles away from their actual sexual tastes. That is when many stop. That escalation factor by the way is called the Coolidge effect. There is a scientific reason for it.

I am porn free and am never going back. I don't struggle with it anymore, but in the beginning did. That thought, "I am never watching porn again", was a difficult thought to have, it was difficult to post here in this forum, because even though anonymous, there are so many guys who have trouble getting past 2-3 days, it sounds like a boast. I know a lot of guys think "how can anyone say never again"? But there is also a freedom in knowing I will never be a slave to pornography again.

I have used this forum as a tool to fight the problem and I have posted here many times. It has helped me stay clean. If you would like to understand my story and my approach to getting clean, I have a thread I would invite you to read. At this point, it is fairly lengthy, but I think that if I were a newbie really trying to get clean, then it might help. It is not my insights alone, but the insights of many other guys who are quitting porn. Here it is.

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2402-Get-educated-get-tools-and-learn-to-love-withdrawals

I would love to see any insights you might have there.

I'll say one word of encouragement: The fact you acknowledge you are an addict puts you way ahead of the curve in beating porn. Guys cannot really begin to heal until they realize they have an illness. There is a method to quitting that worked for me. I say get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals. At some point in your journey--and this is true for every porn addict that quits--you will have to love the pain of withdrawals over the dopamine release that porn gives you. That is very difficult to do, but once you do it, once you weather the porn withdrawals, you will find they become controllable.

Good luck in your journey.

 

Hey. I just joined today.... Early 30's, and posted above you in the Newbs thread.

Same issues, but no wife or kids.... I'm here because I'm finding this destroys my relationships... Once I start getting close to a person, the dragon comes out and ruins everything.

Good luck. Hopefully we can all beat this... (no pun intended......)

 

AndrewV6: A short but a very inspiring and comforting post to stumble across, thankyou

 

Hi Arpy,you are making great progress, don't get down, it does get better. I started my mission to quit because I could not O with my wife. I could have sex with her for hours, and it was good, but I could not O. While the sex was, for her, physically, satisfying, it was not emotionally satisfying because I could not share that moment of intimacy with her. Her self confidence began to slide because I could not O with her, but only with porn. That is when I decided to change my life.

Now, when I have sex, I O with my wife every time. This, for her, is far more important than the sex we had before, which, as I say, was totally physically satisfying for her, but lacked the emotional connection that Oing with her meant. It is here I have to say that men and women really do feel differently about sex. On certain levels, it is still just a physical act for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife dearly, but sex was never an emotional event for me as much as it is for her. I think that's just a man/woman thing.

Give it some time, as in weeks or a month, and you should be able to stay in the game longer. Be advised that sex before porn addiction and after porn addiction is not the same. The time you spent addicted does change you. The "after" porn addiction sex is still good, and can be great, but it is not quite as...fervent for the recovered addict as it was before he ever encountered porn. That said, I think my wife enjoys it more now, after. Now I not only physically satisfy her, I emotionally satisfy her as well. So there is that.

I don't usually give sex advice, I usually only talk about quitting porn addiction, but...I have posted about how to beat premature ejaculation. If you want to you can search this forum for "making spaghetti", as in the making spaghetti method. It should be taken with a pinch of humor. It will give you an idea how to put something in your head to make you go all night. That said, be careful with that. At this point in your recovery, you really ought to be focusing on pushing your dopamine button with sex, so I encourage you to O every time, even it at first it means you are doing it more quickly than you think is appropriate.

Yes, more information than you ever wanted to know.

Peace.

 

I had the same problem as William. I could last for hours at a time without O. This was during my porn period. Now that I quit it, I get aroused much more easily and reach O much much faster. At some point it took me less than 3 minutes to orgasm. But now I am getting used to the new level of excitement and last longer, although not as long as during my porn period.

Trust me, it will take some time to get used to this state, but take it as a positive sign that you are healing. With time and patience your sex life will become better.

 

It's a good streak. Keep going. Porn is not an option. That has to be a motto for you, porn is not an option. Keep going. Make it a solid 30, and you might hit the tipping point, being the place where you want NOT to look at porn more than you want to. After that it gets a lot easier.

Peace.

 

Atta boy.

I had a relapse on Sunday. I was exhausted, sore, tired, and most importantly, bored.... And late Sunday, early Monday I fell off.... But I'm back on again. I made it just under a week before. I can do it again. I know I can. I just have to go one day at a time, focus on the end results, and remember that it's worth it.

Question, Does your wife know you are doing this? Perhaps sharing this with her could help.

My girlfriend knows I'm walking this road, and has been very supportive of me.

Either way, best of luck, we're all in this together buddy!