Long time coming

Hi @Chris78! Welcome here. Thanks for sharing your experience. We all have pasts that we are ashamed of, and I'm sure that writing all of that was a bit harrowing on your end. But it's important to get it all out and just move on with life. Telling your wife is probably the most effective thing you could have done in your fight against porn. Its really hard to tell people, but doing so helps you no longer keep it a secret. Addictions thrive on secrecy. So by bringing it out in the open and allowing people to help you, you are in essence smothering the addiction. It may take some time to fully overcome it, but you took a very important step yesterday by telling your wife. And it sounds like she is supportive, which is great.

Your life will become much better as you leave porn behind - I know because I left it behind about 14.5 years ago and my life has been night and day different. The depression left, the hopelessness left, the powerlessness left. You will see just how many areas of your life porn has impacted once you leave it behind. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how much better life is without it. I might add that for some people, leaving masturbation behind is also important because it can lead to escalation back into porn. I am here on Nofap to stop masturbating so that I never go back to Porn. It has been difficult to give up but I am making progress.

This is a great community of people who are very supportive. I would recommend staying active here and reading about other people's journeys and their recoveries. It is inspiring to see and it will also give you good advice and ideas for your own recovery.

Take care and please let me know if I can be of any assistance.

JR

 

Nice job fighting those urges. They can be tough to resist but, as you can see, they don't last for ever. They go away eventually if you ignore them long enough. And you SHOULD be proud of yourself - its hard work, especially when the thoughts and urges seem relentless. It will take time to rewire your brain by not giving in anymore. While you may never want to do it again, the reality is, you may end up slipping every once in a while as you navigate your way out of the addiction. Do not be discouraged if this happens as this is NORMAL. You will need to discover all of the reasons behind your addiction before you will be able to leave it behind for good.

In your initial post, you mentioned that you used the addiction as an escape from the negative influence of your first wife. So it sounds like it is a stress relief mechanism for you. What are other ways you can relieve stress in a healthier way? One thing I'm currently doing is getting up at 4:00 AM to exercise for an hour every day. Why would I do something so insane? Its because I am doing something for myself, I am investing in my wellbeing by sacrificing the comfort of my bed. And I feel great afterward because I started off the day doing something productive, and there is plenty of dopamine and other positive chemicals, along with circulating my blood - all of which helps me feel energetic and ready to take on the day. And I am losing weight and sleeping a lot better as well! You might consider finding something you can do to relieve stress in a healthier way as well.

Oh yes, our brains crave those chemicals - especially for the first couple of weeks. Try to stay busy, be with other people as much as possible, talk to your wife and let her know what's going on - go do something together, get out of the house. Sometimes journaling helps as well - writing out your thoughts and feelings really helps you discover a lot about yourself and helps you plan for future success. I would highly recommend creating a journal here on NoFap in the 25-29 Logs section. You will find other people your age battling the same issues you face, you can make new friends and support each other along the way. Its really great! Let me know if you have any questions - I can help you set something up if you would like assistance. Here is the logs section for your age group (just create a new thread and start posting on that thread - it will become your "journal"):

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?forums/ages-25-29.19/

Yes, just take it a day at a time and eventually you will be hitting all of those milestones and many more!

Thanks @Chris78! No worries about just starting out - any support you can offer here on NoFap is much appreciated. Check-in often - recovery is all about staying mindful. And this community will help you do just that. Take care.