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Looks Like I'm Stuck Doing This Alone

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by writer239, Apr 15, 2015.

  1. Apr 15, 2015 #1
    writer239

    writer239 Fapstronaut

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    So, my AP just dumped me. From the beginning we had clicked and the beginnings of a friendship had started between us. But for every step I took for getting to know him, I would be knocked three steps back afterwards. I would stop asking about stuff beyond nofap, but he'd bring up stuff in his personal life and talk to me about it. He considered me his friend, but he didn't treat me like one.

    And today shit hit the fan. We had an argument, he opened up to me and shared something really personal with me. Then he wanted nothing to do with me. So, now I'm alone. I don't want another AP. Hell, at this point I don't even know if I want to keep going with nofap. It's just been a shitty experience since the very beginning anyway, and I don't even know if I can do it by myself now. I trusted him. When I would relapse we would both reset and vice versa. I was honest with him.

    I'm angry. I've put so much time and energy into this only to have it blow up in my face since he had trust issues. Fuck him. Fuck him, fuck this, and I don't know what I'm gonna do next but fuck it too.
     
    writer239, Apr 15, 2015
    writer239, Apr 15, 2015
    #1
  2. Apr 15, 2015 #2
    Schia

    Schia Fapstronaut

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    As good as having an AP can be, you can do this without one. I won't pass judgement on yours as I don't know their side of the story, so it would be unfair to do so. What I would say is that, by posting a journal and advising and encouraging others in their own journals, I would end up with a range of support from others on the forum. And, because I didn't have an AP, I have essentially done this for myself. Which feels great, especially as there are other aspects of life where I struggle to do that.

    That's not to say that method would work for everyone. Having an AP can prove very helpful, especially in those first few weeks. But on NoFap, you're never alone. There are too many of us here to let that happen!
     
    Schia, Apr 15, 2015
    Schia, Apr 15, 2015
    #2
    M L likes this.
  3. Apr 15, 2015 #3
    trying_my_best

    trying_my_best Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, sorry to hear you are feeling let down and angry. But you can move on. Try not to take it personally. We are all here because we know that we have certain addictions, and that these are having bad effects on our lives and the way our minds work, including sometimes the way we relate to other people. Sounds like perhaps your AP didn't treat you with total respect (although I don't know the details of course) but we all slip up in life sometimes in various ways. Don't let this knock you off your own path. You are here for you after all, not him. A great shame a developing friendship seems to have ended in an argument, but there is plenty of support to be found here, and AP's are not the only path if you want to give that a miss for a while.
     
    trying_my_best, Apr 15, 2015
    trying_my_best, Apr 15, 2015
    #3
  4. Apr 15, 2015 #4
    writer239

    writer239 Fapstronaut

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    You guys are right. Instead of trying to find an AP, I'll just start a journal, post, and move past this. I don't need him in order to be able to do this. If I can't do it for myself by myself, then I can't do it at all. Thanks for the support, and I'm ready to kick this thing and move on with my life.
     
    writer239, Apr 15, 2015
    writer239, Apr 15, 2015
    #4
    Don Gately, ekoluomu and NoMo_Po like this.
  5. Apr 15, 2015 #5
    Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    Always remember that you aren't doing this alone. We can and will always be there for you. I recently had my ap pretty much quit on me too, but I had been doing it alone for awhile so I know how you feel.

    This forum will help you and keep you grounded as much as you will let it. Making a journal is a wonderful idea. I wish you the best of luck with your nofap journey and I would be happy to help in any way in the future
     
    Knight Solaire, Apr 15, 2015
    Knight Solaire, Apr 15, 2015
    #5
    NoMo_Po and writer239 like this.
  6. Apr 16, 2015 #6
    writer239

    writer239 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Sun Bro, I'll definitely keep that in mind when things start getting difficult. Congrats on 40 days...that's just mind boggling to me right now.
     
    writer239, Apr 16, 2015
    writer239, Apr 16, 2015
    #6
  7. Apr 16, 2015 #7
    JensDK42

    JensDK42 Guest

    Don't reset when your AP falls. Help him, but don't deny your own progress.
     
    JensDK42, Apr 16, 2015
    JensDK42, Apr 16, 2015
    #7
  8. Apr 16, 2015 #8
    writer239

    writer239 Fapstronaut

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    Well, he's not my AP anymore, so I won't lol. I only reset my progress with him because he had a real problem keeping it together, and resetting my progress for him made him feel guilty and he started doing better. He was seriously going to quit a few times, and was telling me to find new AP's and everything. Now I wish I would have.

    But at the time I wasn't going to let him give up, so I reset as a gesture to show him that we were in it together. Stupid, I know, but it worked. When he would get urges, he told me he'd think about what I did and how he didn't want to disappoint me and it made him stop and he was doing some good streaks up until everything that happened today. I hope he does well in his journey, but I'm done giving up progress for others.
     
    writer239, Apr 16, 2015
    writer239, Apr 16, 2015
    #8
    Schia and JensDK42 like this.
  9. Apr 16, 2015 #9
    Don Gately

    Don Gately Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man, do it! It's great to have mentors and partners to work with, but if it doesn't work out, you can still experience a lot of success without having one person that you lean on really hard. Your actions still belong to you, and his belong to him. I've gotten great feedback and commentary from people on here, and I'm sure there will be people who can help you too. Keep on keepin' on!
     
    Don Gately, Apr 16, 2015
    Don Gately, Apr 16, 2015
    #9

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