Loosing hope

Hey Ronald, just know that you're not alone. There are loads and loads of people in this forum that are trying to improve themselves in some way. I know how you're feeling, like all of this excitement is a fake dopaminergic stimuli and once you get sad again, that's your normal state. But the thing is that it really is your normal state at this point. Because porn and not only porn, but social media and etc are increasing our dopamine levels on a daily basis, when we get these things out of our lives, we experience a downfall of dopamine. After some time without these things in our lives, our receptors are slowly being accostumated with the normal lower dopamine levels, and that's when we get to enjoy the little things in life again, that's when the lower levels are the new "normal levels" of dopamine. I recommend you watching this Jordan Peterson's video. It's not really about dopamine, but it can make you understand how that process of feeling depressed happens.

Also, there's something that I think can help you: Stoicism. This philosophy is based on "focus on what you're in control of, the rest is the rest". You said you "highly doubt you will ever be able to make it". Just take little steps. Know that success isn't a straight forward path, but rather a very crooked one, with many fails. You're not out of the success path because you failed some time or because you didn't faultlessly start your journey, you already are inside of it. Just focus on doing one thing at a time. If you want to talk more about it, feel free! I'll gladly contribute with something!

 

Many of us can relate to the feelings of hopelessness you expressed...personally, that's why I am here. This addiction beats me down bad, very bad, to the point of complete and utter defeat...and I become hopeless...but I keep coming here and reading about others succeeding AND struggling. It keeps me focused on my mission...to stay sober. Unfortunately, when the hopeless depression creeps in I struggle to turn things around...but eventually I find my way back...back with more strength and experience. We are here for you and need you in this community.

 

Listen man, there is one thing that I think about when it comes to rebooting:

if I don't use PMO today, it doesn't get used. Period!

So I want you to keep your mind just on getting through each day.

During the reboot, something in your thinking is going to change.

 

Man! You are 19! This is such a good time for you to be working on your sobriety. I am so heartened by hearing about anyone at your age who is working on getting better. There is is an escape. Keep at it and learn to love yourself despite your weaknesses and you will find your way. Freaking love you for this.

 

Look man, if you want the big secret, here it is:

take suggestions.