Lost Self Respect... Feels like I am a worthless being...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by last_hope, Apr 22, 2016.

  1. last_hope

    last_hope Fapstronaut

    I am 21. I don't have anymore energy to battle PMO addiction. I lost it. There's nothing I didn't read in favor of nofap. I watched all TED videos about how porn affects your brain. I watched videos on success stories and how one feels after abstaining and getting rid of this habit. For a moment I feel motivated and inspired but in the very next moment those 'scenes' start forming in my head and I get trapped again and relapse.

    I never interacted with any girls. I never ever had a girlfriend. But I was very good at academics. But lately, I am starting to loose interest in studies. I feel very lazy and getting thinner day by day. I just want an internet connection and a laptop/phone. I am getting less sleep as I can't sleep without fapping twice. Lately, I have been masturbating 5-6 times a day. I can't remember stuff. My thoughts are cloudy. I have no interest in my hobbies. I just like to lie on the bed and browsing the scenes and downloading, relapsing, deleting the downloaded content, promising myself will never do it again, again after a couple of hours, browsing, downloading and the cycle goes on. Even while writing this, I am getting an urge to fap.

    I am tired of promising myself. I lost my dignity. I am a failure. Fighting this habit since 4 years but still no success. I think I will soon be destroyed because of all this sins I am practicing.
  2. Ack Ack Ack

    Ack Ack Ack Fapstronaut

    First off, stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you have took the time to make a post about how you "lost" to porn addiction then you clearly still want to change.
    So your 21 so what? Some people are 30, 40 trying to quit ur still young dude. Everyone here on NoFap knows how hard porn addiction is but at the end of the day we can't tie ur hands up and staple ur eyelids shut and be the thought police for you. That's your job, only you can change yourself and it's not ganna be easy, in fact it's probably going to be the hardest thing you do.

    If you really wanna quit then take one year out of ur life. For one year, nothing else except rebooting matters. Not ur school work, not hanging out with friends, nothing. That's what I have been doing for the past 4 months and my life has improved greatly.

    So then fully reboot and you'll have the confidence to talk with them. Come on dude don't u wanna fuck real women instead of ur hand?
    Classic PMO symptoms. Yet you still continue to watch porn.

    I'll tell you what.
    Step 1: Print out a calendar, each day record how ur day was. For one year.
    Step 2: Quit porn first, then masturbation later.
    Step 3: Masturbate when u get to horny
    Step 4: Quit masturbation
    Step 5: Wait a little while
    Step 6: Have a better life

    You know what to do, you know porn is bad, now get up on ur feet and quit.
    zerozero, Eagle15, Shady1 and 2 others like this.
  3. Awakening123

    Awakening123 Fapstronaut

    You have to take responsibility to recover. It's not gonna happen overnight or happen on its own. You will have to put in 120% effort everyday. Here's what helped me so far (btw I was as addicted as you are now and my story is similar to yours):

    Step 1: Download K9 blocker; block any potential trigger sites that are not already blocked like fb, instagram etc. Make a long random password and give to someone else or you can use whensend.com to have the password send back to you in future.

    Step 2: Write a journal everyday. I did it twice: once in the morning and then again before bed. Write your plans down for the day and follow those goals for the day without any exceptions.

    Step 3: Download motivation mp3 from youtube. There are tons on youtube and listen to them whenever you get urges to relapse.

    Step 4: Meditate everyday, workout everyday, go out for a walk/run everyday if possible etc. Keep yourself as busy as possible everyday. Have a plan about how you gonna spend your weekend.

    Step 5: Have a plan about what to do when the worst of the worst withdrawals and urges hit. I promised myself and also wrote it down that I would go to this secluded lake 30 min from my home whenever the worst hits. I take a walk around it once or twice and all unending and uncontrollable urges simply disappears.

    Step 6: Print out motivational quotes online. They can be handy when your mind starts thinking about relapsing.

    Step 7: I used an online program at innergold.com. They helped me understand the nature of this addiction and how to deal with it. They can help if you are willing to pay (some of their audio podcasts are free if you wanna hear them)

    These are the steps I followed and they helped me to get to where I am today. I have been trying for 6 years and this is my longest streak in 6 years. You can do it if you want to do it.

    Good luck!
  4. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    In addition to what the others have correctly suggested, I think there is something else you can do for your NoFap journey:

    Here is the thing: you know a lot about what is important to other people and why they did stop watching porn, but do you know why YOU want to quit porn? I agree its very important to read and know all you can about the disease, but when motivation suddenly drops you have to ask yourself what are your goals in life that make this (or any kind) of suffering necessary and tolerable. What are the reasons that matter to you when you are feeling the cravings.
    Shady1 likes this.
  5. Eagle15

    Eagle15 Fapstronaut

    The above is great , also take up a hobby. I got a synthesizer and play every night, GET K9 at least if you relapse it won't be to porn. If you do get your peace , which comes from Gods grace, back right away. No beating yourself up . You've got this . I'm 52 and I wish I had quit when I was 21.
    Shady1 likes this.
  6. roadtorecovery

    roadtorecovery Fapstronaut

    If you want to change, you can only do that. While NoFap is great to express your emotions and feelings, people on here CANNOT and WILL NOT change your addiction. Quitting an addiction starts with you! If you want to stop, you must find the strength within you to quit for yourself, no one else!
    Shady1 and Ack Ack Ack like this.
  7. last_hope

    last_hope Fapstronaut

    I lost my father when I was 6. And this what you wrote is really what I want now. I have no one share my feelings with. My loneliness is the reason for my degradation. I love you people. I will FIGHT BACK. I will STAND against all odds. SPARTAN MODE BEGINS.
  8. jamesrobert

    jamesrobert Fapstronaut

    Wow - moving stuff on this thread. Feel the love of many of us standing with you brother.
    Shady1 likes this.
  9. You are the forger of your destiny, you make the decisions that lead you to a better life or to destroy yourself in the next years. I am 29 years old and have been a constant addict for so many years, then I decided to change that.

    You have to look at yourself from the outside boy, imagine yourself laying in bed, doing nothing but fapping away your BEST years.

    Do I want to really be a mindless useless zombie, or do I want o make the FUCKING difference in my life and in the life of the people that I know and will meet in the future?
    You do not have to answer us, you have to answer this to yourself, if you want it, YOU CAN DO IT!
    You must learn more each day, learn more does not mean using the computer all day long, learning more means understanding that the computer is one of the main reasons of why you failed, learning more means reading books, learning more means going out and meet people to talk to, learning more means start to know better yourself. Turn off the screen more often, and do other stuff, your brain need to do that in order to heal.

    I lost my father too when I was young, I know it is a fucking difficult life, I really feel you, you feel like you do not have a guide, you feel lost. Well I tell you that you are not lost son, you are just wandering in the darkest days of your life. It is time for you to step out, to become a bringer of light.

    I am with you, as the countless fapstronauts around here, please be your savior. With love.
    Shady1 and last_hope like this.
  10. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    "People who really are only interested in themselves find a tremendously rich field to practice narcissism. Nothing is important in the world but their problems......

    To be only interested in one's own problems is not the way of getting well or becoming a full human being. One can not live in a strong and joyous and independent way if one's only interest is oneself. ....

    The danger must be averted with analysis or without analysis, that a person remains concentrated about his own problems and remains separated from the world, that is to say from relating himself or herself in a detached way to all that is around him or her: to people, to ideas, to nature...

    How does anyone enrich his life? All the misery that is experienced by many people lies to a large extent in the fact that they are not so sick but they are separated from everything that is interesting in life, that's exhilarating in life, that is beautiful in life. They sit and fret about their problems, about their sins, about their mistakes, their symptoms....They don't even make the attempt, or enough of an attempt to enrich their lives because they think the best way to cure oneself is the complete concentration on one's own problem. But that is not the best way - it's the worst way.

    Concentration on one's problems should and must go together with an increased enlargement and intensification of one's interest in life. This interest can be art, many things, but I think it must also be ideas.... the enrichment of the mind. The question becomes very concrete: What does anyone read? One should begin reading, and reading significant books, and reading them seriously...

    Another essential point is to learn to think critically. Critical thinking is the only weapon and defence which man has against the dangers in life. If I do not think critically then indeed I am subject to all influences, to all suggestions, to all errors, to all lies which are spread out, with which I am indoctrinated from the first day on. One cannot be free, one cannot have one's centre in oneself unless one is able to think critically and - if you like - cynically."

    The Art of Listening
    Eric Fromm
    Shady1 likes this.
  11. jamesrobert

    jamesrobert Fapstronaut

    Big heart Shady. Love is the only power.
    Shady1 likes this.
  12. wanttoquitbadhabit

    wanttoquitbadhabit Fapstronaut

    You made a right decision to come here. I am showing my support here. you can see my story in the introduction thread. After years of P&M, I lost my confidence and be very unstable at the thing which I should be always good at, like study, sports, etc. The only way is to battle it until we overcome it! Both of us know it seems impossible BUT try again!
    Shady1 likes this.

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