Making amends (or should I start again)?

A place for rebooters to meet and discuss 12-Step programs in conjunction with their reboot

  1. db001

    db001 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I'm working on Step 8 - making amends - but I wonder if I should start from Step 1 with the group.

    What do you think?

    Thanks
     
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  2. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    Hi db. Have you done the previous steps before step 8? You ought to do it in order.
     
  3. db001

    db001 Fapstronaut

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    Hi. Thanks for your message. Yes, I did the other steps in order but on my own. I admitted my addiction and that I was powerless over it and looked to my higher power (in my case the Buddhist eightfold path etc) to remove it from my life. I used this forum as a way to tell one other person about my addiction. I wrote out my history of addiction and how it has impacted me and others in my life. I've started attending a weekly Buddhist meditation group as a way to keep me focused. Do you recommend that I do anything else? Thanks for your advice.
     
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  4. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    Have you tried any of the regular sex related fellowships such as Sex and Love addicts Anonymous? Personally I have found that my sex and love addiction is far great than just PMO. I would really suggest you restart the steps with a sponsor at a local meeting. There are various ones to try. SLAA, Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex addicts anonymous, to name a few.

    There is no rush in completing the steps. You have already done the hard work with step 4 so it shouldn't take long to work through them again with a sponsor. I would think that will be greatly rewarding for you.
     
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  5. db001

    db001 Fapstronaut

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    Hi. Thanks for your help. No I've never tried any of these fellowships but I am willing to. Do you recommend one over the other?
     
  6. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    I have tried SLAA, SA and SAA.

    SA and SAA tend to be just men, SLAA is more mixed. Out of the three, I found SLAA most helpful as I felt it covered the most aspects of sex and love addiction (the love bit). SAA and SA tend to focus on Sex alone.
     
  7. Shema

    Shema New Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm Shema. I was a member of SAA for a while (about 6 months) and regularly attended meetings during that time. I found it useful. However, it did not work for me in the long run, because my accountability partners seemed to lose interest, so I stopped going.

    Please do not feel sorry for me. I was an accountability partner for someone after this, and I lost interest. (I still feel quite guilty about this, because I know how hurt I was when I felt that my accountability partners had abandoned me.)

    I now believe it takes an uncommonly empathetic and dedicated person to be an accountability partner to a stranger. Do you know how long I have been an addict? At least 20 years. And in that time I have made the same mistakes repeatedly, getting on, and falling off the wagon. (And, the kicker is, that people who do not know of my addiction - and I believe that not even my wife knows - think that I am a strong-willed, resolute and organized person. And in many areas of my life this is true). But to get back to my original point. It is difficult to see how a stranger can be expected to have the patience to put up with my failing in the same way, over and over again, and with my continuous backsliding.

    I believe that I can do better, not just because I will rededicate myself to the 12 step plan, but because I have greater self-knowledge concerning my motivations, my character and my triggers.

    I have joined this group, not just because I feel the 12 steps are valuable, but because with a group, no one person has the obligation to feel responsible for me. We can share the burden for each other. Also, I am motivated to succeed because I am religious. And while that fact has made my continuous failures even more painful, it has helped me focus on getting myself right. I am elderly, and by any statistical measure, my time in your reality is diminishing. If I can look my Lord in the face and say not only 'I never gave up' but 'I finally got free' I am content.
    Love Shema
     
  8. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Shema to the group. If you struggled with SAA perhaps you might find SLAA more helpful. I used to do saa for several years before moving onto SLAA.
     
  9. Shema

    Shema New Fapstronaut

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    Dr_prof: Thank you for your reply. Why do you prefer SLAA to SAA? Regards Shema
     
  10. Dr_prof

    Dr_prof Fapstronaut

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    I felt that SLAA dealt with the love addiction part better than sex addiction. I realised I wasnt a sex addict but more a love addict (need to feel loved). Also SLAA deals with the opposite addiction (anorexia - ie avoidance of emotion, sex or social situations), again which I relate to.
     
  11. Shema

    Shema New Fapstronaut

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    Dr_prof: Thank you for your response.
    Shema
     

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