Married with kids... Somewhat a sex less marriage though

Does your wife know of your pornography addiction? That’s a huge step to success, probably the biggest. Get into recovery and your marriage will get better. Until your addiction is under control, your marriage will suffer.

 

I would go see a professional in this area to try to bridge the gap regarding sex and communication. Like couples counseling or something or other.... From what read from your post you guys have some communication challenges, which is the most common thing in the world when it comes to marriage i would imagine. can also try to read some books too on it. probably a million books on it.

a theme that I have seen come up in different philosophy books is about not loosing yourself in your bodily pleasures and emotions. I have had so much trouble with this myself, but it is essential. During my relationships i have had so many arguments and my emotions go up and i indulge in them. But it is essential not to let that happen and be grounded. Meditation helps with this. Being able to stick to a task/purpose/goal and not get sidetracked and distracted by emotions and desires coming from the body is key. it comes down to courage when it comes to sticking to my goals, and not escaping into carnal pleasures like porn. I am working on this and I think that if I can do this, then it will solve a lot of problems in my life. Like when your wife has opinions about sensitive topics. No one can control another person's opinion. If it were me would try not to attribute too much significance to the opinion about these sensitive topics, and simply care about her feelings and listen/ care about her as a person and remain grounded and let the emotions come and go. remain in control and not react. I would do my best not to loose myself in my emotions during the discussion. some books i love that talk about stuff like this are The Way of the Superior Man, and Manual for Life.

I included a passage from the badass book Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. It's difficult to read but from what I interpreted it says something similar to what I was talking about.

What pain soever thou art in, let this presently come to thy mind, that it is not a thing whereof thou needest to be ashamed, neither is it a thing whereby thy understanding, that hath the government of all, can be made worse. For neither in regard of the substance of it, nor in regard of the end of it (which is, to intend the common good) can it alter and corrupt it. This also of Epicurus mayst thou in most pains find some help of, that it is “neither intolerable, nor eternal;” so thou keep thyself to the true bounds and limits of reason and give not way to opinion. This also thou must consider, that many things there be, which oftentimes unsensibly trouble and vex thee, as not armed against them with patience, because they go not ordinarily under the name of pains, which in very deed are of the same nature as pain; as to slumber unquietly, to suffer heat, to want appetite: when therefore any of these things make thee discontented, check thyself with these words: Now hath pain given thee the foil; thy courage hath failed thee.

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

 

Give up pornography. It's a contradiction in that you don't agree with her liberal values but it is yourself looking at porn. I can only speak from experience but giving up porn / lust / ogling for a concerted period of time has had a definitive positive impact on my marriage, and relationship with women in general. Best of luck