My desire for a girlfriend drives my addiction.

I feel alone all of the time. I want a girlfriend so bad. So I go on a dating site. After awhile on that site I then relapse. I think my lonliness and desire for a girl drives me to relapse. FYI: I am terriable with women. They don't seem to like me and I think I turned to porn because I believe I can't do better. What do I do with my desire for a girlfriend? And my lonliness?

 

I know you think you're lonely because you haven't got a girlfriend but its not the reason you feel that way. If that were true then everyone whos in a relationship or even married with kids wouldn't be lonely........ But that's not true. There are a lot of lonely married people. And there are a lot of people just like you who craved a relationship only to find that once they got that relationship they still felt alone. In your current state all you would attract is a person who's equally empty and looking to get love, or a person who's distant and withdrawn and incapable of giving you the love you need. You attract what you are.
I know its not answer you want to hear but the only way to have a healthy relationship is to fill yourself up first. Then you're in a place to give and not look for a person to rescue you from loneliness. And you fill yourself up by making friends with those feelings of aloneness and loss in your body. Its not talk therapy, its stopping when you feel alone and embracing that feeling, allowing it in. Feeling that sensation in your body. This way you integrate your feelings that have been on the outside for so long. If you do this that feeling of aloneness will go and you will start to feel whole and alive again. Without having to try and solicit anything from another person. And when you do integrate these feelings you'll have love to give away and you'll attract a girl who also has love to give. But the hungry man never gets fed.

 

Thanks. Today I was full of anger towards women. I woke up just angry at them. It was so bad that I couldn't function. I often feel really pathetic because I never had a girlfriend. I was always an introvert and struggled with socializing. For the past few years I tried changing who I am so that girls could like me. I don't watch a lot of TV, or listen to modern music. I listen to a lot of classical music. So I feel like girls won't like me because of my personality. And I often see guys with girls always around them and that makes me feel like a loser.

 

http://www.returnofkings.com/25581/dont-look-for-a-girlfriend

I really wish websites and articles like this were around when I was your age. It would of saved me much confusion and directionless wandering.

If you act in desperation is like sharks smelling blood in the water. For those women who would choose you, you are most likely be the bitch in the relationship and most definitely the door mat. The hotter you think she is the more terrible you will be. So what's the man to do in your case? Well I really hope you meet a girl who is going to smash your heart into many pieces ASAP. That is going to strengthen you up but hopefully you don't end up as some angry d-bag. Having your heart smashed can go both ways. Either you rise above it and become the best version you can be or you can succumb to that dark abyss.

Ahhh to be young and always horny. LOL.

 

I think you have to have your heart smashed to a million pieces a couple of times before this article makes sense to you. In other words you have been battle hardened and you are going to arm up. If you are some green newbie who never had a gf before the article would not make much sense.

 

LOL.

If you want a girlfriend then stop looking for one. That is the message. ahhhh horny 18 year olds........

This section from the article sums it up PERFECTLY.

"It doesn’t matter if you want a girlfriend or not. The fact is that if you do, and this idea is present in your mind when you’re out meeting girls or hooking up with one, it will manifest itself in your actions. She will sense your desire for her – she will sense your longing. This tends to turn women off, because they want things they can’t have. They want a man they can’t tame. They want one that’s a challenge to lock down – one that puts his life missions over his women.

The outright desire for a long term relationship will spoil your game. It will bleed through in your words and your body language. Even if you do manage to hook up with and maybe even begin dating a girl while using this mindset, there’s a chance it will ruin the relationship. Successful relationships are based upon a strong masculine vs. feminine dynamic. The man must be in control. He must lead the course of the journey. If you start a relationship on the basis of you chasing her, this dynamic is all but ruined."

Here is something to take with you and save you some possible major heartache if she goes out with you. You don't want to be the bitch in the relationship if you ever get into one. It is going to be brutal.

Coming from personal experience these two paragraphs ring very true.

 

I'm rather amazed that no one has commented on this. It's pretty disturbing. With the ability to shift into this mindset, is it any wonder women are shying away? It makes ME want to shy away.

This. ^ @Veritech nailed it. I'd add only one thing to what he said - relationships are earned, not given. Attitude is everything. If your attitude sucks, who would be attracted? Work on your attitude, mate. Work on self improvement.

 

Thanks guys, this is all really great advise.

 

I will say that staying away from both porn and dating sites makes it twice as hard. I will say that by not trying too hard to get a girl actually relieves me. This way of looking at it takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. I can just be myself and find my own happiness.

 

Yes. And when you are happy with yourself and have that confidence, they will feel that too.

Hang in there, mate.