My desire for a secret sexual relationship

Hello guys,
This will be a longer thread so be patient.
In the last couple of days I have these fantasies to have sex with any woman out there who would met me before and accept me as an sexual partner.
It is not a big need for me but a really nice idea that I would really like to realize.
It should happen at her appartment and behind closed doors with all secret at any time. She should play the devot part, the submissive part and I want to be the dominant part who can get everything from her. Simply every sexual fetish, that she is okay with. In real life I am a looser, I am not gonna lie, and I want to know how it feels like to be dominant and get the hard sex what I have always missed in life.
No matter how you hate this idea, there are real people who wants to live this sexual relationship and playing those sex games. They are woman outthere who are okay with this idea and I am somebody who never act against there will, so nobody gets hurt at the end of the day.
It doesn't matter for me if this woman is older or younger or skinnier than me she can be overweight and I am totally fine with it. She also dont have to be extraordinary pretty but She should just accept me and my body and my age. I would never ask for love because love is not happening in this civilization, since almost everybody is unable to love why should I not live this fetish out? I dont care about deep intimacy anymore. Sure it was a deep desire to be accepted from a woman like a good friend but they look into my eyes like they would refuse me instantly without doing anything against them. It is an eye contact of hate, weirdness, strange, and that "not my type"-eye contact. I know those eyes and I hate those eyes when woman do this. Can't they just dont look into my eyes without any judgementals? Well I can wait alot to come across such a great person or better I know that this person is not existing so......
To come back to my main story:
Every time I'll go outside to a grocery store or anywhere else, I would like to meet this woman first or after shopping for about an hour so nobody of my family members can complain why I am so late and then I will go back to home. Maybe I want to be sex addicted. It sounds crazy but who knows what will happen if we die. We will never experience such a great experience.
There are actually overweight woman and older woman who miss sex alot, for example when their husbands are dead for years or overweight woman who are so desperate to have any kind of men around them to have sex with and they would do everything for you. Those woman who worship you like a god. I really miss it to be valuated on an extreme level. I want to live such an extreme life. Why should I not live all fetishes out if the woman likes to do it??? There are even rich managers in germany who wants to be devot as well and they go to SM-Studio and their only wish is to be sit on a chair and trampling on the balls or to be whipped from a woman.
Why should it not be accepted to go extreme?
To come back to me: Nobody gave me real love in life so maybe I go on an extreme level of sex. But I like that feeling alot. If you ask me would you pay for that fun? Definetly not! A woman who would worship me should never accept my money not even paying them a single penny or cent.
If my family knew what I did they would definetly argue with me, they would even yelling at me all the time. I can't stand them. I wish to have an own apartment where nobody gets in so I have my own privacy.
Do you have similar fantasies or fetishes you want to live it up?
And what is your idea about it?

 

I know what you mean. But I gave up the idea of true unconditional love. I will never fell in love to any woman, cause most woman I came across were woman who played social games with men.
And I don't want to allow that to myself. I don't want to be hurt no more.
Thats why I don't believe in this concept of love anymore.
True love was already non-existent, it was dead as I was born. I see my environment, and I see only shit.
With whom should I be together with? With conservatives? Or with a woman who had already 10 men in bed before me and pretend that she is able to love??? In both ways you need alot of money to buy at least a present for your loved ones, otherwise you as a man is seeing as stingy. In my opinion woman can't accept poor man around them. This is such a heavy fact, earlier or later people gonna see the truth.
I don't want to be a role model for no one.
You know me as I said, that I don't want to build a family nor having kids.
I don't want to waste my time with this stuff, because I already wasted my childhood and my youth.
I also said that I am not religious.
So nobody can complain that I am a sinner although I don't believe in it.
I personally don't believe that I can find someone who accept me as I am.
Why should I not live this way as a dominant sexpartner, when it is done with respect and acceptance on both sides? And without obligation? You can't hurt nobody if your partner says, yes I want to do that.
I will probably not be happy, but at least i would be happy for that very moment.
If I ever have the chance to meet such a woman, I will go for it - thats for sure.
Because nobody loves looser like me.
I think I go my own way.

 

Thanks for your concern I am here to suceed 90 days of NoFap. I will beat that addiction.
This year I gave up all these religious morality which is poisonous for humankind. But I would here exclude Buddhism.
Let me tell you something: At some point I am sick about this society where I live. And as far as it seem I will not emigrate to any other country thanks to my bad health condition.
Woman in germany are not fair to man. I had tried some times to ask girls if they want to be my friend and I knew exactly they don't fit to me. Not because I am a good guy. Because as dumb as it sounds I am not looking guy. Its a fact. There were 2 drunk woman, who looked liberal but cultivated at the same time, and they were beautiful who were coming out of the discotheque. And you know when people are drunk they are mostly saying true things. You know what they've said? They both said at once "No man you are too short man" in german and I immediatley cried where I have seen them.
I have searched for all the love and understanding but I didn't came far.
It broke my heart because this was a fact that I always knew but never have spoken out to myself nor anyone else did. From that time I knew, I will never get a girl for the rest of my life. They have said true things which has broken my heart. It was all about my surface-my body. I have tried to be self confident and looked woman in their eyes and they get irritated by staring at them, because of my being. I was judged of my nature given face. Although I did not stared in their eyes for too long but they didn't took me serious like doctors, teachers, workers at the Supermarket and so on. And I have started to hate all woman, because around me there were all good man who worked their asses off and these woman get divorced out of nowhere. A christian; really conservative but also really kind and extremely good looking told everyone where he is working-and guess what? All those woman break up because they knew that he had a low paid work. And he was always the nice guy. As a man you dont get to nowhere if you are the nice guy. Mostly woman fall in love to bad boys. The more rough you are to them the more you get respect. A good looking guy who is treating woman like shit is getting more respect than a Man with a Hollywood smile who is poor as hell.
You think I have low self esteem and this is why they don't want have to do anything with, it can be true, but actually if you would know who these woman are you would definetly say that those woman are extremely confident and they definetly know how they categorize men in a perfidious way.
And I don't mean it to generalize. But this is the most epidemic behaviour what woman can have at least in germany. And I was told that the US is not any different. Why is a man only loved when he is has a pretty face or someone who has great sex and is tall? They never let their heart decide.
There is a german proverb which say "Have you something, You are something; Have you nothing, you are a Nothing" Keep that always in mind my gentlemen.

 

Building a family is a such irritating argument, since I have always stand for not marrying a woman.
Do you think that marriage costs nothing? That the money for children rains from the sky??? I am not such an idiot to follow this religious bullcrap. You have more fear to land in hell than I do. Thank you. You can be responsible for you and your partner even if you not married and dont want kids. You can have fun together without the concept to progress of this relationship, and there are woman who even remove there uterus.
Because they have decided the ultimate decision for their own choice to never born kids.
Other topic is: Who married Adam and Eve? Or the people which followed next to them? Nobody! All these people had sex together without taking responibility. In the beginning of human history there must be people like brother and sisters who had sex together or father and sister who slept together. Otherwise the human race would not expand that much.
You always say you should marry. Why are you saying this like it is mandatory in life? You should nothing but only to be happy in life. I never lived my own childhood why should I gave up my life with my ill body to raise kids? I have already no power to work. With all respect but what you say is so strange to me.
For the other thing with the sadist part: I am not a sadist in real life. I want to have hard sex. This doesn't mean I would slap that woman in the face with whom I have sex with.
I would rather have dumb hardcore sex in a secret relationship rather than not have lived my life.
I want to be valued and adored like a god by those kind of woman. I know the chance is little to meet such a woman but not impossible.

 

I have my own opinion and you have your own. I am pretty aware whats going on. All these men who thought that they met their soul mates ended as Alcoholics. Because they knew their life fucked up with such an injustice they have experienced that this situation felt unbearable. I could tell you thousands of stories but maybe you have to collect some eperiences. Let me tell you one thing: I had never the feeling that a woman fight as much for the man as a man did for a woman. There was a street survey in turkey about who would decide to die first-The husband or the wife. And all woman said he (their husband) should die first. And alot of men said They would die for the sake of love. This tells you everything and underlines my thoughts about this society. Man are slaves in this system.

 

Yeah but I would not do it against her will. My intention is not to torture woman.
Anyways, I do believe that such woman exists but it is hard to find them, if they are not familiar with you.
I don't think that this desire can be fullfilled for the next couple of years.
The thrill is not having hard sex but more like being into the secret thing between 2 people.

 

Okay, would it be better to live a real love relationship with an older woman?
Do you believe that two people from different ages can love eacher?
Even if I fell in love to any woman I have to keep that in secret, because my family are such an intolerant family. My brother at least is like that.
Since I dont believe in real love I can't believe that normal love relationships can exists.
If you would know how many people break up, or how religious family force their children to marry, I would really like to puke sometimes. Because there is no heart in acting anymore.