My first bad day

I have a lot to say. I'll try to keep it concise. I've been going strong with very little hiccups so far. But today was bad.

See, whenever I quit PMO (which I've done a few times) I start trying to reconnect with people sexually, the way that most people do, and I turn to dating, either traditionally or online. I have problems with both forms of dating, but I'll start with online dating. Online, my dating value seems to be 10x lower than in person. I can send out 100 messages and get maybe 1 reply from a girl that isn't cute and has a bland dating profile.

In person I have totally different problems. Women show interest in me, but it never pans out. Sometimes a girl will act super flirty with me, but then lose interest as soon as I reciprocate interest, almost like she just wanted my validation. Even if I've been dating a girl, as soon as I show as much or more interest than her, she walks. Funny thing is, they come back as soon as my interest wanes. Again, it's like they just want me to want them, nothing more or less. It's the challenging allure of achieving my affections that causes them to flirt with me, not them actually wanting to be with me.

Then there's another problem.

Sometimes a really cute girl that I don't know or hardly know will say something really strong to me, or flirt with me so painfully hard it's embarrassing. But it always happens at the perfectly wrong moment. One time, when I was right next to my girlfriend, a girl I'd been around for 2 minutes told me she wanted to have sex with me. Another time, I had a feeling that this cute girl liked me. I'll call her Ashley (not her real name). I asked Ashley's friend if Ashley liked me, and her friend said that yes, Ashley had a crush on me. So I talked to Ashley, who rejected me. Then I dated someone else, and Ashley started flirting with me, even putting her hands on me, right in front of my girlfriend.

Even the very first time I ever liked a girl, I'll call her Jane (also not a real name), there were similar problems. Another girl flirted with me painfully hard right in front of Jane, who had this soul crushed, sad look in her eyes, and she never got over it. She even begrudgingly plotted a weird revenge scheme against me that put me in a depression for a long while. This was after a year of abstaining from PMO, which, in my depression, I fell back on.

So the cycle goes on. I leave PMO, deal with the frustrating mind games and manipulations of dating, and then find myself falling back on old habits. Let's just hope that this time I can overcome this problem for good. Honestly though, this site isn't as supportive as I hoped it would be. Forums are nice but it would be nicer if the website had the integrated feature of small, closed groups where people could easily get together and collectively share their problems, that way there's always a high chance that whenever someone hits an urge or a speed bump, they can have an immediate response from at least 1 or 2 people that they've already established a relationship with.