My intro

Hello all.

I am outkasted, 44 year old male.

I've been beating off frequently since high school but back in those days pron was hard to get a hold of. It was catalogs, music videos, exercise shows, sports illustrated swimsuit edition and newspaper lingerie ads for me then. It was pretty much that way until 2001, when I was finally out on my own, and for the first time had access to high speed internet. After that I discovered internet pron and the ways to obtain such material. By this time it became a daily habit.

I've never been good with women. I had one brief relationship in college and only one other sexual encounter and that's it. I haven't been on a date for about 15 years or so, which was when I was trying different PUA stuff and failing at it. At the beginning of this year I decided I want to level up my life and I knew my pron habit was becoming a big problem as it was a daily, around 2 times a day habit. I started going to therapy. I hired a life coach. It was the life coach that suggested quitting porn and I went on a 37 day streak of NoFap.

Unfortunately today was not a good day. The weekend was not a good weekend and I didn't get anything accomplished that I wanted to accomplish. I relapsed today 3 times, ending my 37 day streak. Now it's back to square one.

During those 37 days, I did find myself with more time on my hands so I was more productive. I was also much more anxious and stressed as I no longer had that outlet and no prospects for women. In fact at this point talking to women feels like climbing mt everest even though it shouldn't. None of the supposed super powers that I saw in videos happened. Instead it was the daily challenge to just get up in the morning and fight my way through the day.

So here I am. I don't feel like I can do this alone at this point so I decided to put this down on paper so to speak so I can leave this addiction behind once and for all. It has ruined my life.