My life is on a downwards spiral.

First of all, try to find some way to calm yourself. Easier said than done I know but you're obviously very upset and not thinking clearly. Once you've done that read the rest of my post.

Alright? OK let's move on. The good news is the solution for this is pretty damn straightforward. You need to give up porn. The bad news is this is simple to understand, very difficult to actually do. Porn is a very addictive substance and as you're already aware seeps into aspects of your life where you might not expect it to. But you absolutely need to do this because without it the rest won't work.

The rest in this case is spending the time you spent with porn making improvements to your life. I don't know your life story or personal situation so I can't be overly specific but the good ones to start, the foundation if you will, consists of healthy living and a healthy mind. Get out of the house and into nature, eat right, drink right, if you smoke, drink, take drugs (porn may as well be a drug) cut that out right away. Stop spending so much time playing videogames (if you play) and start reading books and doing things to express creativity. Take up writing (even journaling is fine) or drawing or making music. Practice mindfulness (explaining this would take a novel so do some research) and maybe learn how to properly meditate. Cultivate meaningful relationships, NOT with women you want to date, not at first. I'm talking your family, friends, colleagues. Figure out what you want from life and pursue it.

Finally, this site is a good place to start. You can make a journal, engage with others for support and help, and use the various site resources to make abstaining from porn easier. Good luck.

 

Excellent advice by the gentleman above, take it at heart because what he is advising will take you on a better path. You may still PMO while doing those changes, that sucks but it may happen, it's part of the process. But keep the bigger picture present, you want to improve your life and change is how you do it. You won't experience true recovery until you change what got you into the addiction in the first place.

Also, you are young man, you have your entire life ahead of you. Say you check all your objectives in terms of recovery, you can be a new person in a matter of months.

Last but not least, the porn you consumed does not define you, you are not the porn you watched and you are not your mind either. There is a boatload of shame around it, sure. Get rid of it, stop using, give therapy and support groups a try if you haven't, it will help with shame and provide support. Decide to make the change and stick to it, you got this!

 

I can not add anything to the above post except to emphasize you HAVE to stop with those sites.
Those people hate you, and want you broken. its not real. it is poison. nothing will get better until you STAY AWAY.

 

It may not seem like it at first, but this is actually good news. You're only sixteen, which means that life hasn't really yet begun for you. I've been an addict for 19 years, and some guys here that I've met are in their sixties. I'm actually working with a guy your age, so I promise you that there's hope (and I'm not referring to the 90-day/cold shower cliche).

You know what this is?

Just from reading your fetish, it's clear what the problem is. Before I get into that, however, I encourage to not feel shame. On the contrary, learn from your fetish, because it's going to teach you a lot about yourself.

There's two reasons (from what I can discern) why you feel this way about yourself, or why any man would. The first is a feeling of weakness, and the other is feeling undesirable. When you combine these two feelings together, you get the cuckold fetish: a man whose partner either willingly cheats due to having to desire, or she is ravaged by another man while you're powerless to save her.

Meanwhile, I noticed another pattern: A bully or assailant forces himself on your partner. Am I to assume bullying has been a constant thing for you? Were you actually cheated on by a partner? Is there some childhood trauma related to survivor's guilt (You survived, but a loved one did not, or you watched helplessly as a loved one was injured)?

I don't know your life story, but one thing I know is that porn and a traumatized brain (not to mention self-image issues) is like fire and gasoline; excessive porn use will tap into those feelings or memories, and then pull into videos that let you relive those traumas, or build fantasies around them. The dangerous part is that the fetishes and negative feelings only get worse over time.

Porn use gets more extreme over time, because the brain gets desensitized to the "softcore" or "vanilla" scenes. I think this explains your descent into what you've found yourself viewing/thinking about.

Well, I can tell you this: I felt that jealousy you described once upon a time. However, unless the other man you described is actively mistreating you (in which case, ignore what I'm about to say), then the issue may be that you don't really hate him at all. Instead, you truly hate yourself; you aren't attractive enough to get that girl's attention and love, or perhaps too afraid of rejection to make a move. I'm not judging; all men at some point in their lives have felt that fear, or the feeling of not being good enough to achieve what we want.

I know the feeling all too well, friend. Sometimes you feel stuck, disgusting, and you think that suicide is the only way out. Suicidal thoughts occur when we believe there's no hope of change or further meaning/purpose to be found (usually with men), no chance of redemption (usually with women), etc.

However, the fact that you feel disgusted with yourself is actually a positive, not a negative. Don't get me wrong, I'm sad that you feel this way, but the good thing is that porn didn't take your feeling away. Most porn users feel numb to their fetishes, even if they are getting off to bestiality, incest, BDSM, you name it. Porn numbs you, but you said that you are shedding tears. That means you know this is wrong, because porn hasn't numbed you. Most porn users become numb, and once your numb and desensitized, you see no reason to change. You took the first step and reached out for help, and you were brave enough to admit your fetishes out loud. Most people wouldn't have the guts to do even that (heck, even I've never openly admitted my fetishes).

There is hope friend, and you're a lot stronger than you might give yourself credit for. I'm here to help, so send me a PM if you would like to talk further. We can discuss tailor-made strategies to help one another.

Agreed. Don't pour gasoline on a forest fire.

 

This story is practically my highschool experience in a nutshell. I used to hang out with a group of guys that acted like my friend (Or at least claimed to be), but in reality they didn't respect me at all. I was the butt of their jokes, and they treated me like a pack animal; they would eat my lunch, steal money from me to buy food from the nearby mall, and they wanted me to do their homework for them. Meanwhile, they couldn't even show a modicum of common courtesy.

The reason some men do this is simple: They're trying to be a "big fish in a small pond." Bad women generally don't associate with people they consider to be inferior in my lived experience, and will exclude such people from their social circles (or they will explot those people or virtue signal in private, when their friends aren't looking). Men are a bit different; your "friends" were just using you to make themselves look better. It's a never-ending hazing that is meant to give you the false hope that if you keep putting up with it, they will eventually embrace you into their fold. However, they're counting on your false hope, and keep dangling the carrot in front of the horse.

Here's the solution: First of all, those guys are NOT your friend, and they are terrible people and bullies. The fact that you've developed these fantasies via porn means that you've internalized the low opinion that these boys have saddled you with, which will be bad for your mental health.

Secondly: Stop associating with them immediately, and make sure your parents know what they are doing, as well as your guidance counsellor. Sure, they may see you as a snitch, but in the adult world, do you think this behaviour would be tolerated in the workplace? No (unless your boss is Steve Jobs), they would be brought up to HR and fired. These guys are scum, and they are putting you down to build themselves up. Use whatever resources you have available (starting with your family) to put an end to their abuse. Meanwhile, avoid them, and if they start to speak with you, tell them bluntly that you don't wish to associate with them anymore, and that the proper authorities know what they've been doing. If they can treat you like that, then they are obviously willing to face the consequences.

Sadly, this is another thing many Western girls love to do, especially the very pretty ones. I'm sorry to say this friend, but that girl (based on everything you said) was never attracted to you. Sure, she may have acted nice to you, and she probably got an ego boost when she knew you liked her (and I'm sure you made it obvious), but ask yourself one question: if she truly loved you back, then why did she date someone else? I noticed you failed to bring up instances where you two hung out during lunch breaks, after school, or during the summer. She didn't take any initiative to invite you out, it seems. If the girl isn't making such proactive attempts to get closer to you, then that means the attraction was never there. You said your friends didn't interfere, but sadly, highschool kids talk (heck, people talk!); She probably already knew of your reputation, and also refused to compromise her own by being seen with you. I know all of this because, when I was in high school, I fell for a girl just like this.

She was nice as well, but then I found out she was talking behind my back, telling her friends how pathetic I was. It doesn't sound like you were hanging out with this girl, and she clearly didn't invite you to do so, which means she was keeping you at a distance. What happened during the second sophmore year was obvious, because westerners do this all the time; once the semester ends, old classmates act like they never even knew you. I think it's childish when people do this, but it's sadly the way things are, it seems.

It wasn't your fault for not making a move. In fact, I'm willing to bet this guy she dated was better looking than you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad; it's just that modern women (and society, for that matter) are very superficial. Who knows? Maybe she got bored of that guy the way she got bored of you. If so, what does that say about her character? Is that someone who is relationship material, or someone worth emotional investment?

Don't let her make you feel inferior. The truth is, as a human being, you have no control over who you fall in love with, or who loves you (or who doesn't love you). For now, focus on moving on.

So, let's discuss some solutions:

First of all, forget about this girl. I understand that you love her, but her behaviour is not lining up with someone who feels the same way (especially when dating the other guy she chose over you). Don't chase or pine over people who don't feel the same way. Besides, you're 16 years old, not even an adult; you'll have far more chances to meet newer people, including women who may actually love you.

Second, use this time to work on yourself. I'm going to tell you what most people on this website will insist isn't true, but this is nature my friend. I'm going to tell you what women are really attracted to, regardless of what they claim to the contrary:

WOMEN WANT AN ATTRACTIVE PARTNER. EVERYTHING ELSE HINGES ON THIS.

But wait a minute, I hear you saying, other Fapstronauts claim women love confidence and manliness! Confidence is a by-product of positive reinforcement from other people, not the cause of it. This is why I said you should get rid of your terrible friends; they are ruining your self-esteem with their bullying, and without regular positive reinforcement, how can you expect to ever be confident? Meanwhile, which men are more likely to be confident around women? The ones who receive the most positive reinforcement from them, and those men are most likely very attractive.

Work on your physical appearance first (anyone who says otherwise is either lying or an ideologue).

That may be your whole story so far, but I still want to help you. I see myself in your experience, and I'm writing this as though you're my younger self. Besides, your story is just beginning; you still have a job to do. First, you need to ditch these monsters you call friends (please get an adult figure involved; this is bullying, not friendship!); Second, you need to get over this girl (pro tip: avoid sad songs!); Third, we need to now discuss strategies regarding your porn habits:

1. Block all porn on your personal devices (laptop, phone, tablet, etc). I get you may not have the funds at your age, but try this article! I use it to block sites on my local computer for free. I'm sure there are free apps that will let you do the same for phones. Porn causes a condition called hypofrontality, which lowers your ability to resist temptation.
2. Meanwhile, don't use your computer alone. With your self-esteem as it is, you'll be tempted to isolate yourself, which addition will only worsen. Only use devices (when at home) when your family is around, and make sure they can see what you're doing. That's why we use Accountability partners on this site; to make sure we are accountable to someone.
3. Leave your devices out of your room, and when in your room, leave the door open. This might seem weird, but the less privacy you have, the less likely you are to relapse. This is just until your willpower returns.

These are for the short term, but there's still long term work that needs to be done. We still need to focus on this low self-esteem that has been plaguing you, because I truly believe there's more to it than what you've mentioned here. However, I won't push you for more than what you've revealed, or speculate. For now, I'll share with you what worked for me so far:

As I said before, confidence comes from positive reinforcement. Just look at Maslow's heirarchy of needs; self-actualization (step 5: being the best you can possibly be) is a result of positive reinforcement (step 4), which comes from a strong community of family and friends (step 3). No man is an island; we need support from a healthy environment to grow into better people. Once you've blocked all that porn and ditched those cretins you call friends, your next task should be finding new friends.

I should warn you, though; people grow apart after high school, so I can't promise your friendships will last past that. However, one piece of advice I'll give you is this: the best friends to have are people your family knows. Ask yourself this: Could you bring your "current" friends around your family, given how they treat you? Probably not; your parents would probably insist you keep away from them. Real friends offer support, not ridicule.

From my personal experience: I joined a boxing gym last week, and I love it! Everyone is different, but like yourself, I also have porn fetishes that stem from weakness and self loathing. The solution? If your self-image is one of weakness, train yourself to turn that weakness into strength.

Remember the film Return of the Jedi? Luke refused to face his father, until Vader threatened to turn Leia to the dark side. Upon hearing this, Luke comes out of hiding and goes berserk.

My point is, true strength isn't physical per se, but the ability to stand up to your fears and weaknesses, without succumbing to them. I'm not implying violence! If you feel physically weak, then exercise is the key. Mental toughness comes from persistence; not backing down from difficulty, and being able to ignore temptations when they arise. If you ever fantasize about you future wife/daughter being ravaged, then remember that image of Luke I mentioned, and fight back (mentally). Besides, if you develop a strong body, how can anyone call you weak? If you develop mental fortitude, how can anyone call you a quitter? If you learn to face challenges without giving up or backing down, how can anyone call you a coward?

The best way to feel strong is not to take on the world like a Chuck Norris meme, but to have like-minded people around you who feel the same way. Your friends say a lot about who you are (and there's strength in numbers; bullies tend to avoid large groups). Maybe check your local library or community centre for activities, or maybe your family might know of some things. Your hobbies and interests can help push you in certain directions.

Your journey needs to be tailor-made, though; the one-size-fits-all approach of taking cold showers and maintaining a 90-day streak is commodifying Nofap. If you like, I'll work with you. PM me at any time, and we can discuss your options!

And ditch those lowlives!

 

Good morning,

Those sound like some really unpleasant thoughts to have, and am sorry to hear they plague you everyday.

Those intrusive thoughts you have, they sound like a mixture of curiosity, anxiety and inferiority (the latter maybe stemming from bullying I read in your backstory) this can be normal though and you will be able to fix this!

When one masturbates/PMO's, it reduces androgen receptors and near halts all testosterone uptake in the brain. With testosterone unable to transcribe masculine traits to DNA, a whole array of mental and physical issues can start to beset people. They can also make external influences worse (due to depression, anxiety etc it can cause)

The best solution (though not easy or straight forwards) is to stop PMO and start exercising. This can help replace the negative and easy source of dopamine which help exacerbate these awful thoughts - with a harder earned and positive source of dopamine.

Those negative thoughts will start to subside, as anxiety reduces and you begin to feel more bold and accomplished, having earned that dopamine now from hard work.

Your backstory above, I'm glad you got rid of that toxic group of people masquerading as friends, humans like that aren't needed. With the girl, it took me a little while to figure this out, but I don't believe any human can truly be happy with a partner until they are fully at ease or happy with themself. Otherwise the relationship is much more likely to fail, both people in a relationship can be in this position. So please don't feel bad about that girl, I don't think now would've been a good time for that when you've demons to slay.

If you are happy whilst single (this could be due to having attained good physical health through cardio, weight training & clean food, achieved something or having slain mental demons - maybe all 3) only then can people be truly happy in a relationship.

You're young at only 16 and are trying to rectify the problem already so you're off to a good start.

Do you currently do any cardio? What's your health like?
And if you use your phone for PMO, is it more alluring at certain times of the day like night time?

 

Your situation is rough but you have 2 good things going for you:

1.) Your fetish is clearly porn-induced.
This means after being away from porn for long enough, it will fade slowly until it goes granted you do not entertain it. This is much better than hereditary and developmental fetishes which despite fading stay with you at varying degrees throughout your life.
Although you may not be able to get off to real women at the moment, you definitely could be able to. This isn’t the case for some people such as myself whose sexual orientation is fucked up enough to be disgusted at genitals and only hooked on a fetish.

2.) You’re also young. I started quitting at your age and believe me I know how fucking terrible it is to walk about feeling like shit and knowing that you’re wasting your teens to a shameful addiction instead of becoming who you want to be. It’s terrible, but if I’m honest with you I’m incredibly glad that I noticed my problem early. It’s meant that I’ve had the time to learn my problems, develop as a person and make efforts to change my life. From wanking and playing video games I went to playing guitar, getting good at art, learning a language, reading. Life’s not perfect but I have a far more peaceful existence now thanks to giving it up. Another aspect is that your brain is less fucked up by quiting before the end of adolescence. You get guys hooked for 20 years before they realise by that point it’s extremely difficult and they’ve wasted half of their lives.

As for the suicidal thoughts, this is an extremely alarming addiction to have, especially due to the fuckheads in society who put that much shame and ridicule on it that it makes quitting harder. But it doesn’t define who you actually are. When I think of my identity I tend to think of the things I enjoy doing, going places, playing sports, cooking, history, music… I never think of something I was hooked to nonstop a few months ago. The more you dwell on it with shame the more you start to think it as your identity and soon it becomes hard to separate it from you.

You need to quit porn. I would advice more or less permanently and get your orgasms from masturbation without fantasy (which is possible) if you need to. The first 2 weeks are terrible and the best way to quit is to separate your mind from it instead of burying in the shame. It’s a matter of discipline over motivation but if you need to stay away desperately, read Gary Wilson your brain on porn (just look at it for free in a pdf online) or also read your own posts.

If you want someone to msg or any reboot advice let me know.

 

Couple of points that I hope are helpful:
1) We all have fetishes/turn-ons so don't blame yourself. It's harmful when you don't have control over urges and when it bleeds into your normal activities, which it seems to have done for you.
2) Figure out every device through which you access porn. Find a way to block access to that material in all those devices. And find a buddy/family member/online Nofap member who can keep the password of content filter programs. If you don't block the porn, your mind will need more extreme material overtime. Worst case, you give up some of those devices. Not having an iPad won't kill you. Make use of that free time with other hobbies/explore.
3) People should earn and deserve your time. You are the man. If people don't treat you that way, try to resolve it with them (some people can change if you let them know you are not okay with how they treat you). If that doesn't work, trash them and find people who respect you and you enjoy being around. Being around other humans should GIVE you energy, not drain your energy.

All this is easier said than done. But keep making progress. We can all do it.

 

Being honest and open about your issues is the best path to take. It allows us to heal.

 

Lots of long answers here, so I'll keep this brief.

What you're describing is pure fantasy. That's all it is. It's an embarrassing fantasy but you're not hurting anybody. Believe it or not, everybody has embarrassing fantasies. You don't have a wife. You don't have children. So you can't possibly imagine what it would be like to see them hurt - especially not at your age. Rest assured, if someone were to rape your wife, you would not whip out your you-know-what. Don't kill yourself over this.

 

Bullying and a feeling of weakness and a feeling of not being attractive enough. I too suffer from this and that is exactly how I feel. I compare myself to others - why I'm not as tall, physically fit (which I'm working on) or my face is not as attractive. A number of things.

 

That's all in the eye of the beholder buddy. There's generic female models I think aren't attractive at all, but some may have been programmed through various events during upbringing to think are. Whereas the people I might be attracted to, others may not. There'll be many people out there that may find you attractive, of course we all want to be physically healthy because a healthy body will be desirable for understandable reasons. But with face, height especially, people are all different in what they think is desirable. If a girl genuinely cares about someone's height more than their personality, look etc then they won't be desirable to anyone. (And that's coming from someone who's 6'2).