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My own history

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Igaleksus, Mar 27, 2021.

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  1. Mar 27, 2021 #1
    Igaleksus

    Igaleksus Fapstronaut

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    Once I bought a woman masks for face, and use it while masturbate... because I felt like I want to be like woman inside... To be desired... And to hide the feeling of inferiority, that I'm bad, behind the mask, to be desired. I also used dart needles, and used glue to stick them to my nipples. I remember that as a child I changed into women's clothes, I wanted to be like my mother, to wear her crown. I feel lonely now with all these thoughts. The tragedy is, that I don't have a person, who could look at me, and for who'm I could be desired... on this background porn looks... like... I should be like them, like actrisses and acters, and I always thought, well, maybe one day it will happen. From the age of 12. But it never happened, and I feel resentful of God and blame him, and I wonder if I haven't tried hard enough to make my dreams come true., but it is never going to happen... This is frustation lvl 100 for me.
     
    Igaleksus, Mar 27, 2021
    Igaleksus, Mar 27, 2021
    #1
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  2. Mar 29, 2021 #2
    Deleted Account

    Deleted Account Guest

    Go to therapy, it will help you repair broken mind. This is how cofusion works. Lack of attention as a child can be seriously damaging in life. These symptoms have source and you can fill this big hole of despair with real self-love but you need help of professional to lead you through things that you are unaware of. Confusion and frustration are not the purpose of life but only possible stage to be crossed and transformed.
     
    Deleted Account, Mar 29, 2021
    Deleted Account, Mar 29, 2021
    #2
  3. Mar 30, 2021 #3
    bjorkstadski222

    bjorkstadski222 Fapstronaut

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    There's no problem with doing something you like. There are people who love wearing women's clothes and there's nothing wrong with that. However, the porn addiction is a problem that you're trying to correct and maybe it's weighing heavier for you cause you "think" you have 2 problems when you only really have the 1 problem of porn addiction.
     
    bjorkstadski222, Mar 30, 2021
    bjorkstadski222, Mar 30, 2021
    #3
  4. Mar 31, 2021 #4
    TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

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    I am sorry to hear all that. Stay strong.
     
    TimeToQuitNow, Mar 31, 2021
    TimeToQuitNow, Mar 31, 2021
    #4
  5. Mar 31, 2021 #5
    Fallacious D

    Fallacious D Fapstronaut
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    I wish there were more people like you on this forum, @Igaleksus.

    You should feel proud for confronting your emotional difficulties with honesty. Being open and honest with yourself is a very powerful trait. Your frustration, resentment, and feelings of inferiority are 100% valid and completely understandable. Luckily, we live in a world where you can be accepted for expressing your true self. I hope you continue to express yourself without holding anything back, and I also encourage you to seek therapy so you don't have to deal with these toxic emotions alone. You should feel entitled to healing yourself, because we all deserve healing.
     
    Fallacious D, Mar 31, 2021
    Fallacious D, Mar 31, 2021
    #5

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