My reason why

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ProtagonistOfMyLife, Jul 11, 2019.

  1. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

    Sup guys.

    People who PMO are wired for instant gratification.
    It's not only PMO. We want stuff right then and there. It may be food. It may be games. It may be something we want to buy or some television show we want to watch.

    For that reason, many of us also don't have a lot of (natural) sexual encounters. Because a girlfriend is part of the process not the end goal. If having sex is your goal, meeting people, having fun with people, connecting with people is part of the road.

    But because PMOers go for instant gratification we cut out the road and want to reach the end goal immediately. That is, sexual pleasure and instant gratification.
    It's low effort and we supposedly have the return of investment we want.

    The downsides aren't obvious. Right? It's like always eating too much and eating tasty, fatty and sweet stuff only.
    You don't become fat from today till tomorrow. It's a creeping process we may not really conciously notice.
    And one day, you get out of autopilot, and realise you are unhappy with your body, you feel uncomfortable and are trapped in your position.
    And as we are all about instant gratification we want an escape instantly. Reality however, isn't so forgiving. It gives us an always accurate result to our actions, whatever they may be.

    It's the same with PMO, but rather with your body getting fat, it's your mind/brain that takes the hits for you. You get brain fog, laziness, social anxiety, diminished confidence and self-worth.

    Many people in a situation like us, feeling trapped and bad now decide to start escaping reality. They become escapists.

    Some will turn to alcohol, others will game 24/7, some will read fantasy novels all day or binge tv series. Anything that allows them to not think about their situation. And some will even indulge even more in PMO or even act on their fetishes and escalate them to a whole new level.

    But not we guys. As much as it may hurt, we have decided to confront reality. As much as our stupidity and carelessness may pain us, we want to make it up to ourselves and loved ones.

    However, instant gratification and PMO are real things, so many of us struggle along the way of recovery. Some may give up, some may stand up after they fall.

    But what we all have in common is that we acknowledge the problem and seek a solution.

    So, before I tell you my reason why, I will start off with some other things:

    First. There is no short cut or easy way out. You will have urges, your primal part of the brain will want to fap, no matter what. And there is no other way to recovery than resisting and overcoming those urges. You will get horny and have weak moments. Acknoweldging this beforehand will allow you to strenghten your will and resolve when that moment comes. and, the only way to overcome those urges is to retain luciditiy. Slow down, breathe deeply. And start spinning the gears inside of your higher brain parts.
    Every battle won against urges is a battle won against your addiction. Overcoming huge urges may push you forward hours or even days on your way to recovery. Having urges is nothing to be ashamed of but an opportunity to steele yourself and your resolve. An opportunity to regain your diginity and self worth. I don't fear urges. I acknoweldge their destructive potential, like I would an enemy who wants to harm me, but that's all there is to it.

    Secondly. PMO and urges aren't what you believe they are. Urges aren't necessarily when you are already sitting in front of your computer one breath away from opening a porn site.
    Urges start when you decide to indulge in sexual thoughts and fantasies. Urges are when you decide to put you hand under your pants. Urges are when you decide to google or insta for bikini models. that's when they start. If you stop them then and there. If you monitor your behaviour and thoughts rigorously and stop them then and there, they will never snowball into fullblown urges and chances you will relapse are much, much lower.

    Also, PMO is not your sexuality. Neither repress nor demonize your sexuality. Having a healthy sexual drive is a good thing, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be afraid of.
    Do not confuse urges and PMO with your sexuality. Finding a girl hot etc.. is nothing you should repress, even on recovery, it would only hurt you.

    Thirdly and finally, I will tell you my 'why' I am stopping PMO. It's nothing spectacular or grandiose. I am a simple guy. I am a greedy guy, I want it all.

    So, imagine you could choose between two options: The first is, I give you 100 dollars every day for 30 days but you lose out on 1 million dollars at the end of the month.
    The second option is, you pay me 100 dollars every day for 30 days but you get 1 million dollars from me at the end of the month.

    Which one would you choose, and why?

    Intellectually, we all know the obvious choice. But still, many of us will go for the instant gratification and take the 100 dollars a day then and there.

    All the more, when things and values aren't as obvious as with monetary rewards.

    Fapping each day is like taking 100 dollars.
    Not fapping, and resisting urges takes a toll on you, it's like giving away 100 dollars. It's annoying and a hassle to resist the urges, we would rather take the 100 dollars and do some 'cool' stuff (aka fap to sick shit).

    But at the end of the month, when we do that, nothing has changed and nothing will change. You will still have brainfog, you will still be unhappy, unsuccessful and ungrateful to life and your loved ones won't have stopped hurting.

    But, what if, what if we take to long term route. What if we invest 100 dollars, each and every day. By not fapping you will lose out on instant gratification and rather than having a short moment of bliss. Your unhapiness, grumpiness and sad feelings will temporarily increase. Returning to reality, only to realize you are on ground 0 doesn't make anyone happy. But we endure it. We pay 100 dollars each and every day. And, unbeknowst to us after some time, we realize along the way, that things have changed, we made more money along the way than the 100 dollars we payed each and every day. We made millions at the end of every month.
    Now, while stopping PMO will not necessarily make you a millionaire in regard to money I sincerely believe that by stopping PMO and stopping fapping you do earn millions. Millions in character development, social environment, relationships, meaning in life, success, happiness, confidence. If you really think about it, what happens to you when you stop PMO can never be weighed in money and I will rather be a handsome, cool and successful dude than a real millionaire who is still watching drawn images on a screen to get off.
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2019
  2. Not much else to say other than great post, that's what it's all about.
    Brain Fog and Re:Born like this.
  3. The Bink

    The Bink Fapstronaut

    Amazing. Thanks for taking the time to write this, it's a good read.
    Re:Born and Brain Fog like this.
  4. Amazing post!
    Re:Born and Brain Fog like this.
  5. Brain Fog

    Brain Fog Fapstronaut

    Such a good post. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I'm going to bookmark this and save it for future reading.
    MNViking, The Bink and Re:Born like this.
  6. DiegoNunez7749

    DiegoNunez7749 Fapstronaut

    Does sleeping when I have urges like resisting or should I stay awake
    Re:Born likes this.
  7. ProtagonistOfMyLife

    ProtagonistOfMyLife Fapstronaut

    Well, talking from personally experience, as urges will increase your heartrate and adrenalin, falling asleep in such a such of agitation while be nigh impossible. You will lay in bed unable to fall asleep in most cases, that's why you should rather go take a cold shower, try to meditate, exhaust your body with sports, or even simple do push-ups. Anything that allows you to refocus your mind.
    MNViking and DiegoNunez7749 like this.

Share This Page