Need advice on ED!

It could be flatline as Kenzi pointed out. A flatline is a period of time during a reboot when the person feels no arousal. The length of time can vary from person to person but it happens to everyone who comes off a porn addiction. It passes.

As far as his being "ready" and then not being able to perform, it could be flatline. Could also be performance anxiety which he may have since he was worried about you thinking he had relapsed to porn.

Erectile Dysfunctionis a real bitch for us dudes. Since so much of our masculinity centers around our dick, when it stops working right it can take time and patience to correct. Fixing it is a multi-layered problem that takes effort, especially for a Porn Addict. Be patient, be supportive and realize it's not that we don't love you, it's not that we don't find you attractive and it's defiantly not that we don't want to have sex with you. Our heads fucked up from porn and we gotta sort it out. We WANT to please our women!

That being said it's important he exercise, not smoke and no PMO.

 

you could try sensate focusing techniques which doctors use to help reboot ED. He clearly has no physical problem with is equipment as he gets morning erections.

Sensate focusing would be spread over a month of so.

Try agreeing in the first week or so, just to date, no sex no pressure just enjoy each others company.
then you can spend time on the bed together with clothes on, then without - no sex
eventually you can then agree to have sex.

Just an idea.

 

Hi my ex was about the same age as yours and I’m 8 years younger. I’m going to tell you something that not many younger women dating older men talk about, guys close your ears most men at that age are going to have issues with ED or DE. You can limit stress you can eliminate whatever you think is causing it but unless you have found the fountain of youth there is not much you can do to change it. Now all these men are going to come on here and say oh not me I’m a stallion I can go like a 20 year old man, they are lying to themselves. I have been with a 25 year old man and my share of 30 year olds as well as men over 40 they can’t. That’s not to say sex with an older man is bad often they are much more skilled attentive lovers but having sex with an older man is just different. It won’t be as frequent, he won’t be able to come back as quickly, it is much better in the morning when he’s naturally stimulated and often intercourse is not enough to please them or turn them on. Sure he can try ED meds but that usually ends up with no ED but then DE which it can’t fix. You like me are at your sexual peak and he’s on the downslope it’s the cruel trick of nature. So add to the mix a man who is used to pmo as his sole method of pleasure and you have a recipie for Bad ed. I’m not sure if he was single for a long time before you but mine was and literally had more sex with himself than a woman in that time.

Older people are also more slow to adjust to change. That’s why when I see guys on here that are doing no pmo in their 20s it makes me so happy they found out early.

As we age we also have back problems neck problems we are tired more. My ex kept saying his testosterone was low but it was not. And when he is genuinely trying no pmo and can’t perform with you he thinks no pmo is clearly not working why even bother?

In most of my relationships I had sex daily or at least 3 or 4 times a week. With my ex and partners over 45 maybe once a week if I’m lucky. My ex also never initiated and that did not change much after he quit pmo. So it’s hard to see a flat line when his sex drive for an actual human has always been low. Truly we have no idea what their real sex drive is because they were having sex to porn instead of having it with us . Many men too can keep up with a heavy pmo schedule and a partner but as they age it’s just not possible.

My ex was never able to O from intercourse with me no matter what I tried or how long we had it. He was able to O from my hand and mouth which was an improvement but I still longed for regular sex I knew I could not be happy with just hand and mouth and when we did have any type of sex it was me doing all the work I was just tired.

Do I think men over 45 or 50 can recover from pmo addiction absolutely! Do I think that said recovery will change the age related sexual slow down process no I think it only makes it worse. Do I think your partner has relapsed to pmo it’s possible. Most have at least one relapse if not many more and even just one can set him back to zero. My ex would start and stop so he would pmo when I was away thinking it would not effect things or he would just MO or edge. I’m not saying yours is I’m saying it’s not out of the realm of what’s to be expected.

Bottom line is he’s not getting any younger and chances are putting pmo totally aside your sex life is going to be a sex life with an older man who is going to struggle with ED. In 10 or 15 years you will be in menopause and your sex drive will likely fall so you have to ask yourself can you have a lackluster sex life because the man has many other amazing qualities? Sometimes those mean more. But at a certain point we have to realize the sex life wont be what we wanted in this particular relationship.

 

Age is less of a factor....
I still think it's Flatline if he's rebooting

 

Age matters, how much he masturbates/d, type of masturbation, etc

 

You are attractive enough, I know it hurts but his addiction has nothing to do with you.

 

Has he had his testosterone checked? Because this sounds like low testosterone.

 

It's a flatline.

Age can make a difference but I use to know 60 year old cuss married to a 40 year old woman and that sumbitch hit it every night. And had two kids--at 60!

So I don't think age declines you that much if you stay strong, relax on the booze and have a workout program.

It sounds like textbook flatline. Be patient, spend non-sex time together, cuddle a lot and ask him to go down on you if you realllly want some sexy time.

Don't try to force intercourse or erections. It's not you--it's part of the process.

 

It sounds just like my ex with the prior bad marriage. No matter what he tells you it’s unlikely this won’t effect your self esteem. I knew from a totally objective view that my partner was attracted to me and I have no doubts yours is too. One of the Best pieces of advice a guy gave me on here was that one of the women in his favorite porn video could walk off the screen and he would have the same issues were her. Pmo has very little to do with sex. A PMO addict usually has the same issues as other addictions but has just used pmo to cope instead of say cocaine. It may start out initially as a necessity due to not having that much sex (that’s pretty much what they all say They began) but when they kept doing it they got addicted to the high without even realizing it. Because they truly believe the only reason they are doing it is because of lack of an available partner they think when they get one they will stop not need it anymore but they do get a partner and often it only increases the desire to PMO because all relationships particularly new relationships cause anxiety and inter personal conflicts. Since the addict already lacks Good coping mechanisms they turn back to PMO to cope.

I was the first long term relationship my ex had in 8 years since his divorce. But I could also tell he was still very much angry at her even though it had been so long. That anger bled onto the bedroom because he feared allowing someone else to have total control over his sexual pleasure. Because when he did with his ex she denied him. He also was very fearful of intimacy for that reason. In counseling he was told the reason he could not forgive his ex is because he refused to deal with his part in the Denise of the marriage, he said it was all her but that was just a front for him to not have admit his own downfalls and forgive himself. He had the idea that all women were trying to screw him over. Anger is a huge libido killer for men.

I am hopeful yours is just a flatline and will get better. I can’t speak to that because if my ex was in flatline he never got out.

And while we can all objectively see what’s going on our self esteem will suffer. In my case I just got to the point where I realized he either could not or would not give me what I needed. But I don’t regret trying to make it work with him and I know I gave him my best honest effort.

Only you can decide what’s right for you and what will make you happy. I have had many exes that I had amazing sex with and they were horribly incompatible otherwise. I always thought I would be okay with not so great sex and a great guy but I realized I was not. Many married couples say that although at age 70 they may not have the same sexual chemistry then it was the years that they did the helps sustain them now. For me personally I did not realize the toll being with him had taken on me and my life until I left. Oftentimes better and stronger relationships come out of addiction recovery and maybe with more time my ex would have recovered but I had already spent too much time being miserable.

I wish you all things good in this recovery process. I hope that he is able to recover and be everything you deserve. This is not an easy road but you can see all the amazing SOs PA on here to help you through things. Good luck!

 

Ahhh yes the male unicorn the one that is ove 60 and has sex like a 20 year old lol. All joking aside it’s these kind of legends that cause younger women in relationships with older men to say WTH? I thought men or this age could go just like a 20 year old? I think it’s time that people just be frank about the fact that almost all men will struggle with DE as they age and if you are younger or have a high sex drive you need to take that into consideration. It’s not the mans fault it’s biology just like women stop being able to bear children st a certain age. I don’t think denying either of these things help matters but talking about the reality of them does. I can’t tell you how many times an older man in a relationship says oh I can go just like a 20 year old and then you see the partner shaking her head no way.

 

I’m 40 and can at most have 1 really good orgasm a day. My clinical depression impacts my performance as well as meds for it. I have to manage it with meds like a diabetic does with insulin. It’s a fact not a choice. Even the mild amount of porn I watched made it worse which I why I stopped along with a value conflict. I’ve even come to realize I can’t masturbate much at all if I want to have sex because I just will not be able to perform with a partner. I’ve relapsed about 3 times in 3 months and when I have the orgasms are more intense, my erections last longer, and I’m more sensitive. My penis is straighter and my morning wood is like granite. It’s a choice mostly abstain with no porn and have good sex with a partner or PMO and be soft with a partner. I ll take less more intense higher quality erections and orgasms.

 

Those 3 times you would think my penis was a cannon firing. They were amazing.