Need Help to avoid relapse :-(

@anthrope im not sure how enzu felt, but I almost relapsed Saturday, thankfully I got ahold of myself and yelled at me. I think it was some to do with depression, because work right now is less than ideal, but im not dealing with my stress right, also I was letting my guard down more, and letting my mind wander farther than I had been previously. Gotta keep your thoughts on a short leash.

 

I hear you, lifeistooshort. It is a great moment when you pull oneself back from the brink of relapse. Also, from your counter - 78 days - wow. Great going, and I hope you keep going.

Perhaps you'll find this useful.
Steps we can take to beat any addictive mindset:
1. Addiction is always about self image. There is a deeply embedded sense of not being worthy, that was picked up in early childhood and this usually manifests as a powerful feeling of insecurity and need for some form of closure. Very often you saw your mom, dad, or guardian's preoccupation with something other than you as meaning that you weren't important as you were, and that meant insecurity. This is prime addiction territory, because you feel insecure inside, and are looking for anything that will make you feel better.
2. The addictive substance (porn, coke, C2H5OH, food, work) fires up the reward center in the brain. As a child, the addict stumbles upon this, and finds how pleasurable it feels. So she/he starts repeating the behavior in order to feel the pleasure again and again, simply to achieve the closure that their inner insecurity demands.
3. Long term addiction rewires the reward center in the brain, and only the addictive substance appears to fire up the reward center, but only when the dosage is increased. More coke, more food, more porn or more variety in porn, etc.
4. It is possible to start rewiring your reward center. Being mindful is a very good way to set about this. Each time the open ended feeling of insecurity shows up, which you usually fill with the addictive substance, be alert and mindful as long as you can. If you fail, that's okay, as long as you remember to be mindful just a little more each time.
5. It is possible to entirely reverse the pathology to the brain caused by addictive behavior, simply by being aware of the behavior as it manifests. Again, mindfulness to the rescue. The intense discomfort of resisting your addiction is actually because your addiction related neural network is firing on all cylinders, and your reward center is demanding a hit. Once you start seeing your discomfort as brain rewiring, you start slowly being okay with it. This process takes time for most people.
6. More mindfulness meditation = more results. Learning to simply be in the present moment, and learning to gently nudge your attention back to the present, no matter what thoughts drag it away, is your best bet against any addiction. Once this faculty of moving your attention from a thought to the present moment becomes established, you can do so with ease when the addictive thought shows up.
7. Addiction removal is only a fraction of the story. There is a wonderful life full of love, friends, harmony and energetic accomplishment that being addiction free is all about. To actively start living this life without waiting for the addiction to be gone is the proper way. Every added measure of energy you get from not indulging in your addiction must be devoted to living your ideal life. Now.

 

Thanks for that Anthrope! I knew some of these things already, but I need reminders constantly! I keep seeing people that have been at it longer than me relapse, and im saying "whats going on here, its supposed to be getting easier" but truth is, it isn't. I keep wanting to let my guard down, to let my thoughts wander, and fantasize. This isn't to discourage you though, you just need to keep in mind mentally that you gotta keep maintaining. Atleast for me, and these wonderful people keep reminding me. Thanks again! You soon will be up at 80 and 100 days too! Just keep goin brother!!